I have a loving partner of three years who recently bought a house. A few months after he moved in, a friend of his, “Rebecca,” asked him if she could crash in his spare bedroom while she house-hunted for her own place. While I’m not one to tell my partner what he can or cannot do, there are a few things about this arrangement that give me pause. About two years ago, our relationship was in a rocky place, and my partner told me that Rebecca expressed feelings for him. He said he’d turned her down and affirmed his commitment to our partnership. The other thing that bothers me is that Rebecca’s budget and expectations for the house she’s looking for are completely out of touch with the city we live in. The house she wants does not exist, and there is no timeline that I’m aware of, so it feels like she will be staying in his house indefinitely.
I have tried to be friendly with Rebecca and make small talk, but it has been three months since she moved in, and I’m deeply resentful of her, this situation, and truthfully my partner for allowing this situation to continue for so long. He thinks that I am trying to tell him what to do, or even being childish, but for me this represents a major breach. I feel like he’s not taking my feelings into account. He tells me that all there is to be done here is my “getting over it.” His living arrangement has altered the way and the frequency with which we spend time together, which is especially upsetting during a pandemic where we are each other’s primary source of social contact. I really wish I could just “get over it,” but I find myself growing more bitter, and it scares me. My hope is that this feeling will disappear once Rebecca moves out. How do I find a way to make peace with my partner and this situation in which we see things so differently, in the meantime?