Wedding Party

SIL Drama Mama

So my future sister in law was supposed to be one of my bridesmaids. She’s very high drama and immature and I knew that when I asked her but I like her well enough and I’d like to take any opportunity to let his family know that I consider them my family now and that they are going to be a big part of our lives.

that being said I knew she was going to be high drama. I have asked for almost nothing from my bridal party. The dress is $50. That’s it’s. Show up in the dress with whatever shoes you’re comfy in and stand up for me. I was prepared for almost anything from my FSIL as a way of drama however.

i was not prepared for her to call me up this week telling me I have to change my wedding from 08/08/20 to next year because of covid. She said people she loves are going to die because of us. So I told her she was welcome not to come but we’ve discussed it and we’re not moving the wedding. So she asks if I can just have the wedding with immediate family (hers not mine of course 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️). I calmly explain that we’re not going to do that and the only thing that will stop our wedding in August is the governor telling us we can’t. I told her we’d love her to come but we wouldn’t hold it against her if she didn’t want to.

we don’t want anyone to come to our wedding if it’s going to make them feel uncomfortable.

That all being said- she’s not social distancing AT ALL. She’s out and about all the time no masks seeing people being around people not for work. 

So she calls up my FH the next day crying begging him to change the wedding, he said no. Then, she texts me today telling me I need to replace her in the wedding. Fineeeee. So I tell her that’s fine... and then she proceeds to guilt trip me about her missing her brothers wedding?!? 

What I’m the world?!?!?? I don’t even know how to process this. Has anyone else had these problems? How am I supposed to handle her going forward? Because I’m not going to put up with too much more from her about it.... but also don’t want to cause more drama.

pulling my hair out

Re: SIL Drama Mama

  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    @MairePoppy, you’ve got your work cut out for you this weekend!
    MairePoppy
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited May 2020
    So my future sister in law was supposed to be one of my bridesmaids. She’s very high drama and immature and I knew that when I asked her but I like her well enough and I’d like to take any opportunity to let his family know that I consider them my family now and that they are going to be a big part of our lives.

    that being said I knew she was going to be high drama. I have asked for almost nothing from my bridal party. The dress is $50. That’s it’s. Show up in the dress with whatever shoes you’re comfy in and stand up for me. I was prepared for almost anything from my FSIL as a way of drama however.

    i was not prepared for her to call me up this week telling me I have to change my wedding from 08/08/20 to next year because of covid. She said people she loves are going to die because of us. So I told her she was welcome not to come but we’ve discussed it and we’re not moving the wedding. So she asks if I can just have the wedding with immediate family (hers not mine of course 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️). I calmly explain that we’re not going to do that and the only thing that will stop our wedding in August is the governor telling us we can’t. I told her we’d love her to come but we wouldn’t hold it against her if she didn’t want to.

    we don’t want anyone to come to our wedding if it’s going to make them feel uncomfortable.

    That all being said- she’s not social distancing AT ALL. She’s out and about all the time no masks seeing people being around people not for work. 

    So she calls up my FH the next day crying begging him to change the wedding, he said no. Then, she texts me today telling me I need to replace her in the wedding. Fineeeee. So I tell her that’s fine... and then she proceeds to guilt trip me about her missing her brothers wedding?!? 

    What I’m the world?!?!?? I don’t even know how to process this. Has anyone else had these problems? How am I supposed to handle her going forward? Because I’m not going to put up with too much more from her about it.... but also don’t want to cause more drama.

    pulling my hair out
    Boundaries are your best friend.

    Your fiance should tell your SIL-to-be: enough. She is not entitled to control your wedding. She wanted you to change the date and you said no. She wanted out of the wedding party and you said yes. If she questions future decisions that are solely for you and your fiance, he should tell her that she is out of line and you together enforce this with meaningful consequences if she doesn't STFU and stop meddling.
    living-the-high-lifeshort+sassy
  • Going forward with a wedding during this pandemic, you need to be okay with people choosing not to attend (which it sounds like you are). But the reverse is also true - if people decide they're not comfortable attending, they need to be okay with your not changing your plans for them. 

    While I suspect there's something other than covid causing your FSIL to demand a wedding date change, you've both been clear with her that you aren't changing your plans. Just send the invite when it's time to do so and don't discuss the wedding with her any further. Don't argue if she responds that she's not coming. If she causes more drama upon receiving the invitation (which wouldn't surprise me one bit), then let your fiance handle it. 

    image
    living-the-high-life
  • You've got a great attitude on this.  I'm going to address a bigger aspect to this that likely hasn't been thought of yet or not to the extent it's going to be an issue, and that is "How are you going to deal with that personality after the wedding and should you choose to welcome children into your life?" 

    This type of personality isn't going to change once you're married.  It'd be nice if it would, the reality is, it won't..  If you have kids, no name reveals until it's on the Birth Certificate!  Pick up a copy of "Take Back Your Wedding; Managing the People Stress of Wedding Planning" which was written by a former knottie.  Boundaries and setting them is going to be vitally important as the days, weeks, and years go by!
    living-the-high-lifeshort+sassy
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Your FI needs to manage all conversation with her from here on out. Depending on where you are, continuing with an 8/8 wedding may be risky or ill-advised, but that's not up to FSIL. Your FI should be communicating to her "wedding will take place as planned" and "you will be missed." 

    Since you mention it, do not replace her. You invited her to be in the WP to honor your relationship. If she decides not to attend, that's her call. It's rude to both FSIL and the understudy to try to put a spot filler in there. 
    living-the-high-lifeshort+sassycharlotte989875
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