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Wedding Woes

"These" letters are getting on my last nerve.

Dear Prudence,

2020 has been the best year of my life. That’s the problem. The country is reeling from a pandemic, rampant unemployment, and violent racism, but in the last six months my husband has finally found a depression treatment that works, which has wildly improved our marriage. I’ve finally found a job that pays well and that’s enabled us to move out of poverty. Now that I have health insurance, I was able to treat a chronic injury and start exercising again. I’m no longer in constant pain. To top it all off, a nasty and manipulative relative died. I know that sounds callous, but you wouldn’t believe what she put us through. We’ve been hanging on by our fingernails for years, and suddenly our quality of life has skyrocketed, during one of the worst periods in modern American history.

I’m trying to keep this low-key. I’ve been wearing masks in public, I practice social distancing, have been donating generously to a number of charities and nonprofits. But I feel like I’m pretending to grieve when I’m not. Yesterday on a Zoom call, someone asked how everyone was holding up during these tough times, and someone else responded, “Wow, [LW] looks great!” I realized I was smiling, even glowing. Is there something wrong with me? If so, how do I fix it?

—Right Feeling, Wrong Time

Re: "These" letters are getting on my last nerve.

  • Why is this so hard for people to get? 

    You can have things going well for YOU.

    No one, not even happy people want to keep hearing it.   Instead, you can say that things have been going well and you are also working to be an ally to those in need.   Because if you're only focused on yourself you're doing it wrong. 
  • Oh FFS. You're allowed to be happy with and enjoy the improvements in your life! 
  • Oh boohoo I'm so happy and lucky!!  This is so hard for me!!!  How do I make other people's problems my own and lift this horrible curse?

  • ei34ei34 member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Yeah how many weeks in a row have we had a letter to Prudie like this?  I think it's wonderful that there are people thriving right now.  But the more letters that people are actually taking the time to write, the more it feels like a humble-brag to me. 
  • There’s a lot of faux hand wringing in these letters lately, or people wanting a pat on the back for doing well when other people aren’t. 

    FFS, be happy, love your life, don’t be an asshole to your friends who are struggling. But don’t expect applause on how well you’ve managed. People who haven’t aren’t doing anything wrong either. 
  • I'm reading this type of situation a little different from some of you.  I think there is a weird quirk in human nature that causes people to often feel guilty when they are fine or not as worse off as others during/after a tragedy.

    Logically, there is no reason to feel guilty.  But people do anyway.  That's what I see these letters as.  People struggling with their guilt and trying to figure out how to manage it.

    But, right.  At the same time, a general question of "How are you doing?" or...even more general...asking a group "How is everyone doing in these difficult times?"  Is...just like it is outside of a pandemic...not a question where the questioner is actually looking for all the details of why someone is feeling the way they do.  Good or bad. 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • OFFS - Yes, lately it seems like no one wants people to be vibrating happiness and that we're 24/7 suppose to be outraged by one thing or another like it's a crab pot.  Turn off the news, go live life LW, and stop feeling unworthy of happiness!!

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