Baby Struggles

knottie22547a37bac55870 · July 2020

Our one year wedding anniversary is on Monday which is amazing. I can't believe how quickly time has passed. We have been struggling ever since we got married to have a baby. For nine months, I didn't have period. I went through tons of testing and it was determined I have PCOS which makes it more difficult to conceive. I finally started getting regular periods about three months ago. My husband's female best friend just announced on Sunday she is pregnant. I have had problems with her in the past constantly calling my husband. She has called 3 times since Sunday to talk to him. She doesn't know we are struggling to have a baby because I don't feel that it is any of her business. Every time she calls I end up breaking down in tears because it just reminds me that we've been struggling to conceive. I just can't seem to mentally deal with anyone who is pregnant and it is so much harder now because she's always calling him and she's a constant remind of what I want, but don't have. While I wish I could be happy for her, she has expressed numerous times that she never wanted children. I believe she also had an abortion several years. Her boyfriend (the father of the baby) has also said he never wants children. In fact, he was previously engaged and one of the reasons the engagement ended was because his ex wanted children. So given all of that, I just find it hard to be happy for someone who isn't even thrilled about having a baby while I sit here praying every day for a baby. I'm not sure what to do because I don't want to come between her and my husband since they are best friends, but her calling instantly causes me to cry.

charlotte989875 · July 2020

knottie22547a37bac55870 said:

Our one year wedding anniversary is on Monday which is amazing. I can't believe how quickly time has passed. We have been struggling ever since we got married to have a baby. For nine months, I didn't have period. I went through tons of testing and it was determined I have PCOS which makes it more difficult to conceive. I finally started getting regular periods about three months ago. My husband's female best friend just announced on Sunday she is pregnant. I have had problems with her in the past constantly calling my husband. She has called 3 times since Sunday to talk to him. She doesn't know we are struggling to have a baby because I don't feel that it is any of her business. Every time she calls I end up breaking down in tears because it just reminds me that we've been struggling to conceive. I just can't seem to mentally deal with anyone who is pregnant and it is so much harder now because she's always calling him and she's a constant remind of what I want, but don't have. While I wish I could be happy for her, she has expressed numerous times that she never wanted children. I believe she also had an abortion several years. Her boyfriend (the father of the baby) has also said he never wants children. In fact, he was previously engaged and one of the reasons the engagement ended was because his ex wanted children. So given all of that, I just find it hard to be happy for someone who isn't even thrilled about having a baby while I sit here praying every day for a baby. I'm not sure what to do because I don't want to come between her and my husband since they are best friends, but her calling instantly causes me to cry.

I’m really sorry you’re having such a hard time getting pregnant and that your struggling with all of this! It’s definitely super hard.

It may be time to talk to someone about your feelings though. Often times when people are struggling with getting pregnant and they eventually do fertility testing a counselor can be really helpful in dealing with these feelings. It sounds like you recognize that this could cause problems with your husband and his friend (and potentially you and your husband) if you don’t get a handle on it.

Try and remind yourself that she is not doing anything to you by getting pregnant. She’s not having a baby to spite you or to hurt you (and honestly it sounds like she doesn’t even know you’re trying). Her background doesn’t matter, her excitement doesn’t matter, none of that has anything to do whether or not you can get pregnant. Try redirecting your thoughts when they talk and remind yourself that while you can have these feelings you don’t need to act on them.

Good luck! It’s such an emotional time trying to get pregnant!

MyNameIsNot · July 2020

Agree with PP, it's time to seek out some counseling. It's understandable that you are jealous that your husband's friend was able to get pregnant without really trying, while you are struggling. It's not uncommon for people dealing with fertility issues to struggle to be happy for pregnant friends and family.

It sounds like you're focusing your own frustrations toward anger and judgment of this woman. Once you get to the place where you are pointing out to strangers that she may have had an abortion in the past, you know it's time for help. That is a lot of vitriol for something that is simply none of your business. A counselor can help you work through your emotions rather than irrationally focusing them on a third party.

banana468 · July 2020

I am going to agree with others here.

I've been there when I felt like I did the things I was supposed to and then when I didn't get pregnant on "my" clock it felt like I was being wronged by the universe.

I had to remind myself that people are getting pregnant all over the place and it's highly unlikely that anyone is doing it as a specific disservice to me. Can you imagine? Bringing a whole person into the world just to spite someone who has nothing to do with the child?

I remember talking to my OB after I had my first and he said, "The best way to get pregnant is with red wine and soft music." And basically his approach was that taking baby making clinically is going to set yourself up for stress and it's going to then make you less likely to conceive. Also, consider that for the friend of your H's, she may need that shoulder because she's super stressed about what's about to happen because it wasn't in her plan. She's going through a major life issue and it's the opposite. And please support her because that's a big deal too.

If you have been diagnosed with the PCOS then hopefully you are seeing a great doctor who is helping you get hormones set. Look into chat boards of women who have had success after a PCOS diagnosis and see what may have worked for them. There may be hormone treatments that can work, Clomid or other options and if you haven't tracked (although I'm guessing you do) there are cheap ovulation sticks or even the Clearblue Easy Fertility system that's a monitor and sticks that come 30 in a pack that you pee on to determine when to conceive. I use it for Natural Family Planning to tell me when not to have sex.

