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Wedding Woes

Mara needs to own her mistake.

Dear Prudence,

My adult son and his girlfriend, “Mara,” have been staying with me due to the pandemic for the last two months. Last week, Mara accidentally used my contact solution. It’s a particular cleaner with hydrogen peroxide, and you have to let the contacts soak for six hours at a minimum, until it neutralizes into a saline solution. The bottle has a bright red cap and a warning label, but Mara did not read it or speak to me before using it. As a result, she burned one of her eyes. It’s been a week, and her vision is apparently still blurry.

My son has asked me to pay for Mara’s eye doctor appointment. I am living off of Social Security, and I don’t have the money. Besides, Mara used something without asking and then disregarded the very visible warning signs on the bottle. This has caused heightened tension in the midst of an already stressful time. Who’s in the right here? And, assuming I don’t end up paying, how do I heal this rift with Mara?

—Peroxide Problems

Re: Mara needs to own her mistake.

  • Is the son asking for mom to pay or Mara?  Either way she doesn’t have to, but I’d be so much more hurt if my own som didn’t even realize this was on Mara. 

  • Nope. Mara used something that wasn’t hers, didn’t pay attention, and unfortunately was hurt. That sucks but the LW didn’t do this to Mara so of course she’s not responsible. Sounds like it’s time to re-evaluate the living situation and help son and Mara create a timeline for moving out. 
  • Mara is at fault. She needs to pay for her own appointment. 
  • I am kind of shocked LW's son asked her to pay for Mara's mistake.  He has to know LW is on a fixed income and probably doesn't have extra money. 

    I just don't see where in this the son could draw any conclusion that it was somehow LW's fault.  I assume Mara is an adult (because if she's not, then there's a whole other problem here) and if she wears contacts, she knows how to take care of them.  Mara missed all the steps here and injured herself. 

    Furthermore if son and Mara are that hard up for money, they need to step it up.   There are many places hiring.  See where the closest Amazon warehouse is or something. 
  • Mom needs to keep standing her ground.  And if she hasn't already been blunt, she needs to be.  Like, "I'm sorry Mara had this accident.  But it is 100% her fault and 0% mine.  So it completely boggles my mind on what planet you think I should pay for any of her medical expenses.  Now, if you want to help her out, how about you take it out of all the money you've been saving by staying with me for free.  How about THAT?"

    I realize the LW doesn't say they are staying with her rent free, lol.  But I can't help but make that assumption or at least they are staying with her for far less then living on their own and far less than she'd charge a stranger for renting the room.   
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • I use that contact lens solution and it's CLEARLY labeled with warnings and instructions. If Mara can't be bothered to pay attention to clear warning signs, that is her fault alone.
  • ei34ei34 member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I applaud LW for not responding to the son with "I'm not paying for Mara's appt.  And here's what you owe me for the contact solution she wasted.  And here's going rate for rent in our area, x two months."  Okay the last part was unnecessary bc I understand that lots of family members are letting others stay with them for free.  But it would be time to reassess the living situation, if my son was nickel and diming me for his gf's carelessness, instead of falling on his knees with gratitude.
  • Sigh.  The entitlement.  

  • I use that contact lens solution and it's CLEARLY labeled with warnings and instructions. If Mara can't be bothered to pay attention to clear warning signs, that is her fault alone.
    Yep, I knew exactly what the solution was when it was described b/c I used to use it.  Warning labels, the bottle has a red cap and a red squeeze tip, and it's very clearly not a normal saline solution.  I hate that Mara burned her eye, b/c I've used it when I hadn't let it soak for the full time and it does hurt, but this is Mara's fault.
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