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"It's a years long process"...Then bean dip

mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
edited September 2020 in Wedding Woes

Dear Prudence,

I’ve lived in the U.S. for 10 years on a visa. I recently got married, which is very exciting. I love my spouse, and I am glad that we are less likely to be separated now. However, a number of friends and even casual acquaintances find it appropriate to ask whether I’ve started “the paperwork,” how the paperwork is going, and so on, seemingly out of nowhere. These questions prompt my immigration-related anxiety, hard. It’s an incredibly stressful, humiliating, invasive, and drawn-out process, and I really don’t want to make small talk about it. How can I politely tell people to stop asking without necessarily disclosing that the very subject is traumatic and anxiety-inducing for me?

—Amateur Immigration Officials

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Re: "It's a years long process"...Then bean dip

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    charlotte989875charlotte989875 member
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    “We filed our marriage license right after the ceremony and couldn’t be happier to finally be married”. 

    Not their business and anyone who asks is nosy & inappropriate. 
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    MissKittyDangerMissKittyDanger member
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    Not that it's anyone's business about the paperwork but I'm curious why LW feels "humiliated" when people ask.

    But seriously, bean-dip.
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    mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
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    edited September 2020
    MissKittyDanger said:
    Not that it's anyone's business about the paperwork but I'm curious why LW feels "humiliated" when people ask.

    But seriously, bean-dip.
    From what I understand, you have to sit for several intense, invasive interviews about your life, family, relationships, etc. when going through the process. Plus all the paperwork. 

    This is anecdotal from a chick on my mom board who was here on a work visa and met her H.  She's from England. 
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    short+sassyshort+sassy member
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    Not that anyone deserves an answer, but it's probably easier to just have a dismissive remark at the ready like, "Oh, you know how it is with the government.  A very long process with lots of red tape.  Everything's fine, but I hate talking about it because it's excruciatingly boring (or 'such a hassle')."
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    MissKittyDangerMissKittyDanger member
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    @mrsconn23 oh that makes sense why they would call it that. I genuinely never knew process {Canada or U.S tbh}
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    short+sassyshort+sassy member
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    My cousin married a man from Spain and had the experience both ways!  They never mentioned the interview process.  But they just couldn't get over how DRASTICALLY different the process was between the two countries.

    After they got married, my cousin moved to Spain and they lived there first.  For my cousin to have authority to live and work in Spain, she had to provide the marriage certificate and her US criminal record.  She filled out a two page form and paid 30 Euros.  3 weeks later, she got her work authorization.

    About two years later, she was offered her dream job in FL.  So they moved to the US.  And the nightmare immigration process begins.  Nothing even went wrong!  It's just still a nightmare even when things go smoothly.  There are many complicated forms.  It's thousands of dollars in fees.  Most people hire legal help because it's so complicated, so that is thousands more.  Though fortunately my cousin, with help from her mom, were able to fill out all the forms correctly.

    Finally, about six MONTHS later, her H got his authorization to work in the US.  And six months is about the absolute fastest it can be and that's after someone has already been given the okay to live here with their spouse.
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    MesmrEweMesmrEwe member
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    And people wonder why we need to get the process reformed in this country... 
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    Jen4948Jen4948 member
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    "It's ongoing. Bean-dip?"
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