I want to send you hugs because this is stressful and I can only begin to think of how you feel. But PLEASE remember that your situation is your situation and someone else who gets pregnant is in THEIR situation. You are both allowed to feel the stress of your own unique situations because each of them has their own stress associated.

charlotte989875 · July 2020

banana468 said:

I am going to agree with others here.

I've been there when I felt like I did the things I was supposed to and then when I didn't get pregnant on "my" clock it felt like I was being wronged by the universe.

I had to remind myself that people are getting pregnant all over the place and it's highly unlikely that anyone is doing it as a specific disservice to me. Can you imagine? Bringing a whole person into the world just to spite someone who has nothing to do with the child?

I remember talking to my OB after I had my first and he said, "The best way to get pregnant is with red wine and soft music." And basically his approach was that taking baby making clinically is going to set yourself up for stress and it's going to then make you less likely to conceive. Also, consider that for the friend of your H's, she may need that shoulder because she's super stressed about what's about to happen because it wasn't in her plan. She's going through a major life issue and it's the opposite. And please support her because that's a big deal too.

If you have been diagnosed with the PCOS then hopefully you are seeing a great doctor who is helping you get hormones set. Look into chat boards of women who have had success after a PCOS diagnosis and see what may have worked for them. There may be hormone treatments that can work, Clomid or other options and if you haven't tracked (although I'm guessing you do) there are cheap ovulation sticks or even the Clearblue Easy Fertility system that's a monitor and sticks that come 30 in a pack that you pee on to determine when to conceive. I use it for Natural Family Planning to tell me when not to have sex.

I want to send you hugs because this is stressful and I can only begin to think of how you feel. But PLEASE remember that your situation is your situation and someone else who gets pregnant is in THEIR situation. You are both allowed to feel the stress of your own unique situations because each of them has their own stress associated.

I’ll second the ovulation test strips; my OBGYN recommended them when we were trying and I learned so much more about my cycle (which was generally consistent but I ovulate much later than the apps predicted). Totally recommend them to help you know when the best time to try is going to be.

knottie22547a37bac55870 · July 2020

banana468 said:

I am going to agree with others here.

I've been there when I felt like I did the things I was supposed to and then when I didn't get pregnant on "my" clock it felt like I was being wronged by the universe.

I had to remind myself that people are getting pregnant all over the place and it's highly unlikely that anyone is doing it as a specific disservice to me. Can you imagine? Bringing a whole person into the world just to spite someone who has nothing to do with the child?

I remember talking to my OB after I had my first and he said, "The best way to get pregnant is with red wine and soft music." And basically his approach was that taking baby making clinically is going to set yourself up for stress and it's going to then make you less likely to conceive. Also, consider that for the friend of your H's, she may need that shoulder because she's super stressed about what's about to happen because it wasn't in her plan. She's going through a major life issue and it's the opposite. And please support her because that's a big deal too.

If you have been diagnosed with the PCOS then hopefully you are seeing a great doctor who is helping you get hormones set. Look into chat boards of women who have had success after a PCOS diagnosis and see what may have worked for them. There may be hormone treatments that can work, Clomid or other options and if you haven't tracked (although I'm guessing you do) there are cheap ovulation sticks or even the Clearblue Easy Fertility system that's a monitor and sticks that come 30 in a pack that you pee on to determine when to conceive. I use it for Natural Family Planning to tell me when not to have sex.

I want to send you hugs because this is stressful and I can only begin to think of how you feel. But PLEASE remember that your situation is your situation and someone else who gets pregnant is in THEIR situation. You are both allowed to feel the stress of your own unique situations because each of them has their own stress associated.

Thank you for the support.

It is hard for me to supportive of someone who I don't feel is supportive of me or my relationship. Every time we see her she seems to cause a fight between us. She has a very difficult personality to get along with which is why she doesn't have a lot of friends and most of my husband's friends and family can't stand her. She calls my husband constantly and he's told her before she needs to realize that in the evenings it is time for him to spend with me. At one point, she was calling to give him every detail of her sex life. I told him I wasn't comfortable with it and he told her she needed to learn boundaries, but she kept calling and discussing her sex life even though she knew I was uncomfortable with it. He finally had to put his foot down and basically tell her if she didn't stop their conversations would be. She was the groomswoman, but she made everything very difficult. She went shopping with my bridesmaids and I for dresses at my husband's insistence and she made the other girls miserable. She was downgrading them the entire time. She ended up leaving early and they were so happy once she was gone. Then she had the nerve to go to my husband and say that we were being the difficult ones. I told him how she acted and he literally had to threaten her that he would kick her out of the wedding if she couldn't be civil. At our rehearsal, she was making snide comments including about the fact that we wanted to try to conceive immediately after we got married. The morning of the wedding, she badmouthed me to my brother's wife and my husband's sister. During the ceremony, she was making faces which I'm sure she didn't think we would see, but we had a videographer and photographer who caught her expressions on camera/video. She even laughed and then tried to cover it up when the preached said that we specifically picked those who support us the most to stand up with us. Given her behavior of the past four and half years, my husband and I have been together she has caused a tough of issues between us including several fights that almost resulted in us breaking up. He is extremely defensive on her though.

