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kfksab15 · May 2020

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banana468 · May 2020

Yikes! Are you excluding SOs due to the pandemic?

Honestly, I'd just elope. This seems hairy with all the proposed and now new exclusions and with social distancing I'd just revamp the whole thing.

kfksab15 · May 2020

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maine7mob · May 2020

I would elope, but you could just use a "no ring, no bring" policy.

kfksab15 · May 2020

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charlotte989875 · May 2020

maine7mob said:

I would elope, but you could just use a "no ring, no bring" policy.

This is so rude. Just because someone isn’t married doesn’t mean their relationship doesn’t deserve to be recognized.

kfksab15 said:

Yes! That is the concept we're applying. Of course, it would be easier to do that if we hadn't yet sent out the invites, but we had no idea this COVID thing was going to mess up our plans so badly and we were going to have to scale back so dramatically. I think we are going to go ahead with the early un-inviting process while making it clear that we may ultimately be forced to disinvite everyone and just have a "parents only" elopement thing.

A parents only elopement is your best option here. You’re talking about uninviting the significant others and partners of close family members. This will only end with hurt feelings. You’re basically asking people to come celebrate your relationship while telling them that there’s isn’t as important because they can’t bring their significant others.

banana468 · May 2020

charlotte989875 said:

maine7mob said:

I would elope, but you could just use a "no ring, no bring" policy.

This is so rude. Just because someone isn’t married doesn’t mean their relationship doesn’t deserve to be recognized.

kfksab15 said:

Yes! That is the concept we're applying. Of course, it would be easier to do that if we hadn't yet sent out the invites, but we had no idea this COVID thing was going to mess up our plans so badly and we were going to have to scale back so dramatically. I think we are going to go ahead with the early un-inviting process while making it clear that we may ultimately be forced to disinvite everyone and just have a "parents only" elopement thing.

A parents only elopement is your best option here. You’re talking about uninviting the significant others and partners of close family members. This will only end with hurt feelings. You’re basically asking people to come celebrate your relationship while telling them that there’s isn’t as important because they can’t bring their significant others.

@maine7mob you know a no ring no bring policy is exceedingly rude right?

In this situation I think you need to apply the rules fairly. Just get married with your parents.

If you have a larger event ever, the only way you can omit the guest in question is if she presents reason that she's an actual threat to you or your guests. And even by doing that you would need to expect that the brother would not att eff and as a result.

levioosa · May 2020

kfksab15 said:

So, DF's sibling has a girlfriend who we need to disinvite from our wedding. Let's just say she has a criminal past (think felony behavior/jailtime) , is very poorly mannered, and is not a person we like very much to start with. We initially included her in the wedding invitations (even though we didn't really want her) because we thought it would be too much drama to exclude her. Now, our venues are cancelling on us but we are 100% continuing with the wedding because of our timeline with trying for a baby. We are going to have to hold our small reception in a family member's backyard. Our family member is not okay with having this woman at their home. Our options are to disinvite her or to have to hold the reception in our backyard which is WAY less suited to a reception (smaller, not enough parking, on a hill, lawn isn't manicured nicely, will cause more stress, etc.)

HOW do we go about doing this? My thought was to say that we have to scale back and change venues because of the pandemic (TRUE) and for this reason we are only including siblings and their spouses (as opposed to siblings and their boyfriends/girlfriends). I have already told my siblings who are not married not to bring their bf/gf, but I feel that rescinding this person's invitation is going to be SOOOOO dramatic (but SOOOO necessary because I really don't want to hold my own reception at my house). How would y'all go about this?

You have more issues here than just the one sibling’s SO (who has to be invited as part of a social unit regardless of personal opinions). All SO’s regardless of length of time or “ring status” must be invited.

kfksab15 · May 2020

Y'all wild. Idk when you got married but I feel like I'm being given advice by a bunch of 1950's housewives lol.

charlotte989875 · May 2020

kfksab15 said:

Y'all wild. Idk when you got married but I feel like I'm being given advice by a bunch of 1950's housewives lol.

I’m not sure why my wedding date is relevant but I got married in 2015 and my answer would be the same if I was getting married now or then.

Would you be okay with your FI being invited to a wedding, then uninvited? I wouldn’t be. I also would think a couple was rude if they didn’t invite my then-boyfriend, who I was living with before we were married just because we hadn’t been engaged.

Jen4948 · May 2020

maine7mob said:

I would elope, but you could just use a "no ring, no bring" policy.

I was the victim of a "no ring, no bring" policy a few years ago when I was in a relationship and would have had to attend a wedding without my then BF of over two years. It was a serious relationship that was moving toward engagement, but it was considered invalid without a ring on it, by someone I had babysat for and was the son of some of my family's closest friends.

Now if I ever get married, I don't think I would ever invite this person and their spouse. And that would hurt feelings in our families.

Don't do this. It's rude.

ILoveBeachMusic · June 2020

OP, you were quoted so your post is still visible. Deleting your post is rude as is not inviting your guests significant others. I too think you best option is to just elope.

maine7mob · June 2020

Yes, I know in the US, a no ring no bring policy is considered rude. But this bride was trying to find a way to shrink her guest list to deal with Covid. Otherwise, I wouldn't have brought it up. I wouldn't have a policy like this myself. But my actual suggestion was to just elope. That's what I'd do.

banana468 · June 2020

maine7mob said:

Yes, I know in the US, a no ring no bring policy is considered rude. But this bride was trying to find a way to shrink her guest list to deal with Covid. Otherwise, I wouldn't have brought it up. I wouldn't have a policy like this myself. But my actual suggestion was to just elope. That's what I'd do.

It's rude everywhere.

I understand that she is trying to find a way to shrink her guest list. However if you give advice that is what you yourself understand to be rude it's sending mixed messages especially when other brides may use the search function and say it was advised previously.

IMO - if Covid is shrinking the guest list so much that you have to tell those in relationships that they won't be able to bring their SOs then you need to shrink the guest list or elope.

ei34 · June 2020

I only came to this post because of the DELETE notice.
Your only polite option is to have a parents-only wedding. Siblings can't be included if their SOs are going to be excluded. (And I was born too recently to have been a 50s housewife, in case you were wondering.)

short+sassy · June 2020

kfksab15 said:

Y'all wild. Idk when you got married but I feel like I'm being given advice by a bunch of 1950's housewives lol.

Good manners and not offending your guests, never goes out of style.

Jen4948 · June 2020

Never been a housewife, let alone in the 50s. But the ones I knew would agree with the consensus here.

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