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More than 4 men

short+sassyshort+sassy member
First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
in Wedding Woes

Dear Prudence,

I met this guy, but I didn’t know he was my friend’s ex-partner. They broke up a few months ago after he found out that she was cheating on him for many years. I met him through another friend that we went to dinner with. He told my friend that he likes me and would like to start a relationship with me. I like him as a friend. He’s a good person, a hard worker, very responsible, but if I decide to start something with him, I don’t know how his ex will react. I told him he needs to give himself some time before starting to date again. What do you think?

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Re: More than 4 men

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    STARMOON44STARMOON44 member
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    I don’t think you should be friends with someone who cheated on their partner for many years so date him if you want and cut ties with her. 
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    MissKittyDangerMissKittyDanger member
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    I genuinely don't know how they didn't meet this person ...
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    short+sassyshort+sassy member
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    It doesn't sound like you are that interested in this guy.  But I personally wouldn't care about the friend's feelings.  She loses her right to that when she lied to and cheated on her b/f for years.  However, what's with the "I told him he needs to give himself some time before starting to date again"?  Not your business and really judgmental.  Hopefully he immediately lost interest in you, the moment you had the audacity to tell him how he is feeling and what he should do.
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    downtondivadowntondiva member
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    edited November 2020
    How close are you with this friend that you NEVER met their partner in all that time? 

    Anyway, you say you like him as a friend but don't really express much interest in dating him, so I'm a little confused as to what you're even asking. 

    ETA: realized I misread something in the letter
    image
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    MissKittyDangerMissKittyDanger member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Okay to be clear I think I never met my bff's one other boyfriend, but I saw photos.
    He was an introvert and suspected some mental health issues, so he never went out {they met through college}
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    short+sassyshort+sassy member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Some of you are making the same misunderstanding I did, at first.  It isn't the "potential new guy" who cheated.  It was the LW's friend who cheated on him.
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    banana468banana468 member
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    I'm not seeing the issue if she's dating a guy who was cheated on by her friend.   The reality is that she may want to distance herself from the friend if this habitual behavior on her part.  
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    charlotte989875charlotte989875 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Do you care if friend cares? If not then go for it. If you do, then don’t. 

    But the line of he needs more time before he dates again is condescending; you don’t get to decide this for other people. 
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    CharmedPamCharmedPam member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    I’m caught up on the “i told him he needs more time”. line too.  Ummm no you don’t need to tell him that.  He can think for himself. 

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    short+sassyshort+sassy member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    CharmedPam said:
    I’m caught up on the “i told him he needs more time”. line too.  Ummm no you don’t need to tell him that.  He can think for himself. 
    Right!?!  There is so much about this LW that is "off".

    Reading between the lines, this is what a boils down to.  They met a guy through a mutual friend at dinner.  Turns out, this guy recently dated their friend.  But not a good enough friend that the LW had ever met him before.

    The guy asked the LW out.  I'm picturing all of this being very casual up to this point, ie guy meets someone he might be interested in and asks them out.

    Instead of the LW being a normal person who just says, "Thanks, but I'm not interested."  They judgmentally tell the guy it's too soon for him to be dating.  So much WTH on that.

    And AND...then writes a letter to Prudie about the situation.  WHAT?  Why?  It's like they are trying to turn a minor event into their own personal soap opera. 
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