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You wasted a lot of energy writing this letter.

Dear Prudence, 

I work for a large behavioral health organization in admissions. I coordinate scheduling with the staff at one of the clinics, including one person who later became front-office manager. She has a rude way of responding to group emails with questions that might be directed at me, but she never addresses me directly the way others do when they ask for my assistance or even uses my name. It’s very weird for me, and I have taken to ignoring her in response, although it’s confusing to understand if she is even doing this on purpose. I do not know her well, but what I do know of her is not great. She announced loudly and aggressively in a meeting that “they” (meaning their clinic and front office staff) do not need “INTAKE” (a reference to me, I believe). Is there a more effective way for me to address her rudeness? I have tried addressing her by her name, but she does not seem to notice or change this way of doing things (like responding in kind as a typical person might do). The majority of my other interactions with clinicians and other staff are more polite, so she is also bucking the norm and seems to ignore these examples of better behavior. I have not been direct with her, due to not even being sure what she is trying to do, and also because I expect a bad reaction and do not want to waste my energy on her.

—Email Etiquette

Re: You wasted a lot of energy writing this letter.

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    Omg this is exhausting 
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    There are so many words here and I still don’t know what the problem is. 

    When there is a specific problem directed at you, address it with your supervisor and problem manager. But also stop reading meaning into things that aren’t there. It sounds like she’s rude to everyone. 
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    Uhhhh, what? 

    Yeah, ignore stuff if you're not sure if it's directed at you. Or respond and say "are you asking me?" Or just grow up; I don't know. 
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    This occasionally happens to me at work though, not in a "I'm paranoid they are being passive aggressive to me because I think this question is for me but they didn't address me by name".

    I feel like that is pretty normal business correspondence.  If the LW knows the question is for them...or even if they are unsure, but know the answer anyway...then just "reply all" back and answer the question.

    If they aren't sure, they can either reply back just to the sender or ask whomever they think the best person is to handle the question to reply back.

    If they feel this is too much of a continuing problem, then say something to that person.  Something like, "Hi FOM, I notice you sometimes reply back to group e-mails with questions.  In the future, would you mind addressing those questions to a specific person on the e-mail?  I know there have been times where I think your questions are directed at me, but wasn't sure!  Thanks, that would help clear up potential confusion."
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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    Sigh.  To quote the great Dowager Countess "My poor niece will never uses one word when twenty will do".

    It sounds like you have a coworker who is just rude and annoying but not hindering your job all that much or making it impossible to work.  Welcome to life.   Just do what I do with my rude annoying coworker.  Stay professional, do your job, stay on the high road and let the asshat dig their own grave.  It's not ideal but that's life baby. 

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    We have a supervisor that's over another team that we forward work to or interact with occasionally.  This team is super whiny and precious sometimes.  Their supervisor sends e-mails out every month or so to the whole department that come across as passive-aggressive, especially towards my team. 

    I do what you're supposed to, bitch to my co-worker BFF that I'm annoyed and/or act all, "Who's doing this?! They should talk to them."  It's not that hard LW.

    Unless Betty is coming to you or mentioning you by name, keep on keepin' on.  Maybe you do need more work so you're not concerned about Betty's possibly subversive e-mails that may or may not be about you. 
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    We've all had coworkers who were annoying and/or rude. This woman is one of yours. Unless she is bullying you or interfering with your ability to do your job, then you need to calm down. Keep being polite and professional and stop taking it so personally.
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