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Wedding Woes

Classic Prudie: "Are you Mark or are you Matt?"

I’ve been dating my boyfriend, “Mark,” for a few months now, but we’ve been casual friends for more than five years. He is overall a kindhearted person, a hard worker and provider, a fantastic father (to his daughter from a previous relationship), and a supportive and passionate partner. I feel very strongly that he could be “the one.” After he disclosed some not-so-great things about his past to me, none of which is an issue for me, I went snooping online (to see if there was anything he wasn’t telling me) and found public records that generally corroborated what he told me. I also found a request for a restraining order against him for domestic violence around the time he split with his child’s mom before we met. I didn’t know about this, but it doesn’t surprise me given what I know about her. However, I also found a potential other name for him on one of those background check sites. The first name is very close to his current name (think Mark vs. Matt), and the last name is his mother’s maiden name. She raised Mark as a single mom, and he didn’t know his dad until he was older. This discovery could be harmless, such as he changed his name when he finally got to know his dad, or something more serious, such as he has a really bad past he wants to escape. What do I do with this information? Do I bring it up and ask? Do I let it go and see if he brings it up?


Re: Classic Prudie: "Are you Mark or are you Matt?"

  • That there’s a restraining order in place for domestic violence should be all you need to know about him, regardless of what he calls himself. 
  • Tbh there’s so many red flags here I don’t know which one to pick. 


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  • mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2020
    That there’s a restraining order in place for domestic violence should be all you need to know about him, regardless of what he calls himself. 
    It sounds like it has expired/been dropped.  I don't love that LW is brushing it aside as somehow the mom's fault or she shares some blame.  

    However, I have a hard time writing anyone off for their past if they have actively improved themselves.  I'm not saying that's happened here.  LW definitely seems conflicted, but they were friends with him before dating and it sounds like they're trying to reconcile who Mark/Matt is now and the story he's told them vs. what LW has dug up online.  

    I think LW should tread lightly and be up front with Matt/Mark about what they've found online.  I think his reaction will be telling and/or assist LW in deciding what they should do next.  
  • I don't know that the restraining order request is necessarily a red flag since there's always that slight chance that someone BSC can request one.   

    BUT there are too many other red flags here IMO that make that request stand out among too many others to ignore it. 
  • Red flags. Red flags everywhere.
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  • So he disclosed some things. But not a restraining order?!? Nope nope nope outa there
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