Not worth the risk

Casadena · May 2020

Dear Prudence,

A really good friend of mine is a nurse who treats patients with COVID-19. She was irate about the lack of PPE, until a guy she was interested in dating invited her over to his house. He has shared custody of young children with an ex-wife but has apparently said nothing to her about his ex-wife’s approval of such an encounter (obviously, because who would consent to such a thing?). I know she’s lonely. I know she wants to have sex. But I was appalled that she’d even consider this invite, defying the rules of lockdown we’re all following in no small part to make health care workers like her safer. I’ve lost respect for her. And I’m angry with her. She thinks I’m overreacting. Who’s right?

levioosa · May 2020

She’s being selfish. Lockdown isn’t easy. And she doesn’t get a pass. Especially because she is risking children’s lives. How selfish do you have to be?

downtondiva · May 2020

A lot of people are lonely right now. That's not an excuse to put others in danger.

Your friend is a hypocrite, and I don't blame you for being mad.

STARMOON44 · May 2020

I think your friend is daily risking her life to care for sick people and while I personally agree with you here, I don’t think it’s your place to tell her how to handle her life.

banana468 · May 2020

Your friend is upset not because she knows she did something wrong so she's defensive. It sucks - but she doesn't get a free pass and she deserves to be called out for putting lives at risk.

short+sassy · May 2020

Of course the LW is right. And the friend knows that also, even if she doesn't want to admit it.

I think the LW did the right thing by saying something. Once. But should have let it go after that. Yes, it is important, especially with children involved. It's sad and alarming that neither the dad nor the friend are concerned about possible exposure to the kids. But, at the same time, the LW isn't going to change her friend's mind anyway and should butt out after at least pointing the danger out once.

I'm not sure I'd end a friendship over that...and it doesn't sound like the LW is thinking that...but I'd probably step back for awhile.

MyNameIsNot · May 2020

This bothers me so, so much. My sister is has migrated to working ICU since this started. She's been a RN in the hospital for years; having patients code and die is not new for her, and she's rarely shaken by what she sees at work. She is shaken now. She's shared only a few limited stories about what she's seeing, but it's pretty horrible.

It's selfish for a random person to put others at risk for a random hook-up. For a person who is seeing first hand just how horrible this can be, who is also at greater risk of spreading the disease, to then decide it's ok to put people at risk so that she can get her rocks off is a whole other level.

Say something once and then let it go, but I would also be taking a step back from this person at least until this is over. Biting my tongue would be pretty painful!

charlotte989875 · May 2020

Stop putting people at risk because you’re lonely. Yes, loneliness is real and it’s sucks, and all of this is way harder than I think any of us really thought it would be.

Look the isolation and mental health aspects of this are so real and they are serious. But friend needs to find ways to cope that don’t endanger other people.

Not worth the risk

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