My gyno was the one that diagnosed me with PCOS. At first, I had to take medicine once a month to induce my period, but for the past three months it has been coming on it's own. I have also been taking a medication similar to Clomid for the past three months as well. The gyno wants me to continue taking that for three more months to see if I get pregnant. If I don't then he is going to refer us to a fertility specialist.

knottie22547a37bac55870 · July 2020

charlotte989875 said:

banana468 said:

I am going to agree with others here.

I've been there when I felt like I did the things I was supposed to and then when I didn't get pregnant on "my" clock it felt like I was being wronged by the universe.

I had to remind myself that people are getting pregnant all over the place and it's highly unlikely that anyone is doing it as a specific disservice to me. Can you imagine? Bringing a whole person into the world just to spite someone who has nothing to do with the child?

I remember talking to my OB after I had my first and he said, "The best way to get pregnant is with red wine and soft music." And basically his approach was that taking baby making clinically is going to set yourself up for stress and it's going to then make you less likely to conceive. Also, consider that for the friend of your H's, she may need that shoulder because she's super stressed about what's about to happen because it wasn't in her plan. She's going through a major life issue and it's the opposite. And please support her because that's a big deal too.

If you have been diagnosed with the PCOS then hopefully you are seeing a great doctor who is helping you get hormones set. Look into chat boards of women who have had success after a PCOS diagnosis and see what may have worked for them. There may be hormone treatments that can work, Clomid or other options and if you haven't tracked (although I'm guessing you do) there are cheap ovulation sticks or even the Clearblue Easy Fertility system that's a monitor and sticks that come 30 in a pack that you pee on to determine when to conceive. I use it for Natural Family Planning to tell me when not to have sex.

I want to send you hugs because this is stressful and I can only begin to think of how you feel. But PLEASE remember that your situation is your situation and someone else who gets pregnant is in THEIR situation. You are both allowed to feel the stress of your own unique situations because each of them has their own stress associated.

I’ll second the ovulation test strips; my OBGYN recommended them when we were trying and I learned so much more about my cycle (which was generally consistent but I ovulate much later than the apps predicted). Totally recommend them to help you know when the best time to try is going to be.

Thank you for your help

I started using the ovulation test strips about two months ago. I am also taking a medication similar to Clomid and after I take that we are supposed to have sex every other day for a week.

knottie22547a37bac55870 · July 2020

charlotte989875 said:

knottie22547a37bac55870 said:

Our one year wedding anniversary is on Monday which is amazing. I can't believe how quickly time has passed. We have been struggling ever since we got married to have a baby. For nine months, I didn't have period. I went through tons of testing and it was determined I have PCOS which makes it more difficult to conceive. I finally started getting regular periods about three months ago. My husband's female best friend just announced on Sunday she is pregnant. I have had problems with her in the past constantly calling my husband. She has called 3 times since Sunday to talk to him. She doesn't know we are struggling to have a baby because I don't feel that it is any of her business. Every time she calls I end up breaking down in tears because it just reminds me that we've been struggling to conceive. I just can't seem to mentally deal with anyone who is pregnant and it is so much harder now because she's always calling him and she's a constant remind of what I want, but don't have. While I wish I could be happy for her, she has expressed numerous times that she never wanted children. I believe she also had an abortion several years. Her boyfriend (the father of the baby) has also said he never wants children. In fact, he was previously engaged and one of the reasons the engagement ended was because his ex wanted children. So given all of that, I just find it hard to be happy for someone who isn't even thrilled about having a baby while I sit here praying every day for a baby. I'm not sure what to do because I don't want to come between her and my husband since they are best friends, but her calling instantly causes me to cry.

I’m really sorry you’re having such a hard time getting pregnant and that your struggling with all of this! It’s definitely super hard.

It may be time to talk to someone about your feelings though. Often times when people are struggling with getting pregnant and they eventually do fertility testing a counselor can be really helpful in dealing with these feelings. It sounds like you recognize that this could cause problems with your husband and his friend (and potentially you and your husband) if you don’t get a handle on it.

Try and remind yourself that she is not doing anything to you by getting pregnant. She’s not having a baby to spite you or to hurt you (and honestly it sounds like she doesn’t even know you’re trying). Her background doesn’t matter, her excitement doesn’t matter, none of that has anything to do whether or not you can get pregnant. Try redirecting your thoughts when they talk and remind yourself that while you can have these feelings you don’t need to act on them.

Good luck! It’s such an emotional time trying to get pregnant!

Thank you! I joined a couple of support groups on Facebook.

knottie22547a37bac55870 · July 2020

MyNameIsNot said:

Agree with PP, it's time to seek out some counseling. It's understandable that you are jealous that your husband's friend was able to get pregnant without really trying, while you are struggling. It's not uncommon for people dealing with fertility issues to struggle to be happy for pregnant friends and family.

It sounds like you're focusing your own frustrations toward anger and judgment of this woman. Once you get to the place where you are pointing out to strangers that she may have had an abortion in the past, you know it's time for help. That is a lot of vitriol for something that is simply none of your business. A counselor can help you work through your emotions rather than irrationally focusing them on a third party.

I joined some support groups on Facebook. My husband also suggested counseling. If we continue to struggle, I might look into it.

