Just Engaged and Proposals

Underwhelming proposal stories only

Please share your underwhelming proposals if you have... I’ve been engaged for 3 months and am just beginning to accept how unromantic my proposal was (don’t get me wrong I’m so happy to finally be engaged but I was a little underwhelmed so I’m trying to get over it). I never asked for anything huge, just wanted it to come from the heart. To be fair, I knew about my proposal because we’ve been together for a while and have a child together. We also did decide for financial reasons that by my birthday this year (valentines day) we’d be engaged. Well obviously when he wanted to get away to the mountains for Valentine’s Day I kinda knew it was happening, but was still so excited to see what he had up his sleeve. He had me pick the hotel room and dinner reservations because he was unsure if I’d like anything he picked (which is frustrating cause I would have been happy with him just taking the time to plan something). He waited till the last possible minute to propose so I knew it had to be coming after dinner our last night there. He told me earlier that day that my friends were coming up for dinner that night (apparently that was supposed to be a surprise I later found out) so the whole time during dinner I felt like I was gonna vomit cause we all knew why we were there lol. I really don’t enjoy being the center of attention to be honest. Then he and one of my friends kept getting up from dinner (later I found out to look for a good spot to pop the question since my FI didn’t have any idea where to even do it) after dinner the two of them just walked off and me and my other friend followed behind.. the place was closing and some of the lights were getting turned off. He then stopped near a pond in the restaurant and got down on his knee. I don’t even remember him actually asking me cause it was still kind of loud in the restaurant and I was so nervous that he was asking in front of friends I could hardly hear him. My friends took a couple pictures and that was it basically. I’m happy we’re engaged and of course I said yes but I do sometimes wish it could have been just the two of us, more casual, and maybe then it would have felt less transactional and more genuine. He has also mentioned he wishes he didn’t invite our friends and wants to try and do it again in the future. I feel like that’s not possible or necessary although I wouldn’t be opposed if he did something with just the two of us, not anything flashy.. just something intimate and romantic. Just for the two of us. Thoughts? Anyone care to share their underwhelming proposals? I’m hoping I’m not the only one.. 

Re: Underwhelming proposal stories only

  • My H's proposal was a bit disappointing.  He didn't do anything special at all.  Proposed to me in our living room on a weekday night.  I knew the proposal was coming at some point in the near future, so it wasn't completely a surprise.  But didn't know it would be happening that day.  We decided to go out to dinner to celebrate.  That wasn't something he planned ahead of time.  It was spur of the moment, which I'm not complaining about that.  It was a fun and happy dinner.

    He even apologized a little over dinner that he'd been trying to think of something more romantic/creative, but just hadn't come up with anything.  And, ya know what?  I get it.  Sure, I wish he'd done something more special.  But that's also not his personality.  I consoled myself that it was a minor disappointment, at the time.  And, as time has passed, it's even more minor.  We were in love, we got engaged.  We're still in love and now we're married.  He's not very good at grand gestures, lol.  But, even better, he's one of those guys who shows his love and support every day in so many small ways.

    I have NEVER told him I wish his proposal had been "better".  And I never will. 

    Hopefully you haven't expressed your disappointment to your FI.  Because you're right.  By far, the most important thing is that you all are engaged and have the rest of your future to look forward to.

    It sounds like your FI tried to do something special and just didn't execute it well.  It's okay to have a little bit of a pity party, just for yourself.  I get that we can't always control our emotions even when we know they are not "logical".  But try to focus more on what did go right and that the two of you love each other.  And the main thing...you're engaged!  Congrats!
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Armsesor2 said:
    Please share your underwhelming proposals if you have... I’ve been engaged for 3 months and am just beginning to accept how unromantic my proposal was (don’t get me wrong I’m so happy to finally be engaged but I was a little underwhelmed so I’m trying to get over it). I never asked for anything huge, just wanted it to come from the heart. To be fair, I knew about my proposal because we’ve been together for a while and have a child together. We also did decide for financial reasons that by my birthday this year (valentines day) we’d be engaged. Well obviously when he wanted to get away to the mountains for Valentine’s Day I kinda knew it was happening, but was still so excited to see what he had up his sleeve. He had me pick the hotel room and dinner reservations because he was unsure if I’d like anything he picked (which is frustrating cause I would have been happy with him just taking the time to plan something). He waited till the last possible minute to propose so I knew it had to be coming after dinner our last night there. He told me earlier that day that my friends were coming up for dinner that night (apparently that was supposed to be a surprise I later found out) so the whole time during dinner I felt like I was gonna vomit cause we all knew why we were there lol. I really don’t enjoy being the center of attention to be honest. Then he and one of my friends kept getting up from dinner (later I found out to look for a good spot to pop the question since my FI didn’t have any idea where to even do it) after dinner the two of them just walked off and me and my other friend followed behind.. the place was closing and some of the lights were getting turned off. He then stopped near a pond in the restaurant and got down on his knee. I don’t even remember him actually asking me cause it was still kind of loud in the restaurant and I was so nervous that he was asking in front of friends I could hardly hear him. My friends took a couple pictures and that was it basically. I’m happy we’re engaged and of course I said yes but I do sometimes wish it could have been just the two of us, more casual, and maybe then it would have felt less transactional and more genuine. He has also mentioned he wishes he didn’t invite our friends and wants to try and do it again in the future. I feel like that’s not possible or necessary although I wouldn’t be opposed if he did something with just the two of us, not anything flashy.. just something intimate and romantic. Just for the two of us. Thoughts? Anyone care to share their underwhelming proposals? I’m hoping I’m not the only one.. 
    I'm going to be really honest here. I don't think you'd be happy with any proposal. You went away for the weekend, he took you to dinner and them proposed in front of a pond, down on one knee. That's pretty special and romantic. But you teeter back and forth between calling it underwhelming and calling it too flashy. Movies, tv, social media, etc have built up this notion that a proposal is supposed to be this super amazing most perfect romantic thing ever, and that's just not how life works most of the time. If you can separate yourself from this fairy tale notion, it will help you come to terms with your expectations. (And will probably help in the future. Weddings are rarely as magical in real life as they are in the movies.)

