Wasn’t invited to brother in laws wedding my feelings are hurt

Re: Wasn’t invited to brother in laws wedding my feelings are hurt

• ILoveBeachMusic member

  

  October 2020

  You are entitled to your feelings. However, you were separated from you husband at the time. I can understand the family (and your husband) not wanting you there. I probably would have done the same thing. I'm glad for you that y'all worked things out. You need  to let this go, though. If you don't, it could cause friction between you and the family.

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• charlotte989875 member

  

  October 2020

  kc09262009 said:

  My husband and I have been married for 10 years.  We were living apart but still together during the time his brother got married.  My husband was invited to the wedding and I was not.  He went to the wedding and the after wedding celebration and stayed several days.  I was hurt that I did not get invited and asked my husband why.  He said his parents knew we were having problems and didn’t want me there.  Fast forward a year and a half and we’re living together again and have a new baby, During family get togethers at his parents house they are always talking about the wedding looking at pictures, etc and it still hurts my feelings. My husband told me recently that he didn’t want me to come but my in laws said it wasn’t a good idea either but I’m not sure that I believe that. I was looking so forward to the wedding and going to Boston as I’ve never been. Would you all be hurt by not getting an invite? I thought it would be proper etiquette to invite everyone in a family unit. 

  I’m sorry you two went through a tough time and glad you’re working things out!
  
  I get why you’re hurt but if you were separated I understand why they wouldn’t have invited you. People tend to talk about the last “big” event they experience as a group so I can see why they’re still talking about the wedding, but they’re not doing it to hurt you.
  
  

  I think you’ve told your husband it hurts your feelings & hopefully the wedding y’all will die down soon, but I think you need to work on letting this go. It’s fine to be disappointed but holding on to it is only going to cause more problems, and it’s not like you can change it now. 

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• downtondiva member

  

  October 2020

  If you had been living apart because of some practical issue (such as moving for a new job, taking care of a sick relative, etc.), then I'd say your in-laws were wrong to exclude you. However, it's clear from your post that you and your husband were separated at the time because you were having problems. While I'm glad to hear that you and your husband are back together now, I think it's reasonable to say you were not really a "family unit" at the time of your brother-in-law's wedding. In their eyes, you and your husband had split up, and they couldn't know for sure whether you'd end up back together or not. I'm sorry you feel bad, but your husband's family didn't do anything wrong. You need to work toward letting this go.

  
  

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• climbingsingle member

  

  October 2020

  I'm separated from my husband, and I definitely would not expect to invited to any of his family functions. 

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• banana468 member

  

  October 2020

  It sounds like you and your H were separated at the time and your H communicated to his family that you were having marital issues and were separated at the time.   Because of that, not only were you not invited but your H actually expressed that he felt it was a smart decision that you were not invited and he actively went without you and attended for a few days.
  
  I can imagine the sting that happens when your relationship is on the rocks.   At this point, you and your H need to focus on your marriage.   If this is something that continues to bother you then you need to talk with him about how he felt at the time and how he feels now.  
  
  Should your in laws continue to bring up that wedding (I am highly suspect that this one event is what occupies current conversation in light of all the things that are now changing this year) then all you can do is smile.  If you honestly think that they're trying to rub salt in the wound then ask your H what he thinks.   And if he honestly thinks that this event keeps coming up to not discuss the happy couple but to remind you of something you didn't attend don't you think it also hurts HIS feelings if you were separated at the time and now are together?  
  
  
  

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• MyNameIsNot member

  

  October 2020

  I don't fault your BIL for not inviting you while you were separated. You weren't a social unit while you were split up, and no one knew whether you'd get back together or not. You weren't owed an invitation, and quite frankly, it would be awkward to invite an estranged partner to a family event. 
  
  I do think you need to have more conversation with your husband. At the beginning, you say he said you weren't invited because his parents thought it was a bad idea. You say now he says that it was his decision, but you aren't sure if you believe it. That part is troubling. Why do you think he'd lie to you?  

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• MesmrEwe member

  

  October 2020

  When things have settled from covid - plan a trip to the Boston area...  FOMO - you missed out on the trip, so plan a trip there.  Go see the area, go to Thoreau's Walden Pond (good place to take the little along), go to some of the other historical locations...  You can't undo that you weren't invited to the wedding, but you can undo missing out on the trip.  Your feelings are your feelings.  Recognize that you learned a lot since then, you built things differently in your relationship with YH, and recognize it was a different point in your life, and that's o.k.!  

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• Jen4948 member

  

  October 2020

  Since you and your husband were separated when your BIL's wedding took place, it makes sense to me that he and his family did not see you as a "couple" and therefore didn't invite you to the wedding. 
  
  I would therefore work to make sure that going forward, your husband and his family understand that you have since reunited and must be treated as a social unit for future family functions. 
  
  But it sounds to me that your disappointment stems more from missing out on a trip to Boston than from not being invited to the wedding. You can plan a trip to Boston for when it is possible to travel again safely. 
  

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