MyNameIsNot · July 2020

knottie22547a37bac55870 said:

banana468 said:

I am going to agree with others here.

I've been there when I felt like I did the things I was supposed to and then when I didn't get pregnant on "my" clock it felt like I was being wronged by the universe.

I had to remind myself that people are getting pregnant all over the place and it's highly unlikely that anyone is doing it as a specific disservice to me. Can you imagine? Bringing a whole person into the world just to spite someone who has nothing to do with the child?

I remember talking to my OB after I had my first and he said, "The best way to get pregnant is with red wine and soft music." And basically his approach was that taking baby making clinically is going to set yourself up for stress and it's going to then make you less likely to conceive. Also, consider that for the friend of your H's, she may need that shoulder because she's super stressed about what's about to happen because it wasn't in her plan. She's going through a major life issue and it's the opposite. And please support her because that's a big deal too.

If you have been diagnosed with the PCOS then hopefully you are seeing a great doctor who is helping you get hormones set. Look into chat boards of women who have had success after a PCOS diagnosis and see what may have worked for them. There may be hormone treatments that can work, Clomid or other options and if you haven't tracked (although I'm guessing you do) there are cheap ovulation sticks or even the Clearblue Easy Fertility system that's a monitor and sticks that come 30 in a pack that you pee on to determine when to conceive. I use it for Natural Family Planning to tell me when not to have sex.

I want to send you hugs because this is stressful and I can only begin to think of how you feel. But PLEASE remember that your situation is your situation and someone else who gets pregnant is in THEIR situation. You are both allowed to feel the stress of your own unique situations because each of them has their own stress associated.

Thank you for the support.

It is hard for me to supportive of someone who I don't feel is supportive of me or my relationship. Every time we see her she seems to cause a fight between us. She has a very difficult personality to get along with which is why she doesn't have a lot of friends and most of my husband's friends and family can't stand her. She calls my husband constantly and he's told her before she needs to realize that in the evenings it is time for him to spend with me. At one point, she was calling to give him every detail of her sex life. I told him I wasn't comfortable with it and he told her she needed to learn boundaries, but she kept calling and discussing her sex life even though she knew I was uncomfortable with it. He finally had to put his foot down and basically tell her if she didn't stop their conversations would be. She was the groomswoman, but she made everything very difficult. She went shopping with my bridesmaids and I for dresses at my husband's insistence and she made the other girls miserable. She was downgrading them the entire time. She ended up leaving early and they were so happy once she was gone. Then she had the nerve to go to my husband and say that we were being the difficult ones. I told him how she acted and he literally had to threaten her that he would kick her out of the wedding if she couldn't be civil. At our rehearsal, she was making snide comments including about the fact that we wanted to try to conceive immediately after we got married. The morning of the wedding, she badmouthed me to my brother's wife and my husband's sister. During the ceremony, she was making faces which I'm sure she didn't think we would see, but we had a videographer and photographer who caught her expressions on camera/video. She even laughed and then tried to cover it up when the preached said that we specifically picked those who support us the most to stand up with us. Given her behavior of the past four and half years, my husband and I have been together she has caused a tough of issues between us including several fights that almost resulted in us breaking up. He is extremely defensive on her though.

My gyno was the one that diagnosed me with PCOS. At first, I had to take medicine once a month to induce my period, but for the past three months it has been coming on it's own. I have also been taking a medication similar to Clomid for the past three months as well. The gyno wants me to continue taking that for three more months to see if I get pregnant. If I don't then he is going to refer us to a fertility specialist.

Wow. You are really fixated on hating this woman. I know you are really hurting, but this is not a constructive way of dealing with your pain.

I'm glad you're joining online support groups, but really hope you get some one on one counselling.

knottie22547a37bac55870 · July 2020

MyNameIsNot said:

knottie22547a37bac55870 said:

banana468 said:

I am going to agree with others here.

I've been there when I felt like I did the things I was supposed to and then when I didn't get pregnant on "my" clock it felt like I was being wronged by the universe.

I had to remind myself that people are getting pregnant all over the place and it's highly unlikely that anyone is doing it as a specific disservice to me. Can you imagine? Bringing a whole person into the world just to spite someone who has nothing to do with the child?

I remember talking to my OB after I had my first and he said, "The best way to get pregnant is with red wine and soft music." And basically his approach was that taking baby making clinically is going to set yourself up for stress and it's going to then make you less likely to conceive. Also, consider that for the friend of your H's, she may need that shoulder because she's super stressed about what's about to happen because it wasn't in her plan. She's going through a major life issue and it's the opposite. And please support her because that's a big deal too.

If you have been diagnosed with the PCOS then hopefully you are seeing a great doctor who is helping you get hormones set. Look into chat boards of women who have had success after a PCOS diagnosis and see what may have worked for them. There may be hormone treatments that can work, Clomid or other options and if you haven't tracked (although I'm guessing you do) there are cheap ovulation sticks or even the Clearblue Easy Fertility system that's a monitor and sticks that come 30 in a pack that you pee on to determine when to conceive. I use it for Natural Family Planning to tell me when not to have sex.

