Regrets

Re: Regrets

• charlotte989875 member

  

  July 2020

  knottie22547a37bac55870 said:

  My husband and I have been married almost a year, but I can't help and wish I could change things about our wedding. I've been working on our wedding album lately and it has brought back all of the feelings of wishing I had picked different stuff or certain things worked out differently. I don't know how to stop these feelings. They are driving me crazy. Any advice?

  I think this is pretty normal; there are certainly things I wish I had done a lot differently for our wedding and sometimes it bugs me when I think about it (even 5 years later!). 

  
  

  Try and focus on the things that you do like, or the things that worked out well. Put up pictures from those things! 

  
  

  Also, take a break from the wedding album if it’s bumming you out! There’s enough stress in the world right now so if looking through those are making you feel bad about what you did, step aside for a while. You can always come back to it at a later point. 

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• banana468 member

  

  July 2020

  knottie22547a37bac55870 said:

  My husband and I have been married almost a year, but I can't help and wish I could change things about our wedding. I've been working on our wedding album lately and it has brought back all of the feelings of wishing I had picked different stuff or certain things worked out differently. I don't know how to stop these feelings. They are driving me crazy. Any advice?

  There is SO MUCH wrapped up in making a wedding perfect.   You're not alone that there's so much that's thrown into some concept that a wedding is THE thing and needs to be perfect.  
  
  I'll still look back nearly 13 years later and think, "Oh I wish we did that."  
  
  The important thing I need to remind myself is that we made choices that were right for us at the time and now we have each other.   You can't reverse time and if the choices are all superficial or things that don't make a difference in the space / time continuum, it's a matter of just wondering what could have been different.  
  
  Now it's time to focus on new things.   We're now 10 years into our home and the wedding is a distant memory.   I focus on the things I CAN change - like the size of my kitchen. 

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• short+sassy member

  

  July 2020

  I think the wedding industry, all the wedding reality tv shows, and movies thwart what happens in the real world and can put unnecessarily high expectations and pressure on couples.  Most people don't have a picture-perfect wedding.  With every, single thing perfect.  We don't have the option, like movies and tv shows do, to keep redoing the scenes until they are perfect.
  
  Don't beat yourself up over it!  It doesn't sound like there was anything majorly wrong that happened.  You and your H got married and started your lives together.  Hopefully your guests had fun.  Most guests are already in a good mood for a wedding so, if they got enough to eat, they probably did have a good time, lol.  Getting married to the love of your life and having happy guests are the two main elements that make a wedding/reception a success and a great day!
  
  Some of it might also be that, now that all the planning is done and the wedding is over, there might be a "void" now in your thoughts/actions.  If you think that might be a part of it, put that to good use!  Set some goals for yourself related to something you want to do/have something else to look forward to.  Some ideas: dream vacation, new hobby or renewed passion for an old hobby, home project or buying a new home.  
  

  

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• MesmrEwe member

  

  July 2020

  For your anniversary each year, focus on one detail and "fix it".  If you didn't have the cake you wanted, fix it, order a cake that is actually what you would have picked instead (on a smaller scale of course!)...  Get a set of linens of what you wanted instead - and use them on your anniversary.  Flowers, order a bouquet that you wanted instead.  Purchase a dress to wear on your anniversary (or other occasion) that makes you feel TDF gorgeous looking at yourself in the mirror.  
  
  For the most part, you're normal in the sense that hindsight is always 2020.  You chose the details you did for a reason that was entirely valid at the time and couldn't change them for a valid reason AT THAT TIME.  Any time you start trying to "should on yourself" with "I should have done..." finish with the tag line of "it was a different place in time then, now I'm going to enjoy _____ instead!"..  A lot of brides this year are going through the same thing you are.  They planned amazing events and almost every single detail was taken away.  Your feelings are equally as valid as your feelings are your feelings.  It's what can now be done in the present to come to a peace.  Having the detail you wanted simply because you can reminds you that you can have the power to create those feelings in yourself simply because you can and don't have to be limited to one day in your life.  

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• ei34 member

  

  July 2020

  I look back sometimes and wish I'd done certain things differently too.  You're not alone in feeling that way. 
  

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• flantastic member

  

  July 2020

  I had a very specific plan for the processional music, in which I fixed the issue I had always seen of the awkwardness involved in an "opening song" for a Catholic wedding Mass. I was super proud of it. If there was a "vision" I had for a portion of the day, it was that entrance.
  
  I have no idea what the organist did, but it was not what I had planned. (Turns out the poor guy had MS and things were going downhill, unbeknownst to us.)
  
  I'm still occasionally salty that couldn't come to fruition. And I do wish we'd done one other thing differently. But I think of that occasionally, and then move on with my day. It's normal. You don't have to stop them entirely. But PPs have good suggestion for how not to obsess.

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• Jstump2 member

  

  July 2020

  My biggest regret is my husband (with good intentions) invited everyone to take whatever decorations they wanted home. Apparently all the wedding he had ever been to the centerpieces were given away and he just thought that is what everyone did. Welp, someone took something that belonged to the venue and cost us $200. I also have no lantern from my centerpiece ( I would have liked at least one to use in my home)

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