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Wedding Woes

Classic Prudie: Secret sibling

My parents went on vacation and my father asked me to answer email from a client on his behalf, because he was cut off from the Internet. While searching for the relevant emails, I came across a couple of messages that had subject lines such as, “Hi Dad, I love you.” These were not from my siblings. I dug through his inbox and found several messages from what sounded like a teenage girl calling my father “Dad.” I also found a few angry emails from the same address that I’m assuming were from the girl’s mother. My parents have been married for almost 40 years, and I had always assumed they were happy. I don’t know whether to tell my siblings—we’re all adults—about this, confront my father, or reveal this to my mom. My mother is completely dependent on my father financially and emotionally. I am going to be married soon and this makes me lose all faith in marriage and relationships. My father was my hero both as a husband and father, and if he is this sleazy I am not sure how my fiance and I stand a chance. Do my siblings have a right to know what going on? What is the path of least harm?


Re: Classic Prudie: Secret sibling

  • I agree that the first person the LW needs to speak to is the father.  And, as upending and upsetting as this must be, I hope they don't blow up their engagement because of it.  I'd suggest they at least go to pre-marital counseling because that is a good idea anyway and perhaps some individual counseling.

    My "email" secret discovery, lol.  While not nearly this dramatic, I had a previous job where the big boss would occasionally have me either weed through his e-mails for him or search for things, if his own initial search didn't turn up what he was looking for.

    So I was doing that one day and came across a chain of e-mails between him and one of the other managers about firing one of my coworkers :open_mouth: .  My thoughts to myself, "Whoa!  I'm just going to pretend I didn't see that."
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Yep!  The first talk needs to be with the father as it was an innocent search for the specific email that opened up pandora's box, there's a time for "I didn't see that" and "Dad - let's go have a chat"...  FWIW the Mom might even know about the situation and never thought it necessary to bring the kids on to it (For example, open sperm donor situation..)..  NSJS - there could be legitimate circumstances involved but especially involving estate planning down the road, she'll thank herself later for having had "the talk" now (We're dealing with a business situation where partner died not married, no kids and SURPRISE!  He had a kid!  Would have been a lot easier situation had they been brought into the fold when the business partner was starting to decline on health than posthumously)...  

    And wholeheartedly agree short+sassy Premarital Counseling STAT!  
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