I want to send you hugs because this is stressful and I can only begin to think of how you feel. But PLEASE remember that your situation is your situation and someone else who gets pregnant is in THEIR situation. You are both allowed to feel the stress of your own unique situations because each of them has their own stress associated.

Thank you for the support.

It is hard for me to supportive of someone who I don't feel is supportive of me or my relationship. Every time we see her she seems to cause a fight between us. She has a very difficult personality to get along with which is why she doesn't have a lot of friends and most of my husband's friends and family can't stand her. She calls my husband constantly and he's told her before she needs to realize that in the evenings it is time for him to spend with me. At one point, she was calling to give him every detail of her sex life. I told him I wasn't comfortable with it and he told her she needed to learn boundaries, but she kept calling and discussing her sex life even though she knew I was uncomfortable with it. He finally had to put his foot down and basically tell her if she didn't stop their conversations would be. She was the groomswoman, but she made everything very difficult. She went shopping with my bridesmaids and I for dresses at my husband's insistence and she made the other girls miserable. She was downgrading them the entire time. She ended up leaving early and they were so happy once she was gone. Then she had the nerve to go to my husband and say that we were being the difficult ones. I told him how she acted and he literally had to threaten her that he would kick her out of the wedding if she couldn't be civil. At our rehearsal, she was making snide comments including about the fact that we wanted to try to conceive immediately after we got married. The morning of the wedding, she badmouthed me to my brother's wife and my husband's sister. During the ceremony, she was making faces which I'm sure she didn't think we would see, but we had a videographer and photographer who caught her expressions on camera/video. She even laughed and then tried to cover it up when the preached said that we specifically picked those who support us the most to stand up with us. Given her behavior of the past four and half years, my husband and I have been together she has caused a tough of issues between us including several fights that almost resulted in us breaking up. He is extremely defensive on her though.

My gyno was the one that diagnosed me with PCOS. At first, I had to take medicine once a month to induce my period, but for the past three months it has been coming on it's own. I have also been taking a medication similar to Clomid for the past three months as well. The gyno wants me to continue taking that for three more months to see if I get pregnant. If I don't then he is going to refer us to a fertility specialist.

Wow. You are really fixated on hating this woman. I know you are really hurting, but this is not a constructive way of dealing with your pain.

I'm glad you're joining online support groups, but really hope you get some one on one counselling.

Oh, I've never gotten along with her. His own friends and family feel she is toxic, but he refuses to see that.

banana468 · July 2020

knottie22547a37bac55870 said:

MyNameIsNot said:

knottie22547a37bac55870 said:

banana468 said:

I am going to agree with others here.

I've been there when I felt like I did the things I was supposed to and then when I didn't get pregnant on "my" clock it felt like I was being wronged by the universe.

I had to remind myself that people are getting pregnant all over the place and it's highly unlikely that anyone is doing it as a specific disservice to me. Can you imagine? Bringing a whole person into the world just to spite someone who has nothing to do with the child?

I remember talking to my OB after I had my first and he said, "The best way to get pregnant is with red wine and soft music." And basically his approach was that taking baby making clinically is going to set yourself up for stress and it's going to then make you less likely to conceive. Also, consider that for the friend of your H's, she may need that shoulder because she's super stressed about what's about to happen because it wasn't in her plan. She's going through a major life issue and it's the opposite. And please support her because that's a big deal too.

If you have been diagnosed with the PCOS then hopefully you are seeing a great doctor who is helping you get hormones set. Look into chat boards of women who have had success after a PCOS diagnosis and see what may have worked for them. There may be hormone treatments that can work, Clomid or other options and if you haven't tracked (although I'm guessing you do) there are cheap ovulation sticks or even the Clearblue Easy Fertility system that's a monitor and sticks that come 30 in a pack that you pee on to determine when to conceive. I use it for Natural Family Planning to tell me when not to have sex.

I want to send you hugs because this is stressful and I can only begin to think of how you feel. But PLEASE remember that your situation is your situation and someone else who gets pregnant is in THEIR situation. You are both allowed to feel the stress of your own unique situations because each of them has their own stress associated.

Thank you for the support.

It is hard for me to supportive of someone who I don't feel is supportive of me or my relationship. Every time we see her she seems to cause a fight between us. She has a very difficult personality to get along with which is why she doesn't have a lot of friends and most of my husband's friends and family can't stand her. She calls my husband constantly and he's told her before she needs to realize that in the evenings it is time for him to spend with me. At one point, she was calling to give him every detail of her sex life. I told him I wasn't comfortable with it and he told her she needed to learn boundaries, but she kept calling and discussing her sex life even though she knew I was uncomfortable with it. He finally had to put his foot down and basically tell her if she didn't stop their conversations would be. She was the groomswoman, but she made everything very difficult. She went shopping with my bridesmaids and I for dresses at my husband's insistence and she made the other girls miserable. She was downgrading them the entire time. She ended up leaving early and they were so happy once she was gone. Then she had the nerve to go to my husband and say that we were being the difficult ones. I told him how she acted and he literally had to threaten her that he would kick her out of the wedding if she couldn't be civil. At our rehearsal, she was making snide comments including about the fact that we wanted to try to conceive immediately after we got married. The morning of the wedding, she badmouthed me to my brother's wife and my husband's sister. During the ceremony, she was making faces which I'm sure she didn't think we would see, but we had a videographer and photographer who caught her expressions on camera/video. She even laughed and then tried to cover it up when the preached said that we specifically picked those who support us the most to stand up with us. Given her behavior of the past four and half years, my husband and I have been together she has caused a tough of issues between us including several fights that almost resulted in us breaking up. He is extremely defensive on her though.

