Moms and Maids

Asking SIL to be bridesmaid, but not sister

To preface, I would personally like to not have a wedding party. I know anyone I ask to be in the wedding party will help me regardless with the wedding if they are a bridesmaid or not. This is my second wedding and these things don't seem that important to me. However, it is my fiance's first wedding, and he has his groomsmen already lined up (4 total).

So I have 3 close friends that I plan to ask to be bridesmaids. I am also particularly close to my older brother's wife, but not very close to my younger brother's wife or my actual sister. The one I'm close to lives out of state, and the other two live in state. My fiance has really pushed me to ask my SIL out of state to be in the wedding party. However, I'm worried about hurting feelings from my sister and other SIL when they see that I picked our SIL form out of state.

My solution is to just ask my 3 friends, and not stress about the fact that the wedding party is uneven, I know that's not uncommon. But my fiance has even said he will ask my SIL himself because he know's I'm close to her. Thoughts?

Re: Asking SIL to be bridesmaid, but not sister

  • To preface, I would personally like to not have a wedding party. I know anyone I ask to be in the wedding party will help me regardless with the wedding if they are a bridesmaid or not. This is my second wedding and these things don't seem that important to me. However, it is my fiance's first wedding, and he has his groomsmen already lined up (4 total).

    So I have 3 close friends that I plan to ask to be bridesmaids. I am also particularly close to my older brother's wife, but not very close to my younger brother's wife or my actual sister. The one I'm close to lives out of state, and the other two live in state. My fiance has really pushed me to ask my SIL out of state to be in the wedding party. However, I'm worried about hurting feelings from my sister and other SIL when they see that I picked our SIL form out of state.

    My solution is to just ask my 3 friends, and not stress about the fact that the wedding party is uneven, I know that's not uncommon. But my fiance has even said he will ask my SIL himself because he know's I'm close to her. Thoughts?
    You should tell your FI to back off. The better solution for if he wants a WP and you don't is for him to have however many he wants, and you to have none. WP is not about having anyone help with the wedding, it's about honoring relationships. 

    Nonetheless, your side is your decision, period. You can ask or not ask whomever you want for whatever reason, and not asking one SIL to avoid conflict is a good reason. He needs to sit down and accept that you'll have just your three friends and deal with it. This is really not his place to run over you and ask someone on your behalf.
    banana468short+sassyMairePoppyei34
  • To preface, I would personally like to not have a wedding party. I know anyone I ask to be in the wedding party will help me regardless with the wedding if they are a bridesmaid or not. This is my second wedding and these things don't seem that important to me. However, it is my fiance's first wedding, and he has his groomsmen already lined up (4 total).

    So I have 3 close friends that I plan to ask to be bridesmaids. I am also particularly close to my older brother's wife, but not very close to my younger brother's wife or my actual sister. The one I'm close to lives out of state, and the other two live in state. My fiance has really pushed me to ask my SIL out of state to be in the wedding party. However, I'm worried about hurting feelings from my sister and other SIL when they see that I picked our SIL form out of state.

    My solution is to just ask my 3 friends, and not stress about the fact that the wedding party is uneven, I know that's not uncommon. But my fiance has even said he will ask my SIL himself because he know's I'm close to her. Thoughts?
    If you would really prefer not to have a wedding party of your own, you are entitled not to have one, regardless of what your fiance wants. He can ask your SIL to stand up with him if he wants, but he needs to stop pushing you to include your SIL if you don't want to include her. He is not entitled to any input into who you choose, just as you are not entitled to any input into who he chooses. I would let him know, gently: "John, I realize that this matters to you, but I've made my final decision and I'm not open to discussing it. Please consider it a closed subject."
    MyNameIsNotshort+sassy
  • Your FI should not be making decisions for you in regards to the WP. You both ask the people you're closest to, and if he wants her in the WP, she can stand on his side. 
  • edited November 2020
    Sorry everyone, I think my post was taken out of context and the point missed. FH is not threatening anything. He knows that the only reason I'm not asking my SIL is because of possibly offending my other SIL and sister. He wouldn't actually ask her. The question is: is it weird to ask my SIL but not my sister and other SIL?
  • No. Ask the people that are closest to you/people you consider your very best friends. I was a bridesmaid for my SIL (she married my brother), and her brother was not in the wedding party. 
    knottie0941ca3e967aa641short+sassyei34
  • Sorry everyone, I think my post was taken out of context and the point missed. FH is not threatening anything. He knows that the only reason I'm not asking my SIL is because of possibly offending my other SIL and sister. He wouldn't actually ask her. The question is: is it weird to ask my SIL but not my sister and other SIL?
    It's not necessarily weird.  But would it potentially hurt the feelings of your other SIL and your sister?  Normally I'd say ask whomever you feel closest to.  However, if it were me, I'd take that into consideration and possibly not ask the one SIL if I knew it would be hurtful to the other two people.

    But your sister and the other SIL might not be expecting to be asked anyway and it would be NBD.  FWIW, my own sister didn't ask me to be in her WP and that was fine.  There's no bad blood between us, but we aren't that close either so I wasn't surprised.
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    MairePoppycharlotte989875
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