Maid of Honor Wants to Invite Her Family

Re: Maid of Honor Wants to Invite Her Family

• Jen4948 member

  

  February 2020 edited June 2020

  I think the third option is your best bet. Don't "'hope the space situation works out" or  "see how many RSVPs you get and invite them if there is enough room." As you note, that could be risky because it's B-listing, which is rude.
  
  Either invite them and plan for them to attend (meaning plan for them to have a place to stay at an off-site hotel and explain the situation when you invite them) or don't invite them and explain to your MOH that there isn't enough room.
  

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• downtondiva member

  

  February 2020

  I agree with @Jen4948 that the 3rd option is your best one. You should never plan anything in the hopes that some people won't RSVP; even though it almost never happens, you have to assume that everyone you invite will attend. And you're right that your last option isn't a good one - that would be B-listing which is never a nice thing to do. You either invite someone or you don't; you don't wait around to see how many people decline before inviting certain other people.

  
  

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• charlotte989875 member

  

  February 2020

  marianhabesland said:

  My MOH has asked if her parents and two teenage sisters can be invited to the wedding. I have known both her and her family since I was 8 years old, and I know her family would greatly appreciate being inviting.

  My fiance and I live in the US, but the wedding is in Norway as that is where I grew up, at a rural location 2.5 hours away from where the Norwegian guests are coming from (we have American guests flying in also). The issue is that the location we are leaning towards has lodging on site that the guests will be staying at and there is a limited amount of bedrooms. My parents and I discussed it and were originally not thinking about inviting them, but I do feel a bit guilty about this as my MOH was saying it would mean the world to them, and I am worried she and the family would be upset if I don't invite them.
  

  There are options for hotels 15-30 minutes away as well, but guests would likely have a better experience staying on-site as that will be where everything will be happening. We do, however, have more than enough room in the actual church/area for dinner. Which option do you all think would be the best?
  

  - Simply not inviting them

  - Inviting them, and just hope the space situation works out (maybe we don't get as many RSVPs as we thought)

  - Inviting them, but asking if they are willing to stay at hotel off-site so we don't have to worry about space

  - Seeing how many RSVPs we get and invite them if there is enough room (I feel this could be a bit risky?)

  Any advice is greatly appreciated!
  

  Are paying for and arranging the lodging at the venue? If so I think it’s fine to invite them but not offer for them to stay at the location. If you’re not arranging hotel accommodations for any guests I think you invite them (and anyone else you want to come) and give everyone all the hotel options and leave it up to them to decide where to stay. I don’t think, unless you’re responsible for booking/arranging the venue accommodations, it’s okay to say who can and can’t stay at that location. 

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• MobKaz member

  

  February 2020

  Relationship notwithstanding, I find it rude that your MOH took it upon herself to even ask about additional invitations.  I find it unfair, to say the least,  for a close friend to lay such a burden of guilt on you.  If I were to invite them at all, I would opt for the third suggestion.  However, I would not "ask" them if they are willing to accept the off-site suggestion, as that affords them the opportunity to decline, and insist on lodging at the ceremony site.  That just adds another layer of guilt and burden on you and your family. 
  

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• downtondiva member

  

  February 2020

  MobKaz said:

  Relationship notwithstanding, I find it rude that your MOH took it upon herself to even ask about additional invitations.  I find it unfair, to say the least,  for a close friend to lay such a burden of guilt on you.  If I were to invite them at all, I would opt for the third suggestion.  However, I would not "ask" them if they are willing to accept the off-site suggestion, as that affords them the opportunity to decline, and insist on lodging at the ceremony site.  That just adds another layer of guilt and burden on you and your family. 
  

  Yeah, I was kind of thinking about this myself. I don't approve of people inviting themselves or of anyone outside of the marrying couple's immediate family asking for others to be invited. If OP doesn't want to just not invite this family at all, though, I think the third option is the most sensible way to do it. But I do agree with you that it wasn't fair to put OP between a rock and a hard place like this.

  
  

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• MesmrEwe member

  

  March 2020

  Invite them, inform them that the nearest accommodations are 15-30 minutes away due to numbers right now...If something changes and you can get them in on-site you'd work with them, but knowing up front there'll be transportation they need to plan for, go ahead and do the invite as long as you have space for the main events.  

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• thunder_bride member

  

  June 2020

  It's typical to give your wedding party a +1, so maybe tell her she can invite one person for now. If you get a lot of declines, maybe she can bring them all.

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• Jen4948 member

  

  June 2020

  thunder_bride said:

  It's typical to give your wedding party a +1, so maybe tell her she can invite one person for now. If you get a lot of declines, maybe she can bring them all.

  The bolded is called B-listing, and it's considered extremely rude. You don't invite people after other guests have declined. They can figure out that they're replacements. That's hurtful to them, and it can be hurtful to people who really wanted to attend and couldn't.

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