My gyno was the one that diagnosed me with PCOS. At first, I had to take medicine once a month to induce my period, but for the past three months it has been coming on it's own. I have also been taking a medication similar to Clomid for the past three months as well. The gyno wants me to continue taking that for three more months to see if I get pregnant. If I don't then he is going to refer us to a fertility specialist.

Wow. You are really fixated on hating this woman. I know you are really hurting, but this is not a constructive way of dealing with your pain.

I'm glad you're joining online support groups, but really hope you get some one on one counselling.

Oh, I've never gotten along with her. His own friends and family feel she is toxic, but he refuses to see that.

Then she isn't the problem. I hate to break it to you but if everyone says this and your husband ignores them and you, the friend isn't the one that's the issue here.

knottie22547a37bac55870 · July 2020

banana468 said:

knottie22547a37bac55870 said:

MyNameIsNot said:

knottie22547a37bac55870 said:

banana468 said:

I am going to agree with others here.

I've been there when I felt like I did the things I was supposed to and then when I didn't get pregnant on "my" clock it felt like I was being wronged by the universe.

I had to remind myself that people are getting pregnant all over the place and it's highly unlikely that anyone is doing it as a specific disservice to me. Can you imagine? Bringing a whole person into the world just to spite someone who has nothing to do with the child?

I remember talking to my OB after I had my first and he said, "The best way to get pregnant is with red wine and soft music." And basically his approach was that taking baby making clinically is going to set yourself up for stress and it's going to then make you less likely to conceive. Also, consider that for the friend of your H's, she may need that shoulder because she's super stressed about what's about to happen because it wasn't in her plan. She's going through a major life issue and it's the opposite. And please support her because that's a big deal too.

If you have been diagnosed with the PCOS then hopefully you are seeing a great doctor who is helping you get hormones set. Look into chat boards of women who have had success after a PCOS diagnosis and see what may have worked for them. There may be hormone treatments that can work, Clomid or other options and if you haven't tracked (although I'm guessing you do) there are cheap ovulation sticks or even the Clearblue Easy Fertility system that's a monitor and sticks that come 30 in a pack that you pee on to determine when to conceive. I use it for Natural Family Planning to tell me when not to have sex.

I want to send you hugs because this is stressful and I can only begin to think of how you feel. But PLEASE remember that your situation is your situation and someone else who gets pregnant is in THEIR situation. You are both allowed to feel the stress of your own unique situations because each of them has their own stress associated.

Thank you for the support.

It is hard for me to supportive of someone who I don't feel is supportive of me or my relationship. Every time we see her she seems to cause a fight between us. She has a very difficult personality to get along with which is why she doesn't have a lot of friends and most of my husband's friends and family can't stand her. She calls my husband constantly and he's told her before she needs to realize that in the evenings it is time for him to spend with me. At one point, she was calling to give him every detail of her sex life. I told him I wasn't comfortable with it and he told her she needed to learn boundaries, but she kept calling and discussing her sex life even though she knew I was uncomfortable with it. He finally had to put his foot down and basically tell her if she didn't stop their conversations would be. She was the groomswoman, but she made everything very difficult. She went shopping with my bridesmaids and I for dresses at my husband's insistence and she made the other girls miserable. She was downgrading them the entire time. She ended up leaving early and they were so happy once she was gone. Then she had the nerve to go to my husband and say that we were being the difficult ones. I told him how she acted and he literally had to threaten her that he would kick her out of the wedding if she couldn't be civil. At our rehearsal, she was making snide comments including about the fact that we wanted to try to conceive immediately after we got married. The morning of the wedding, she badmouthed me to my brother's wife and my husband's sister. During the ceremony, she was making faces which I'm sure she didn't think we would see, but we had a videographer and photographer who caught her expressions on camera/video. She even laughed and then tried to cover it up when the preached said that we specifically picked those who support us the most to stand up with us. Given her behavior of the past four and half years, my husband and I have been together she has caused a tough of issues between us including several fights that almost resulted in us breaking up. He is extremely defensive on her though.

My gyno was the one that diagnosed me with PCOS. At first, I had to take medicine once a month to induce my period, but for the past three months it has been coming on it's own. I have also been taking a medication similar to Clomid for the past three months as well. The gyno wants me to continue taking that for three more months to see if I get pregnant. If I don't then he is going to refer us to a fertility specialist.

Wow. You are really fixated on hating this woman. I know you are really hurting, but this is not a constructive way of dealing with your pain.

I'm glad you're joining online support groups, but really hope you get some one on one counselling.

Oh, I've never gotten along with her. His own friends and family feel she is toxic, but he refuses to see that.

Then she isn't the problem. I hate to break it to you but if everyone says this and your husband ignores them and you, the friend isn't the one that's the issue here.

