Help with day of schedule!

knottie1853e98454e1086e · June 2020

Wedding timeline help! (2pm ceremony, 2 locations, no first look)

Hi everyone! I’m in need of some help coming up with a wedding day of timeline or even examples of what others have done with similar situations. We have a photographer and videographer both scheduled for 10 hours. The ceremony starts at 2pm and is a 30 minute catholic ceremony. We are getting ready at a bridal suite in our reception venue which is 30 minutes away from the church (so we have to account for a 30 minute drive to the church and then back to the reception after). Boys will likely do something similar. We also are opting to not do a first look considering the ceremony will be at 2 and the reception will start at 6 with cocktail hour being from 5-6 (I will not be attending cocktail hour). Additionally I really wanted to do a sparkler send off. Because we only have the photo and video for 10 hours and we probably won’t be able to have them there all night, I have been considering doing a sparkler send off partway through the reception after all the fun games/tosses/some dancing where only the family and bridal party holds the sparklers so we get the cool photos! That way we can all go back to dancing after and we don’t need to extend the photo and video to the end of the reception.

If anyone can provide a similar day of timeline or just help me come up with one I’d be so grateful! This has been the most stressful part of planning so far!

TLDR:
I need help coming up with a wedding timeline with these main points - photo and video have 10hr contract, ceremony and reception locations 30 minutes apart (getting ready at reception and traveling to church), no first look, 30 minute ceremony, 5pm cocktail hour, 6pm reception, staged sparkler send off with bridal party and family before photo/video leave

ei34 · June 2020

knottie1853e98454e1086e said:

Wedding timeline help! (2pm ceremony, 2 locations, no first look)

Hi everyone! I’m in need of some help coming up with a wedding day of timeline or even examples of what others have done with similar situations. We have a photographer and videographer both scheduled for 10 hours. The ceremony starts at 2pm and is a 30 minute catholic ceremony. We are getting ready at a bridal suite in our reception venue which is 30 minutes away from the church (so we have to account for a 30 minute drive to the church and then back to the reception after). Boys will likely do something similar. We also are opting to not do a first look considering the ceremony will be at 2 and the reception will start at 6 with cocktail hour being from 5-6 (I will not be attending cocktail hour). Additionally I really wanted to do a sparkler send off. Because we only have the photo and video for 10 hours and we probably won’t be able to have them there all night, I have been considering doing a sparkler send off partway through the reception after all the fun games/tosses/some dancing where only the family and bridal party holds the sparklers so we get the cool photos! That way we can all go back to dancing after and we don’t need to extend the photo and video to the end of the reception.

If anyone can provide a similar day of timeline or just help me come up with one I’d be so grateful! This has been the most stressful part of planning so far!

TLDR:
I need help coming up with a wedding timeline with these main points - photo and video have 10hr contract, ceremony and reception locations 30 minutes apart (getting ready at reception and traveling to church), no first look, 30 minute ceremony, 5pm cocktail hour, 6pm reception, staged sparkler send off with bridal party and family before photo/video leave

A 10-hour window for photo/video is fine. The ten hours should be 12:30-10:30pm. If you're leaving your getting ready venue at 1:30, have them come at 12:30 to get "getting ready" footage. And just going off receptions by me, a reception lasts around four hours, which for you is 6-10...you don't have to stage an exit in the middle of your reception, just do the sparklers at the actual end, if photo/video are there until 10:30 they'll catch it. I don't see any problem with capturing what you want within ten hours.

I know you didn't ask, but the problems that I did catch when reading your post (as someone who's had a wedding and has attended lots) have to do with one of the most important things- guest comfort. The long gap between ceremony and reception, as well as thinking of wedding guests as props (staging a sendoff right in the middle of everyone's good time for the sake of photos) won't give guests the best experience possible. I had a Catholic mass (which I guess is different from what you call a Catholic ceremony, bc mine was an hour, not 30min) and no gap, so please don't blame the church. So I'd honestly work more on tweaking the guest experience, because I think your 10-hour contracts will be fine!

banana468 · June 2020

A few questions
-Are you having a ceremony and no mass? Even with that timing, 30 minutes is fairly aggressive for timing.
-What are you able to do to move up the reception to start earlier or move the ceremony timing? Even with transit time to your reception venue this looks to be a long period of a lack of hosting for guests. They do need to be hosted the entire time once your ceremony starts.
-I would consider a sparkler exit at the end of the ceremony vs. reception. This does not force guests to get up in the middle of the reception.