    FWIW, we got engaged in our bedroom. H had had a ring for about 2 months, but he didn't know I knew. (His sister told me.) We had been talking about marriage for a while and were on the same page that we wanted to get engaged. One random Friday we were hanging out at our neighborhood pub and got on the topic of planning for the future, including engagement. We went home and were tipsy getting ready for bed, when he got out the ring and asked me. We're still happily married years later.
    charlotte989875climbingwifelevioosa
  • Armsesor2 said:
    Please share your underwhelming proposals if you have... I’ve been engaged for 3 months and am just beginning to accept how unromantic my proposal was (don’t get me wrong I’m so happy to finally be engaged but I was a little underwhelmed so I’m trying to get over it). I never asked for anything huge, just wanted it to come from the heart. To be fair, I knew about my proposal because we’ve been together for a while and have a child together. We also did decide for financial reasons that by my birthday this year (valentines day) we’d be engaged. Well obviously when he wanted to get away to the mountains for Valentine’s Day I kinda knew it was happening, but was still so excited to see what he had up his sleeve. He had me pick the hotel room and dinner reservations because he was unsure if I’d like anything he picked (which is frustrating cause I would have been happy with him just taking the time to plan something). He waited till the last possible minute to propose so I knew it had to be coming after dinner our last night there. He told me earlier that day that my friends were coming up for dinner that night (apparently that was supposed to be a surprise I later found out) so the whole time during dinner I felt like I was gonna vomit cause we all knew why we were there lol. I really don’t enjoy being the center of attention to be honest. Then he and one of my friends kept getting up from dinner (later I found out to look for a good spot to pop the question since my FI didn’t have any idea where to even do it) after dinner the two of them just walked off and me and my other friend followed behind.. the place was closing and some of the lights were getting turned off. He then stopped near a pond in the restaurant and got down on his knee. I don’t even remember him actually asking me cause it was still kind of loud in the restaurant and I was so nervous that he was asking in front of friends I could hardly hear him. My friends took a couple pictures and that was it basically. I’m happy we’re engaged and of course I said yes but I do sometimes wish it could have been just the two of us, more casual, and maybe then it would have felt less transactional and more genuine. He has also mentioned he wishes he didn’t invite our friends and wants to try and do it again in the future. I feel like that’s not possible or necessary although I wouldn’t be opposed if he did something with just the two of us, not anything flashy.. just something intimate and romantic. Just for the two of us. Thoughts? Anyone care to share their underwhelming proposals? I’m hoping I’m not the only one.. 
    I'm going to be really honest here. I don't think you'd be happy with any proposal. You went away for the weekend, he took you to dinner and them proposed in front of a pond, down on one knee. That's pretty special and romantic. But you teeter back and forth between calling it underwhelming and calling it too flashy. Movies, tv, social media, etc have built up this notion that a proposal is supposed to be this super amazing most perfect romantic thing ever, and that's just not how life works most of the time. If you can separate yourself from this fairy tale notion, it will help you come to terms with your expectations. (And will probably help in the future. Weddings are rarely as magical in real life as they are in the movies.)

    FWIW, we got engaged in our bedroom. H had had a ring for about 2 months, but he didn't know I knew. (His sister told me.) We had been talking about marriage for a while and were on the same page that we wanted to get engaged. One random Friday we were hanging out at our neighborhood pub and got on the topic of planning for the future, including engagement. We went home and were tipsy getting ready for bed, when he got out the ring and asked me. We're still happily married years later.
    I agree with all of this! I think movies/TV/the internet makes people think they need a big, over the top proposals but ask yourself are you two really big, over the top people? If so would that really fee like it fit who you are? 

    My now-H proposed on a Sunday afternoon I had just gotten back from a weekend out of town; we went to our favorite park and he asked me to marry him. No big speech, no people hiding in the bushes to take pictures; it was just us and it was lovely. We walked to our favorite bar and drank crappy champagne then ordered pizza in our apartment. 

    Probably sounds underwhelming if you’re comparing it a flash mob but he’s a quiet private person and that never would have been something he would be comfortable with. 
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Honestly, I think you need to get over it. Like a PP said, he took you away, let you pick whatever restaurant you wanted, and proposed to you by a pond. I think it's great your friends were there to capture the moment for you. 

