Wedding Woes

Feeling the pandemic pain in a new place.

Dear Prudence,

I moved away from my “hometown” two years ago. I moved around nearly every year as a child then stayed in my college town for six more years after graduation and really saw it as home. I left behind huge circles of friends because my partner got a job across the country. For the first year, the move was exciting. We slowly started to meet new people, find local must-see experiences, and generally settle in. Then the pandemic hit. Many of those new friendships fizzled because there’s only so much you can do on Zoom, and people here are still very locked down. My partner and I work all day in our small studio apartment and go on weekend hikes, but the monotony is getting to both of us. Every time I Zoom with my friends from my old town, I’m reminded of how loved I felt in that community and how much I miss it. I don’t want to be this unhappy anymore. My partner will not be able to get a job in our old town, and I don’t want to break up with her. I feel lonely and hopeless. What should I do?

—Cabin Fever

Re: Feeling the pandemic pain in a new place.

  • I agree with not making big decisions in pandemic times.

    It sounds like the LW was relatively happy before the pandemic.  But if they are still having these strong feelings when it's over, it's definitely something to think about and discuss.

    I personally couldn't imagine breaking up/divorcing my SO over a question of location. But, while I have location preferences, I think I can be happy pretty much anywhere as long as my H is with me.  But those are my choices/thoughts and people are different with different priorities/POVs.  I also don't see anything wrong with location being a dealbreaker, if they are miserable in the only place their SO can be.

    Can I guess they are in NYC or SF, lol?  "Still very locked down" and two people working f/t, yet living in a small studio apartment, are my clues, lol.

    A small studio apartment definitely is not helping.  I could see that starting to feel like a semi-prison cell, without the ability to go out and about. 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • I'd be in the Netherlands if it weren't for my partner.  If you are just comparing places, I was definitely happier there.  But hubby wouldn't have been able to work there, so I'm in Canada, because when you add him to the equation the Netherlands didn't add up.  Person won out over place.  LW just needs to think about what's more important.  And LW should talk to their partner!  Maybe their partner is miserable to and is thinking about moving too.  But, maybe, just maybe wait until after the pandemic.  

  • kerbohl said:
    I'd be in the Netherlands if it weren't for my partner.  If you are just comparing places, I was definitely happier there.  But hubby wouldn't have been able to work there, so I'm in Canada, because when you add him to the equation the Netherlands didn't add up.  Person won out over place.  LW just needs to think about what's more important.  And LW should talk to their partner!  Maybe their partner is miserable to and is thinking about moving too.  But, maybe, just maybe wait until after the pandemic.  
    I agree with this so much. 

    If it weren’t for H I’d probably be back in the wider NYC area where most of my close friend from college are. But H hates cities. He’s visited with me once in the 9 years we’ve been together. He would hate it. He’s live in a forest away from all people.  So we compromised; we’re back in Buffalo in a village where I can walk to shops, restaurants, places but we have 1.5 acres and we’re only 2 hours from his hunting camp. And in non-covid times I visit the city every 6-12 months or so. 

    I could never pick a place over him- but we do make it work so that I can still see friends & have more of an active community. 
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