knottie1853e98454e1086e · June 2020

that could be an option! I just don’t want to leave my getting ready venue at 1:30. I’d rather leave at 1 so I can get there by 1:30 and be hidden away for when guests arrive. I also appreciate your input about guest comfort! I will do everything I can to make sure they have something to do in that gap. However the photos and video are something very important to me. So the gap will ultimately be determined by how much time is necessary for these things. A sparkler send off is also something I’ve really wanted to do for a while! So I’m just trying to brainstorm ways to make this happen. Whether that be staged with only my bridal party, or somehow make it work for everyone to participate at the end of the night. I think it looks beautiful in photos and it’s important to me to make that happen!. You only get married once after all!

knottie1853e98454e1086e · June 2020

For your questions:

correct. We are having a ceremony with no mass. This takes about 30 minutes and our church has told us this is pretty much expected timing.

We aren’t able to move the ceremony time any later. But we will do everything we can to start to cocktail hour as early as possible! It just depends on how long photos and video will take. As long as those take will determine the time we start cocktail hour and the reception. During their waiting time for cocktail hour we plan to give our guests a list of suggested places to visit for a snack, drink, or little shops. The reception is in a cute lake town so there are tons of places!

I do like the idea of the sparklers at the end of the ceremony. However the church does not allow them. So we have to do it at the reception.

Ultimately I truly do care about the guests! But I also want to be able to do all the things I’ve always wanted on this day. Which includes capturing getting ready all the way to a sparkler send off. I’ll never be able to make everyone happy, but I will certainly do my best!

banana468 · June 2020

knottie1853e98454e1086e said:

For your questions:

correct. We are having a ceremony with no mass. This takes about 30 minutes and our church has told us this is pretty much expected timing.

We aren’t able to move the ceremony time any later. But we will do everything we can to start to cocktail hour as early as possible! It just depends on how long photos and video will take. As long as those take will determine the time we start cocktail hour and the reception. During their waiting time for cocktail hour we plan to give our guests a list of suggested places to visit for a snack, drink, or little shops. The reception is in a cute lake town so there are tons of places!

I do like the idea of the sparklers at the end of the ceremony. However the church does not allow them. So we have to do it at the reception.

Ultimately I truly do care about the guests! But I also want to be able to do all the things I’ve always wanted on this day. Which includes capturing getting ready all the way to a sparkler send off. I’ll never be able to make everyone happy, but I will certainly do my best!

You need to host the guests during the time you're doing photos.

So what you're going to need to do is not force them to wait for the cocktail hour. Get photos done during the cocktail hour if you must. A list of things to do is not going to work and frankly, people don't want to sight see in wedding clothes even if it's a cute town.

If you want to do sparklers at the reception then my advice is to start the reception right away and ask guests to meet you to do a sparkler exit as they walk in? Then upon the sparkler exit, you're off doing photos and they're drinking and eating food in small sizes. You get to go get photos, they're eating and drinking and you get the sparklers. Win / Win!

knottie1853e98454e1086e · June 2020

that could be an idea! I’ve actually known a lot of people who suggested places to eat or visit before the reception and it never seemed to be an issue. My crowd is pretty relaxed and I know they would be ok with whatever we chose to do. We can never please everyone though! Either way a sparkler entrance may be another idea we could consider. Good idea!

banana468 · June 2020

knottie1853e98454e1086e said:

that could be an idea! I’ve actually known a lot of people who suggested places to eat or visit before the reception and it never seemed to be an issue. My crowd is pretty relaxed and I know they would be ok with whatever we chose to do. We can never please everyone though! Either way a sparkler entrance may be another idea we could consider. Good idea!

Here's a thing that unfortunately doesn't come up often but it's reality:

-Gaps have existed in a ton of weddings. People acknowledge them but no one likes them. It's so rare that people complain to the couple about them however the issue is that they are really annoying and more often than not they're preventable.

-In the middle of a global pandemic is a gap the worst thing that comes up? No. But please respect the timing of your guests as much as possible. Going to a wedding means dressing up, heels, a suit for DH and in the summer it's SO HOT for him. Once we are in that zone, we don't want to find something else to do. We do it and put up with it because it' s not a battle worth picking but it's something we shouldn't have to do either. We should be hosted.

