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You have a moochy friend problem, not a gf problem.

mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
in Wedding Woes

Dear Prudence,

My girlfriend is the chef and owner of a local restaurant that’s recently become extremely popular. We’d been friends for a few years before we started dating months ago. She’s been named best chef in both the city and state, her restaurant has won awards, and she gets regular requests to compete on cooking shows. We’ve been keeping the relationship pretty quiet, and due to COVID, we don’t go out much. But we are getting more serious, and I’m not sure how to deal with her current fame. Everybody in our city knows who she is. I know that once I tell people that we’re dating, they are going to ask if I can get them free food. I still pay when I go to her restaurant, but that is really my choice. I’m also uncomfortable with publicity, so I don’t really know what to do if a magazine or TV show wants to do a joint interview or how to handle the big award events she gets invited to, once those start up again. What’s the best way to talk to other people about their requests, and what’s the best way for me to talk to her about handling her fame?

—Local Spotlight

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Re: You have a moochy friend problem, not a gf problem.

  • CharmedPamCharmedPam member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    I’m sorry, what’s the problem here?

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  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 25000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    The best way is to talk to her.  You're  close enough to call it serious so ask her both things.

    Based on her input for how to handle the requests, that tells you what she thinks of how to handle people asking for a table.  


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  • downtondivadowntondiva member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2020
    If friends ask for free food, just tell them no. If they won't let it go, reduce contact with them. They should only get free food from your girlfriend if she offers it. 

    As for the publicity stuff, I think you're getting a bit ahead of yourself, but it's still worth discussing your concerns with your girlfriend. Tell her that while you're thrilled that she's doing so well, you're not sure how comfortable you are being in the spotlight yourself, and ask her how much she expects you to be involved in her career and any interviews or public events she may be invited to do. She may want you to be very involved, and you'll need to decide for yourself if you're okay with that. Or she may tell you that just because she's a public figure doesn't mean you have to be and that it's all up to you how much you participate. To be honest, unless you have a high-profile career yourself, I'm not sure joint interviews are going to be expected.
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  • charlotte989875charlotte989875 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Her celebrity isn’t about you, bro. And if they haven’t asked for a joint interview (even if you’re not public) they likely won’t. 

    Also stand up to your friends if they’re rude enough to ask for free food. 
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  • short+sassyshort+sassy member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    VarunaTT said:
    I dislike that I'm having this knee jerk reaction, but this is coming across as a mansplaining woe-is-me and I don't like it.

    Giving the benefit of a doubt, @short+sassy's answer is the best. 

    IDK why you can't just talk to this person you're so serious about.
    It just hit me the other thing bothering me about this letter.

    Worrying about things that strike me as minor and petty, instead of being immensely JOYFUL and RELIEVED that his "friend for many years and now g/f heading to serious" is going gangbusters during the worst time for the restaurant industry since maybe the Depression.  It is a dark and tragic, major sector of our economy that the bottom has fallen out of.

    Restaurants and bars are going out of business all over the place.  Some of them also "wildly popular and successful" and have been around for decades, but can't keep the doors open with only take-out and limited capacity seating.

    The LW deserves to have their feelings.  I'm not saying that.  But having more perspective could help put those feelings in check.
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  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I love that this douche assumes she'd even WANT to do a joint interview with him. It's her success, not yours! What a tool. 
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