Dear Prudence,
I am a 22-year-old autistic woman who recently got a service dog. I didn’t get my diagnosis until I was 19. She is task-trained to provide medication reminders at specific times. She also provides a great deal of emotional support when I’m dealing with depression and social anxiety, although I know that particular benefit is not considered a task by the ADA. Sometimes, we face pushback in public places, because my disability is invisible. But in those situations, I am able to advocate for myself. However, my current problem stems from a situation where my dog is not guaranteed access by law. I was invited to a small, socially distanced gathering at some friends’ home back in October. As usual, I planned to have my service dog with me, since she goes with me everywhere. But on the day of the event, one of the hosts reached out to me (in a group message with the other three hosts) to inform me that they had decided that my service dog would have to stay at home. They said it was for the “safety and comfort” of everyone involved.
It became a long argument between myself and the three siblings who hosted this gathering. Their reasoning was that my dog might rile up their own dog (the two are siblings and enjoy opportunities to play together). I offered to keep my dog leashed throughout the entire event or to bring her kennel and leave her in a back room. I was told that neither of these were an option and that I needed to “get over it” if I was sometimes told that my service dog wasn’t welcome in a private home. After all, I’m “fine without her for a couple of hours.”
By law, I know my animal has no protection in a private space, but am I right to think that their attitude and ultimatum were both extraordinarily rude? When I tried to explain how refusing to allow my trained, hypoallergenic service dog lies somewhere between unkindness and discrimination, these friends insisted that I was simply being dramatic and that a service dog is not equivalent to medically necessary equipment like insulin or a wheelchair or glasses. I don’t know how my friendship with this family can proceed if they really believe that there are certain situations when it’s totally fine to demand my service animal stay at home, without a compelling reason. Is there a way to salvage this?
—Still Stung