Dear Prudence,
My husband and I have an open adoption with our 3-year-old son, “Josiah.” “Melody” was 18 when he was born, and we all committed to ensuring her presence in his life. We’ve had video chats twice a week, and physical visits once a month. But Melody’s life has become increasingly chaotic, and it’s spilling over into our lives, too. She dropped out, can’t seem to hold down a job, and keeps bringing new boyfriends on her visits, even though we asked her not to. She said it was just because she needed a ride from them, but my husband has offered to drive her. Melody’s also asked us for money—first $20 here or there, but then she called us one night crying because she was about to be evicted and her ex stole her money. We gave it to her but wanted her to file a police report. She didn’t and refused to talk about it again. She also refuses to explain why she moved out of her mother’s house or why she will not seek help from her relatives.
We want the best for Melody, but this is too much for our family. Coronavirus has stopped the physical visits and we have been whittling down the video chats. We don’t know what to do. Back when our son was an infant and Melody seemed to have her life on track, we imagined her being a part of our lives forever. Now we just don’t like this chaos affecting our son. We don’t know if it is drugs or mental illness or what. Melody never seems high when we speak to her, but she keeps making bad choices. What do we do?
—Entangled