-I get it. I'm Catholic and dealt with the issues of timing. But you absolutely do need to put the comfort of your guests first. Then back into that with what you want. I PROMISE you that you can find a proper balance.

knottie1853e98454e1086e · June 2020

I’ll certainly do my best to make it all happen! I will make sure my guests are hosted and also be sure to get everything done that I wanted to do. The gap isn’t ideal but we plan to work with it for our advantage.

banana468 · June 2020

knottie1853e98454e1086e said:

I’ll certainly do my best to make it all happen! I will make sure my guests are hosted and also be sure to get everything done that I wanted to do. The gap isn’t ideal but we plan to work with it for our advantage.

At the risk of repeating myself - the gap is the problem that you need to eliminate.

But if you host something it's SO much better for guests.

Remember - once your ceremony starts, your guests need to be hosted the entire time. Please try to improve this for them because it's really the thing you need to do even though it's your wedding day and getting photos is also important.

knottie1853e98454e1086e · June 2020

Thanks for the input! I’ll do my best to make the gap as short as possible so guests stay comfortable. I know whatever we decide to do our friends and family will be supportive and glad to celebrate our day however we are able to make it work!

flantastic · June 2020

knottie1853e98454e1086e said:

Thanks for the input! I’ll do my best to make the gap as short as possible so guests stay comfortable. I know whatever we decide to do our friends and family will be supportive and glad to celebrate our day however we are able to make it work!

You are the only person advantaged by the gap, which makes it purely selfish. I understand trying to grasp at normalcy for the wedding, but the excuse "They'll be supportive" is always code for "They'll do what I want even if is super inconvenient for them, because they love me." But why would you do that if you love them?

knottie1853e98454e1086e · June 2020

Thanks for the advice everyone! I care about my guests deeply and love them. They are my family and friends! I will have a gap on my wedding day and I am ok with it as are they. It is something I have discussed with majority of them. However if anyone else has timeline ideas I would love to hear them! Thanks again!

banana468 · June 2020

knottie1853e98454e1086e said:

Thanks for the advice everyone! I care about my guests deeply and love them. They are my family and friends! I will have a gap on my wedding day and I am ok with it as are they. It is something I have discussed with majority of them. However if anyone else has timeline ideas I would love to hear them! Thanks again!

I think what you may not be getting is that
-Not everyone is probably telling you the truth
-No one should be put in the position of being OK with something that is still inherently rude by design.
-Because you love these people you should not be putting them in the position of having to be OK with anything. Of course YOU are OK with it - you're actually doing something during that gap. As someone who now has her wedding behind her and only attends them (now as someone with kids often in tow) I will love the couple, and lie through my teeth telling them it's fine but will seethe as I figure out how to be hungry enough to eat my weight in cheese at the cocktail hour while not being hungry enough to fall down during the gap.

maine7mob · June 2020

If your ceremony ends at 2:30 (realistically, it will be more like 2:40 because brides are never exactly on time), guests will mingle to congratulate you in the door of the church before heading to the reception site. They will also be talking to each other. They won't just jump in their cars and head to the reception.

You will want pictures of your families at the church, so you can do some while your guests are greeting one another. If you start the cocktail part at 3:30, you won't have a gap, as your guests will be trickling in then. While they are having cocktails and hors d'oeuvres, you and your WP can go off and do your pictures. These will take longer than you think, but you should be done by 5, at which point you can serve dinner. The only drawback to this earlier scenario is that the reception may end before it is dark enough for sparklers, but a compromise like this won't kill you, and it will make your guests more comfortable.

It's all well and good to think that your guests won't mind shopping in your cute town in their heels and suits, but if it's blistering hot, humid, or worse, pouring down rain, they will be trash talking you as they take refuge in that hideous shopping mall right off the freeway in the next town. So don't do this.

MyNameIsNot · June 2020

Here's what we did:

10:00-12:00 Getting ready photos (Photographers arrived around 9:30)
12:30-1:00 Bride/bridesmaids pre-photos at church
1:00-1:30 Groom/groom's party pre-photos at church
2:00-3:00 Ceremony
3:00-3:30 Travel time
3:30-4:30 Cocktail hour for guests, remaining photos for B&G and family
4:30-9:00 Reception (Photographers took breaks during meal, then resumed shooting during dancing)
9:00 - Sparkler send off (Photographers left around 9:30)

I didn't have a gap because I actually do care about my guests, I don't just pretend to while putting my own selfish interests ahead of guest comfort.