Oh I agree with you 100%.

levioosa · July 2020

knottie22547a37bac55870 said:

banana468 said:

knottie22547a37bac55870 said:

MyNameIsNot said:

knottie22547a37bac55870 said:

banana468 said:

I am going to agree with others here.

I've been there when I felt like I did the things I was supposed to and then when I didn't get pregnant on "my" clock it felt like I was being wronged by the universe.

I had to remind myself that people are getting pregnant all over the place and it's highly unlikely that anyone is doing it as a specific disservice to me. Can you imagine? Bringing a whole person into the world just to spite someone who has nothing to do with the child?

I remember talking to my OB after I had my first and he said, "The best way to get pregnant is with red wine and soft music." And basically his approach was that taking baby making clinically is going to set yourself up for stress and it's going to then make you less likely to conceive. Also, consider that for the friend of your H's, she may need that shoulder because she's super stressed about what's about to happen because it wasn't in her plan. She's going through a major life issue and it's the opposite. And please support her because that's a big deal too.

If you have been diagnosed with the PCOS then hopefully you are seeing a great doctor who is helping you get hormones set. Look into chat boards of women who have had success after a PCOS diagnosis and see what may have worked for them. There may be hormone treatments that can work, Clomid or other options and if you haven't tracked (although I'm guessing you do) there are cheap ovulation sticks or even the Clearblue Easy Fertility system that's a monitor and sticks that come 30 in a pack that you pee on to determine when to conceive. I use it for Natural Family Planning to tell me when not to have sex.

I want to send you hugs because this is stressful and I can only begin to think of how you feel. But PLEASE remember that your situation is your situation and someone else who gets pregnant is in THEIR situation. You are both allowed to feel the stress of your own unique situations because each of them has their own stress associated.

Thank you for the support.

It is hard for me to supportive of someone who I don't feel is supportive of me or my relationship. Every time we see her she seems to cause a fight between us. She has a very difficult personality to get along with which is why she doesn't have a lot of friends and most of my husband's friends and family can't stand her. She calls my husband constantly and he's told her before she needs to realize that in the evenings it is time for him to spend with me. At one point, she was calling to give him every detail of her sex life. I told him I wasn't comfortable with it and he told her she needed to learn boundaries, but she kept calling and discussing her sex life even though she knew I was uncomfortable with it. He finally had to put his foot down and basically tell her if she didn't stop their conversations would be. She was the groomswoman, but she made everything very difficult. She went shopping with my bridesmaids and I for dresses at my husband's insistence and she made the other girls miserable. She was downgrading them the entire time. She ended up leaving early and they were so happy once she was gone. Then she had the nerve to go to my husband and say that we were being the difficult ones. I told him how she acted and he literally had to threaten her that he would kick her out of the wedding if she couldn't be civil. At our rehearsal, she was making snide comments including about the fact that we wanted to try to conceive immediately after we got married. The morning of the wedding, she badmouthed me to my brother's wife and my husband's sister. During the ceremony, she was making faces which I'm sure she didn't think we would see, but we had a videographer and photographer who caught her expressions on camera/video. She even laughed and then tried to cover it up when the preached said that we specifically picked those who support us the most to stand up with us. Given her behavior of the past four and half years, my husband and I have been together she has caused a tough of issues between us including several fights that almost resulted in us breaking up. He is extremely defensive on her though.

My gyno was the one that diagnosed me with PCOS. At first, I had to take medicine once a month to induce my period, but for the past three months it has been coming on it's own. I have also been taking a medication similar to Clomid for the past three months as well. The gyno wants me to continue taking that for three more months to see if I get pregnant. If I don't then he is going to refer us to a fertility specialist.

Wow. You are really fixated on hating this woman. I know you are really hurting, but this is not a constructive way of dealing with your pain.

I'm glad you're joining online support groups, but really hope you get some one on one counselling.

Oh, I've never gotten along with her. His own friends and family feel she is toxic, but he refuses to see that.

Then she isn't the problem. I hate to break it to you but if everyone says this and your husband ignores them and you, the friend isn't the one that's the issue here.

Oh I agree with you 100%.

You need to work on that with your H first before bringing a child into it.

Feelings for this woman aside, her own personal reproductive choices are none of your business and you don’t get to judge them. It’s okay to feel frustrated and upset when things aren’t happening the way you envisioned, but you’re focusing a lot of hate and anger here. You seem like you could use some counseling, both with your H and one on one.

banana468 · July 2020

levioosa said:

knottie22547a37bac55870 said:

banana468 said:

knottie22547a37bac55870 said:

MyNameIsNot said:

knottie22547a37bac55870 said:

banana468 said:

I am going to agree with others here.

I've been there when I felt like I did the things I was supposed to and then when I didn't get pregnant on "my" clock it felt like I was being wronged by the universe.

I had to remind myself that people are getting pregnant all over the place and it's highly unlikely that anyone is doing it as a specific disservice to me. Can you imagine? Bringing a whole person into the world just to spite someone who has nothing to do with the child?

I remember talking to my OB after I had my first and he said, "The best way to get pregnant is with red wine and soft music." And basically his approach was that taking baby making clinically is going to set yourself up for stress and it's going to then make you less likely to conceive. Also, consider that for the friend of your H's, she may need that shoulder because she's super stressed about what's about to happen because it wasn't in her plan. She's going through a major life issue and it's the opposite. And please support her because that's a big deal too.

