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Wedding planning help for dealing with fiancés broken family

Long story short- My fiancé's father and step mother have restraining orders against his mother. They have (nicely) made it clear that they would not attend if she is present and of course we don’t want to make them uncomfortable/want to celebrate with them/are financially helping with the wedding. I’m hoping/looking for any ideas for how to proceed with wedding planning without it being a huge extra deal. Elopement with one family and ceremony with the other was the one thought that I had had but I’m not hooked on it as of yet. HELP! 

Re: Wedding planning help for dealing with fiancés broken family

  • Long story short- My fiancé's father and step mother have restraining orders against his mother. They have (nicely) made it clear that they would not attend if she is present and of course we don’t want to make them uncomfortable/want to celebrate with them/are financially helping with the wedding. I’m hoping/looking for any ideas for how to proceed with wedding planning without it being a huge extra deal. Elopement with one family and ceremony with the other was the one thought that I had had but I’m not hooked on it as of yet. HELP! 

    SITB

    What does your fiance want to do? Unless you plan on getting divorced between ceremonies, only one group will actually see you get married. You say your FFIL and FMIL are contributing, is that money worth the strings they are putting on it?
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    This is not for you to decide. 

    Your FI has to make a choice. It sucks that he has to make it, but he's the only one who can. He is going to have to decide on one or the other. He's also going to have to tell the other what he's decided. 

    You can't have a fake do-over for the not invited parent (not one that would mean anything anyway). You can't split the ceremony or make it fair. You can't make it so he doesn't have to do this. He's just going to have to make a decision. 

    Your role is to support your FI, to be a sounding board for him, to allow him to express his feelings about being stuck in this situation. It is not your job to fix it for him, to make it go away, or to fight his battles. As someone who married into a messy family, I understand why you want to take this away from him, but you can't. 
    short+sassy
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