Dear Prudence,
Five years ago, my husband lost his first wife (he married very young). She was a great collector—think collective plates and figurines, lots of pictures that never went up on the walls, etc. The family couldn’t deal with going through any of it, so it all went into boxes that have taken over half of the garage and guest room. My husband and I have been married for two years. I haven’t pressed about the mess because his twin daughters were still grieving and would refuse to discuss it. I have tried to get them into grief counseling, but it was pointless.
Now I am pregnant. My stepdaughters live at home in separate rooms while they finish their last year of college. We need the guest room cleaned out and turned into a nursery. I want to bite the bullet now, rather in several months when I have a newborn. My husband agrees and told the girls they need to set aside a day to go through the boxes in the bedroom. My stepdaughter “Sylvia” went into hysterics—we can’t throw away their mother’s things, I am a horrible person, and her father never loved their mother or them. My husband and I expected reluctance, not this. Even her sister was horrified by Sylvia’s outburst. It has not gotten any better. Sylvia refuses to speak to her father or me and will leave the room if we try. She will put her hands over her ears and scream I can’t hear you. It is ridiculous. I lost my own father last year. It still hurts, but you have to move forward. My husband has suggested the twins share a room. We can’t afford to pay for an apartment for them. All this is causing me enough stress that my doctor is concerned. Help!
—A Room With a View to the Past