We had our photographers for closer to 12 hours, but you could easily trim off the getting ready photos to get all of that done in 10.

knottie95a911d0b3623bf2 · June 2020

Just wanted to say if you want to do the gap keep it it's not selfish! I don't understand why people are being so rude about it.
I found this post while trying to figure out a timeline for my own wedding and I didn't realize everyone was so opposed to a gap. I've never been to wedding that didn't have a gap (to be fair every wedding I've been to was Catholic) so that's just how I assume weddings are and how I have been planning to have mine. It must be regional but what I don't think people understand is that to some people the gaps are expected and welcome. Majority of weddings I've been to have also been out of state for most guests so guests just used that time to drink/freshen up in the hotel or explore the town since it's a new place for them.

banana468 · June 2020

knottie95a911d0b3623bf2 said:

Just wanted to say if you want to do the gap keep it it's not selfish! I don't understand why people are being so rude about it.
I found this post while trying to figure out a timeline for my own wedding and I didn't realize everyone was so opposed to a gap. I've never been to wedding that didn't have a gap (to be fair every wedding I've been to was Catholic) so that's just how I assume weddings are and how I have been planning to have mine. It must be regional but what I don't think people understand is that to some people the gaps are expected and welcome. Majority of weddings I've been to have also been out of state for most guests so guests just used that time to drink/freshen up in the hotel or explore the town since it's a new place for them.

No no no!

I'm a cradle Catholic. I've been to mostly Catholic weddings. Some had gaps but most didn't.

People "get" that sometimes there are gaps. That said, those are often due to restrictions with the church and the venue and the lack of flexibility with both of them. However, you CAN have a Catholic wedding without a gap (I did!) and the OP appears to be actively planning to have one.

People will figure out what to do. Grown adults are resourceful and know how to find things (also why they don't need to be told where the couple are registered but I digress...) however the gap itself is still inherently rude because you are not hosting your guests during that time.

MyNameIsNot · June 2020

knottie95a911d0b3623bf2 said:

Just wanted to say if you want to do the gap keep it it's not selfish! I don't understand why people are being so rude about it.
I found this post while trying to figure out a timeline for my own wedding and I didn't realize everyone was so opposed to a gap. I've never been to wedding that didn't have a gap (to be fair every wedding I've been to was Catholic) so that's just how I assume weddings are and how I have been planning to have mine. It must be regional but what I don't think people understand is that to some people the gaps are expected and welcome. Majority of weddings I've been to have also been out of state for most guests so guests just used that time to drink/freshen up in the hotel or explore the town since it's a new place for them.

The only rude thing here is a gap.

Some people put up with gaps because they're too nice to say anything and they've been conditioned to accept being treated poorly. That doesn't mean it's acceptable or anything less than rude. It's incredibly selfish to leave people waiting around for hours because you can't be flexible on your timeline or with a venue. It just is.

There are plenty of ways to have a catholic wedding without a gap. (See my timeline above). Leaving a gap is just lazy, and is often because the couple puts a pretty venue or a photo image ahead of the comfort of their guests. That's the definition of selfish.

MobKaz · June 2020

knottie95a911d0b3623bf2 said:

Just wanted to say if you want to do the gap keep it it's not selfish! I don't understand why people are being so rude about it.
I found this post while trying to figure out a timeline for my own wedding and I didn't realize everyone was so opposed to a gap. I've never been to wedding that didn't have a gap (to be fair every wedding I've been to was Catholic) so that's just how I assume weddings are and how I have been planning to have mine. It must be regional but what I don't think people understand is that to some people the gaps are expected and welcome. Majority of weddings I've been to have also been out of state for most guests so guests just used that time to drink/freshen up in the hotel or explore the town since it's a new place for them.

100% selfish and rude.

I have attended out of state weddings. If less than a 4 hour drive, I will often just drive back home. Thoughtless huge gaps have caused me to either decline attendance or incur unnecessary hotel costs.

Rude is not regional. Gaps are not exclusive to Catholics. My daughter had a full nuptial mass and no gap. NO gap is welcome. I do not need to freshen up from watching a ceremony. If OOT, the last thing I want to do is schlepp around in wedding attire to "explore" a town.

You have an opportunity to break the rude cycle. Surprise your guests by avoiding the gap and you may be surprised at their refreshing responses!

Help with day of schedule!

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