    My H proposed to me while we were on a hiking trial. Granted, that hike was in Gibraltar. But you're talking about a trail that was covered in monkey poop, and other not so great things. He proposed with a family ring - an opal. Not a diamond. He just got down on one knee and asked. And guess what? It was romantic in every way because it was him asking me to spend my life with him. 

    My first husband proposed to me on the side of a highway. I thought we were going to get hit by a car. 

    So. Let this idea go of a perfect proposal. Do you actually want to marry him? Because if you need grand gestures from him, and he's just not the type to do it? Well, I see some issues. 

  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I’m pretty sure you would have been unhappy regardless of the proposal. 

    I guess you could say my proposal was “underwhelming.” FI told me to go find a ring I liked. So I did. Then we had drinks, went and purchased it together, then went and had some more celebratory drinks, and then he proposed to me in the back yard. It might have been nice if he had said some extra romantic words, but I wouldn’t change it. Hollywood/the wedding industry makes it seem like the proposal should be enormous and over the top magical. That’s just not how life works. A proposal, wedding, and marriage are about two people who love each other and who are committed to spending the rest of their lives together. The rest doesn’t matter. 


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    MyNameIsNotcharlotte989875
  • A few months into dating my fiance fake proposed in front of a historic church in the middle of a bustling shopping/dining area... yes, I said fake proposed. Pulled my hand back and started to say "Will you..." as he got down on one knee... to tie his shoe. 2.5 years later, we're in the same area checking out an old restaurant we'd gone to (that's now a different fancy place). It was cold and windy and I kept walking when I heard him list of some of the menu items, things I knew he wouldn't eat. He called me back and reached into his jacket, and I yelled "NO don't fake propose again!" and started walking away, again. He wasn't faking and was relieved he didn't have to do his speech or get down on one knee (in a puddle). He loves telling everyone I ruined my own proposal.  :D
  • aisfora86aisfora86 Philadelphia member
    10 Comments 25 Love Its First Anniversary
    I mean, if you found your proposal underwhelming you would have hated mine, but it was exactly what I wanted.

    From the time we started talking about getting married I told my fiance that if he did anything publicly I would not like it, and that the more low-key the better. When he bought the ring, I knew, because we talked about it and I chose some styles that I liked. But I didn't know when exactly he would propose. I'm a college professor and have a Monday evening class until 8pm, so on Monday's he's in charge of dinner as I don't get home until 8:30 or 8:45pm. On this particular day, which happened to be April Fools Day, I had asked him to reheat leftover pork chops and veggies and put in some baked potatoes.

    When I walked in the door, with all our mail and packages that were in our mail room, he met me at the door. The first thing I noticed was that it smelled like fresh herbs and garlic and I think I made a comment like, "it smells really good in here. Is that the leftovers?" he ignored this question and asked me if I heard any good April Fools jokes at work that day. He's like the king of the dad jokes, so not an unusual question for him. I said no, and he placed a ring pop on top of the mail I was carrying and said, "how about this?" and I laughed and started to put the mail down. When I turned around, he was on his knee with an actual ring, and I have zero recollection of what he said. I dropped the mail and said yes. 

    Turns out he had made an herb butter for some steaks he was going to cook up, as well as roasted potatoes and a nice salad and opened a bottle of wine, and the plan was to ask me over a romantic dinner at home. But when I mentioned that it smelled good, he panicked and thought I would figure it out and asked me in the doorway instead. 

    We called our families and best friends and didn't end up eating until about 10:30 that night. But I wouldn't change it. It was exactly what I wanted, corny April Fools reference and all.

    The important part isn't the proposal, it's that you're getting married to a person you love and want to spend your life with.
  • I’m in the same boat, I don’t wanna be underwhelmed but I am. We‘ve been talking about getting married since last October and just got engaged on April 15. I knew he had the ring because he had it shipped to our apt. And missed the delivery so I found the attempted delivery slip in the mail box. I found out before Valentine’s Day so I figured he might do it then, Valentine’s Day past, nothing. The weekend after we were going on a weekend trip to San Luis Obispo, we had plans to go to Hearst castle and have a romantic getaway before he went on a month long work trip. STILL NOTHING. I’m thinking he changed his mind, there’s no other explanation?! We didn’t have Any other plans and he was gonna be gone for a month. Well, his work trip got cut short due to covid and a month into it we start talking about rings and things again, I make a hint about knowing that he bought one. I was frustrated, why buy a ring if you’re not gonna propose? He had so many opportunities. The next day, he proposed in our bedroom. I was wearing sweats and I had a video call in 10 min! I try to tell myself that I still got my “garden” proposal due to all of my houseplants around but I’m really upset about the whole thing because he told me he planned on proposing at Hearst castle but forgot the ring. I’m still very happy we’re engaged and yeah, the proposal isn’t the most important thing but I feel like it should be a little more special.... this is someone asking you to spend the rest of your life with them. I would feel a little better if he at least did it in a less rushed setting and not right before my video call. I was flustered and wanted to enjoy just getting engaged. 
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