Can I invite my dad's ex gf who he was with since almost my entire life?

Re: Can I invite my dad's ex gf who he was with since almost my entire life?

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  MyNameIsNot member

  

  December 2020

  knottied4efba296cd24fea said:

  My parents got divorced when I was 9 years old and my dad started dating someone when I was 11. They  were together for 15 years, and broke up almost 3 years ago, but it is still an extremely sensitive subject. We were/are super close. My dad did not want me to invite her to my engagement party, (1.5 years ago), which she understood since it was still fresh and a smaller party, when I talked to her about it. I am now uneasy about what to do for my wedding. It is destination, so she could always use that excuse and she'd only know my family. But if I do invite her, I don't want my dad to be stressed the entire time since it is a special day for him too.

  Unfortunately, this really isn't something anyone else can answer for you. In a perfect world, she and your dad would be mature and adult enough to respect that you're inviting her because of your relationship with her, regardless of how they feel about each other. But we all know it's not a perfect world. Would your dad be hurt and distracted by her presence? Would other family? Would they make a scene? 
  
  I tend to be of the opinion that you should invite who you want and let people get over it, but not if it's going to be extra stress worrying about it all day. 

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  banana468 member

  

  January 2021

  Honestly I think the size your wedding, the dynamic of their relationship and if she may have people to talk to are all factors here.  
  
  And if you opt to not invite her I would also still arrange to stay in touch with her.  Sometimes these are just delicate situations and hopefully she'll understand. 
  
  FWIW, one of my husband's uncles is in a LTR relationship with the ex W of another uncle.   They chose not to attend our wedding because they didn't want to make a fuss. 

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  downtondiva member

  

  January 2021

  There's a lot to consider here. If you were having a large wedding, especially where your dad's ex may know some other people, I'd say go ahead and invite her and make sure you give her and your dad some space from each other (and ask them both to respect the space you are giving them). But I'm thinking since your wedding is destination, it may be on the smaller side, and that won't be an option. 
  
  Also, regardless of the size of your wedding, do you think your dad and his ex can be at the same event at this point without there being too much tension? What's the rest of your family's attitude toward her, and can they be adults about it if they don't like her? Will it be upsetting to your father to see his ex, even if he doesn't show it? While I do think you should be able to invite whoever you want and everyone should be grown-ups about it, I also think you should take your dad's feelings into consideration. And you should also consider how the rest of your family might react and how YOU will feel if they case a scene. 

  
  

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