Dear Prudence,
I’m a cis woman in my late 20s and recently married my wonderful boyfriend of five years. I also thought I was straight until very recently. Last year, I was out with one of my girlfriends, and we drunkenly kissed. I kept thinking about it, and during quarantine I’ve been dwelling even more. I can’t stop thinking about women, and my sex life with my husband has plummeted, which I feel pretty guilty about. I keep looking for books and movies about lesbians and bisexual women, including porn. I know it’s possible for someone’s sexuality to change (or for their understanding of their sexuality to change) relatively late in life, and I feel like that’s what’s happening to me. I’ve always had gay friends, and grew up supporting the LGBT community, but just thought I was a really supportive ally. But I’m worried that I’m not bisexual, that I’m actually a lesbian, and what the implications for my marriage might be. I haven’t confided in anyone because I’m afraid to blow up my life. But I also know this isn’t fair to my husband or to me. What do I do? How can I figure out my sexuality while respecting my marriage?
—Not Ready to Talk