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Wedding Woes

Definitely time for a new therapist that's on the level.

Dear Prudence,

I’ve been in therapy on and off my entire life. I mostly like my current therapist, and we’ve had a great relationship, but it might be time to start searching again. In the last few months, I’ve considered whether I might be nonbinary, and I don’t feel comfortable bringing it up with her. My partner is nonbinary, and while my therapist has been supportive and worked to understand what that means, she clearly still struggles with it. It’s been a year, and she cannot get their pronouns right consistently. This hasn’t been a huge problem, since we don’t spend most of our sessions discussing my partner, but it makes the idea of bringing up my own possibly nonbinary identity seem fraught. I’ve previously wondered if her straightness and lack of familiarity with queerness was an issue. I know I can be avoidant, which is part of why I go to therapy, but I’m not sure what I’m avoiding here. Is it time to break up with my therapist?

—Weighing My Options

Re: Definitely time for a new therapist that's on the level.

  • You're only going to get so far in therapy if you don't feel you can be entirely open with your therapist about what's on your mind and what's going on in your life. If you want to be able to talk openly about being nonbinary and what that means for you and your life, I think you need to find a therapist with more experience and openness regarding such issues.
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  • Um...yes?  I'm not trying to be mocking, but just b/c a therapist isn't a good fit for you, doesn't mean they're a bad therapist or you're judging them.  They're just not a good fit.  
  • If you're not comfortable talking about this with your therapist, it's time to look for a new one. Normally I'd say give them the benefit of the doubt as they may surprise you, but still struggling with pronouns after a year is not a great sign. 
  • It’s time to find someone who can meet your needs and this person isn’t. 

    But also, seriously a therapist you’ve worked with this long should be getting this right by now. 
  • It sounds like this was a good therapist for them for awhile.  But now their needs have changed and there are good reasons it no longer feels like a "fit".  That's fine and I'd suspect even common in a patient-therapist relationship.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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