If you have been diagnosed with the PCOS then hopefully you are seeing a great doctor who is helping you get hormones set. Look into chat boards of women who have had success after a PCOS diagnosis and see what may have worked for them. There may be hormone treatments that can work, Clomid or other options and if you haven't tracked (although I'm guessing you do) there are cheap ovulation sticks or even the Clearblue Easy Fertility system that's a monitor and sticks that come 30 in a pack that you pee on to determine when to conceive. I use it for Natural Family Planning to tell me when not to have sex.

I want to send you hugs because this is stressful and I can only begin to think of how you feel. But PLEASE remember that your situation is your situation and someone else who gets pregnant is in THEIR situation. You are both allowed to feel the stress of your own unique situations because each of them has their own stress associated.

Thank you for the support.

It is hard for me to supportive of someone who I don't feel is supportive of me or my relationship. Every time we see her she seems to cause a fight between us. She has a very difficult personality to get along with which is why she doesn't have a lot of friends and most of my husband's friends and family can't stand her. She calls my husband constantly and he's told her before she needs to realize that in the evenings it is time for him to spend with me. At one point, she was calling to give him every detail of her sex life. I told him I wasn't comfortable with it and he told her she needed to learn boundaries, but she kept calling and discussing her sex life even though she knew I was uncomfortable with it. He finally had to put his foot down and basically tell her if she didn't stop their conversations would be. She was the groomswoman, but she made everything very difficult. She went shopping with my bridesmaids and I for dresses at my husband's insistence and she made the other girls miserable. She was downgrading them the entire time. She ended up leaving early and they were so happy once she was gone. Then she had the nerve to go to my husband and say that we were being the difficult ones. I told him how she acted and he literally had to threaten her that he would kick her out of the wedding if she couldn't be civil. At our rehearsal, she was making snide comments including about the fact that we wanted to try to conceive immediately after we got married. The morning of the wedding, she badmouthed me to my brother's wife and my husband's sister. During the ceremony, she was making faces which I'm sure she didn't think we would see, but we had a videographer and photographer who caught her expressions on camera/video. She even laughed and then tried to cover it up when the preached said that we specifically picked those who support us the most to stand up with us. Given her behavior of the past four and half years, my husband and I have been together she has caused a tough of issues between us including several fights that almost resulted in us breaking up. He is extremely defensive on her though.

My gyno was the one that diagnosed me with PCOS. At first, I had to take medicine once a month to induce my period, but for the past three months it has been coming on it's own. I have also been taking a medication similar to Clomid for the past three months as well. The gyno wants me to continue taking that for three more months to see if I get pregnant. If I don't then he is going to refer us to a fertility specialist.

Wow. You are really fixated on hating this woman. I know you are really hurting, but this is not a constructive way of dealing with your pain.

I'm glad you're joining online support groups, but really hope you get some one on one counselling.

Oh, I've never gotten along with her. His own friends and family feel she is toxic, but he refuses to see that.

Then she isn't the problem. I hate to break it to you but if everyone says this and your husband ignores them and you, the friend isn't the one that's the issue here.

Oh I agree with you 100%.

You need to work on that with your H first before bringing a child into it.

Feelings for this woman aside, her own personal reproductive choices are none of your business and you don’t get to judge them. It’s okay to feel frustrated and upset when things aren’t happening the way you envisioned, but you’re focusing a lot of hate and anger here. You seem like you could use some counseling, both with your H and one on one.

All of that.

If you and your H are still having these issues a child isn't going to help them.

charlotte989875 · July 2020

I don’t think this actually has anything to do with babies and everything to do with that OP in general doesn’t like this woman, and the baby thing is the latest/most acute reason why.

OP- your husband has chosen to have this woman as a friend, and baring her doing anything super inappropriate and unforgivable, I think you need to work on accepting that. Struggling with not getting pregnant can amplify all of your existing feelings but you need to find a way to deal with them in a way that isn’t crying every time she calls. That’s not good for you and is only going to hurt you more in the long run.

knottie22547a37bac55870 · July 2020

charlotte989875 said:

I don’t think this actually has anything to do with babies and everything to do with that OP in general doesn’t like this woman, and the baby thing is the latest/most acute reason why.

OP- your husband has chosen to have this woman as a friend, and baring her doing anything super inappropriate and unforgivable, I think you need to work on accepting that. Struggling with not getting pregnant can amplify all of your existing feelings but you need to find a way to deal with them in a way that isn’t crying every time she calls. That’s not good for you and is only going to hurt you more in the long run.

He feels I'm jealous because she is a woman, but I disagree. He has another female friend who is so sweet and we get along really well so I disagree. I also have a close male friend so I have no problem with him having female friends. The one I don't like has done things I would personally never forgive her for if I were my husband, but he always makes excuses for her behavior. His friends have called him out for defending her behavior, but he continues to do so.

As for the baby issue, I have definitely been struggling with other women being pregnant when we have been unable to conceive. I have pretty much quit going on any form of social media because I break down into tears each time someone posts a pregnancy announcement. I have also broken down into tears every month my period has come so to have someone so close to us become pregnant and that is constantly calling that has made this more difficult.

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