Wedding Woes

It sounds like it's no longer for sale and that's it.

Dear Prudence,

My grandmother once had a diamond necklace that was a family heirloom. My grandfather, who didn’t know how to keep things in his pants, ended up giving it to one of his mistresses. My grandmother mourned the loss of the necklace until the day she died. Recently, I happened to stumble across the necklace, or what I think is the necklace, on eBay. I questioned my grandfather and contacted the seller, and both parties think it’s possible this necklace belonged to my grandmother. I wanted it back, but when I tried to discuss it with the seller, she said she was selling it for a reason and that, if I really wanted it back, I would pay her either the asking price or more. I am not sure what to do next. She has thankfully taken it down, but I feel like I am being blackmailed. Any thoughts?

—Affair of the Necklace

Re: It sounds like it's no longer for sale and that's it.

  • What is complicated? If you want this necklace that has literally never belonged to you, you should have just bought it with cash money not started a whole drama. She’s now taken it down but you have contact info- reach out and offer to buy it or get over it. 
    short+sassyMissKittyDanger
  • Excuse me, but blackmailed?  Get a grip and stop being ridiculous!

    The necklace wasn't stolen.  It was given to someone else by the LW's grandfather.  That person, I presume, sold it to someone else.  Perhaps it has been bought and sold or given away a few times.  But it really doesn't matter.  That necklace is the Ebay seller's property.  They themselves probably paid money for it and they have every right to sell it.

    The only side-eye that I might give to the seller, is if they are trying to take advantage of the situation by offering it to the LW for MORE than it is worth.  But the LW said they offered it to them at what the original asking price was anyway, so that doesn't seem to be the case.
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  • cupcait927cupcait927 Western NY wine country member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Yeah, LW you aren't entitled to this necklace just because it belonged to your grandmother at some point. You need to pony up the cash if it's that important to you.
    short+sassy
  • The GALL of a person who was given something who now wants to sell it for real money and has the AUDACITY of taking down her public auction in case the family heirloom could travel back into your hands!

    Look, you had no claim to the necklace back when it was your grandmothers, your grandfather gave it away and now if you want it you need to buy it.  Any gripes you have should be with grandad and he wiener. 
    short+sassycharlotte989875cupcait927
  • banana468 said:
    The GALL of a person who was given something who now wants to sell it for real money and has the AUDACITY of taking down her public auction in case the family heirloom could travel back into your hands!

    Look, you had no claim to the necklace back when it was your grandmothers, your grandfather gave it away and now if you want it you need to buy it.  Any gripes you have should be with grandad and he wiener. 
    I totally agree with the sentiment!  But I don't think the seller is the person the grandfather gave the necklace to.  Because both the grandfather and the seller "think it's possible" this is the same necklace.  If it was the ex-g/f, they would know for sure it's the same necklace.

    I just realized something else.  I thought the grandfather had passed away by now also.  But apparently he didn't.  So even if the seller lost their mind and wanted to return it to the family for no money, it would be returned to the grandfather.  Who might give it to the next woman that catches his fancy.

    Yet another reason that if the LW wants this necklace for themselves, they need to buy it and pay a fair price so that it is truly theirs to keep and pass down to their children (or other family members).

    But that's the thing about family heirlooms.  The next generation might sell it anyway.  it certainly wasn't as important to grandpa as it was to the LW.
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    charlotte989875
  • Everyone here sucks. Except the grandmother. 
    cupcait927kerbohl
  • I have a fun family heirloom story.  Though "heirloom" might be a strong word, because I'm only the second generation to have this wedding set.

    When my H and I were talking about getting engaged, my mom offered us her wedding set from when she was married to my dad (not a divorce, he passed away).  H and I discussed and decided to take her up on it.

    On the day after our wedding, the whole family was enjoying a Mexican food brunch at my grandma's house.  My H says to me, "You know what would be great?  If you gave your wedding set to Niece or Nephew when one of them gets engaged."  Niece and Nephew were 2 and 5 at the time, so there is a long way to go.

    I replied with, "That is a great idea!  And 20 years would be just about the right amount of time for you to save and buy my new set with a HUGE diamond!"

    I actually don't care about a fancy wedding set or big diamond or anything like that and my H knows it.  But we were almost falling out of our chairs laughing at my jokingly "crass and rude" reply to his sweet sentiment.  
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    kerbohl
  • It's mildly possible that since the seller knows personal value is asking for that or higher and will not go under - could LW be taken advantage of? Yes, but because something was said.
    As others said, if LW had just bought it then they could have negotiated down.

    It's possible LW tried to compromise with the seller's nature and maybe been able to work a deal and that didn't work.
  • Do you even know what blackmail is? Because this isn't it.
    image
    short+sassy
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