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Wedding Woes

You need to figure out why you're bothered without putting it on her.

Dear Prudence,

I’ve been dating a medical student for four years (she’s in her last year now). She eventually decided to specialize as an OB-GYN, particularly in reproductive rights and abortion care. Theoretically, I’m all for this. I’m a pro-choice liberal too, and as someone who will probably be her future husband, I know it’s important to support her career choices. Right now she’s only assisting with abortions, but once she graduates, she’ll be doing them independently nearly every day. I hate that I’m saying this, but the ethics of this decision make me feel squeamish. I believe abortions should be safely available to all folks who want them. But sleeping next to someone who does that procedure day in and day out is taking a toll. I absolutely cannot bring it up because a huge part of her value system is being pro-choice and preparing to provide abortions for those who could not otherwise safely access them. I feel so horrible for having this hang-up. What should I do? Is there a way I can fix this by myself so I can be the supportive partner she deserves?

—Uneasily Supportive

Re: You need to figure out why you're bothered without putting it on her.

  • You are definitely not as pro-choice as you’re pretending to be. 


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  • Break up with her or sort it out on your own, if you burden her with this you will be colossal asshole. 

  • He's right in that he either needs to find a way to accept it and be okay with it or he needs to end things.  Maybe some solo therapist sessions to better work out WHY it bothers him.

    Perhaps a redirection of his thoughts.  Focusing on the good and positive things her services will provide.  A service that is disappearing faster and faster.  His g/f will be a conscientious doctor who is helping to keep women safe.  Most especially disadvantaged women who don't have the means to travel out of town or to another state to find an abortion provider.

    Maybe even picturing the pure mechanics of it will take the edge off his emotions.  TBH an abortion, at least in the first trimester, seems like a pretty boring and mundane medical procedure when you take the social controversy out of it.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • He's right in that he either needs to find a way to accept it and be okay with it or he needs to end things.  Maybe some solo therapist sessions to better work out WHY it bothers him.

    Perhaps a redirection of his thoughts.  Focusing on the good and positive things her services will provide.  A service that is disappearing faster and faster.  His g/f will be a conscientious doctor who is helping to keep women safe.  Most especially disadvantaged women who don't have the means to travel out of town or to another state to find an abortion provider.

    Maybe even picturing the pure mechanics of it will take the edge off his emotions.  TBH an abortion, at least in the first trimester, seems like a pretty boring and mundane medical procedure when you take the social controversy out of it.
    All of this but mostly bolded.
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