Young kids and eating meat (Care and Feeding advice column letter)

short+sassy · October 2020

I often spend my lunch hours reading the Care and Feeding advice column on Slate. This letter caught my eye because, not being a parent myself, it never occurred to me that some children can have issues once they realize that some foods come from animals. I'm curious to hear any of your all's stories or what you think. Here's the letter:

Our sweet, funny, VERY sensitive just-turned 4-year-old daughter loves animals—and is right on the verge of figuring out where the meat we eat comes from. To be clear, we have never deliberately hidden this from her, but she has never expressly asked about it, and there’s no good way to randomly segue into “By the way, your dinner used to be alive.” She avoids eating chicken and turkey, and we’ve realized this might be because they’re called “chicken” and “turkey.” She does eat (with great joy) meats that don’t have the same name as their source animals, such as bacon, steak, and pot roast, but it’s clear from her comments that she doesn’t have a lock on what they’re made of. (“Dad, wouldn’t it be funny if bacon came from a pig like the ones that oink?!”)

At some point soon, the jig will surely be up, and it is not unlikely there will be a lot of tears, some deep existential horror, and feelings of betrayal directed at us. If that’s the case, she’s also going to feel sad and mad about her conflicting feelings about whether to eat some of her favorite foods or not. How can we address this honestly while minimizing her distress? It seems like we should be preemptive about it, but how do we bring it up? For the record, we will tell her about vegetarianism and would be happy to stop feeding her meat if she asked (while ensuring that she gets enough protein and other nutrients, of course). We also do make an effort to purchase cruelty-free meat whenever possible, but I’m not sure that “Hey, the pig had a pretty nice life until someone killed it so we could have it for breakfast” is going to impress her.

(Edited to add a paragraph break)

STARMOON44 · October 2020

Well for starters, when she brings up the issue stop lying to her!

mrsconn23 · October 2020

What @STARMOON44 said.

Also, I think 4 is not too young to start getting her involved in the kitchen (with safety measures), planning a dish or two, and even going shopping and picking out foods. I'd probably do my research on protein alternatives if it's too bothersome to her to eat animal products if she knows the truth.

kvruns · October 2020

I didn't eat meat on a bone (ie fried chicken) once I learned where it came from for a looong time. I can't say I was a big fan anyway but I remember being at a family reunion (late elementary school age I think) and they had chickens. They also served fried chick at the meal and I was able to put 2 and 2 together. It weirded me out so I didn't eat anything on a bone for a long time. I will occasionally now but I prefer to debone or just have boneless.

For me it wasn't any sort of "I love animals" type of thing I just felt odd and generally don't care to think about where my food came from before I eat it. The less it looks like its alive self the better.

short+sassy · October 2020

I don't remember a time when I didn't know meat came from animals. It did not bother me as a child (or adult).

I do remember a little bit of one conversation when I was in first or second grade. I didn't really like hamburgers as a child because they felt too "messy" to me (I was very fussy like that). There was a Carl's Jr. near our house and I liked them because they had hot dogs also (not anymore).

It occurred to me as I was munching my Carl's Jr. hot dog, that I didn't know what animal they came from, so I asked my dad. He told me they usually come from pigs. Okay.

My other fast food life changing day as a child is when McD first introduced chicken nuggets. 1980. I was 6. No more being forced to eat a bite of hamburger in exchange for their delicious fries! I didn't have a McD hamburger again until I was in high school, lol.

MyNameIsNot · October 2020

When my nephew was maybe 3-4, I was playing with him and he was telling me a story. He said something about a chicken and quickly said "the kind you eat, not the kind with feathers." I didn't have the heart to tell him that they were all the kind with feathers.

Growing up, our big annual family reunion was a pig roast. I figured out pork pretty quickly.

GBCK · October 2020

we were pretty damn blunt pretty young.
And you know? like a lot of things, if you're matter of fact about things, kids are matter of fact back. About just about everything.

Among other things, I've made animal habitats with kids and talked about what they need in their habitats...and asked what the lions will eat. And they put it together.
(Actually, just watch the lion king...)

ei34 · October 2020

One of my kids at about 5 flat out asked if the chicken we see on farms is like chicken we eat. I said yes. And then volunteered the same was true for pigs and cows. They all seemed (strangely) okay, and eat the meat I serve. FWIW we eat meat 1-2x a week.

I wasn’t a big meat eater as a kid, or even now really. It’s a texture thing.

maine7mob · October 2020

This situation is literally the reason why most meats have a different name from the animal they came from. Plenty of people just don't like to think about this.

My oldest flipped out when she realized the delicious shepherd's pie she was eating came from a fuzzy lamb. We just explained vegetarianism to her and offered that as an option. (I had once been a vegetarian, so didn't think it was a big deal to adjust my cooking to ensure that she got adequate nutrients even if she passed on the meat.)

She lasted about a week, and then a neighbor offered her a burger. This doesn't need to be a big drama.

short+sassy · October 2020

ei34 said:

One of my kids at about 5 flat out asked if the chicken we see on farms is like chicken we eat. I said yes. And then volunteered the same was true for pigs and cows. They all seemed (strangely) okay, and eat the meat I serve. FWIW we eat meat 1-2x a week.

I wasn’t a big meat eater as a kid, or even now really. It’s a texture thing.

The advice columnist's answer talked about when her daughter was about 4, she said something to her dad like, "Isn't that funny there is a food and an animal called chicken?" He explained why that is and went on to talk about the other foods they eat and what animals they came from.

But her dad joked and teased with her a lot and she didn't believe him. So then mom had to get in on the conversation and verify that daddy wasn't teasing and what he said was true. She was horrified and didn't want to eat meat for a little while, but went back to it fairly quickly. However, she was suspicious for a long time and, as she was introduced to new foods, would ask if it had been an animal.

Young kids and eating meat (Care and Feeding advice column letter)

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