Dear Prudence,
Eight years ago, I was trapped in an emotionally abusive relationship that got so bad I strongly considered suicide. I had a plan and took steps toward carrying it out. Luckily, I told my closest friend, who immediately took me to a therapist and got me help. I managed to get out of that relationship and move away for a fresh start. Now I have my dream job and a new partner, “Taylor,” who treats me wonderfully, and whom I hope to marry. I’ve told Taylor about my past depression but they don’t know about my suicidal crisis. I’m torn about whether to disclose. On the one hand, I’m miles away from that awful state, which was only brought on by that abusive relationship. I also know I can’t predict the future, and there might come a time when Taylor could need to know about my past to help ensure my safety.
On the other hand, I’ve disclosed my bout of suicidal ideation to two other people in the past eight years, and it permanently altered our relationship. Both ended up treating me with kid gloves, and I felt like they stopped seeing me as a strong, resilient person. I don’t want that to happen with Taylor. Taylor is very progressive and open-minded—but so were the other two. Should I reveal the extent of my past depression to Taylor? Or continue to lie by omission?
—Whose Business and When