Including older niece

Re: Including older niece

• flantastic member

  

  January 2021 edited January 2021

  knottiea5a8272e305bb9ab said:

  I am very set on my wedding party, but my mother is being insistent that I include my 12 year old cousin (more like me niece).
  I don't want to have someone so young in my bridal party but I don't want her to feel left out or like she isn't included.
  Are jr bridesmaid still a thing? How can I include her without having her as an actual bridesmaid? 

  Junior bridesmaids aren't still a thing, mainly because people realized that it's insulting to ask someone to take on the responsibilities of a bridesmaid (showing up sober and standing next to you as you get married) and add a prefix to say "but you know you're not actually that grown up."
  
  First of all, your mother has no say in your wedding party. She can keep her nose out of it. Being an invited guest is honor enough. If you don't feel so close to her that you want her to stand up with you, just don't ask. Reader and bridesmaid are really the only true roles, so you could ask her to do a reading. 12 is absolutely old enough to understand when they're being given a useless role, so don't go for some kind of consolation prize if you're not going to ask her. She won't be offended, and if she is then it's a learning experience that you're not owed this sort of thing.
  
  If you are super close to your cousin/niece and actually want to include her, do. Make her a bridesmaid. 12 year olds generally understand that the bachelorette party isn't for them. Your bridesmaids don't have to plan anything for you, although they can offer, so that's not an issue. Sides don't have to be even. All she has to do is stand up with you and she's fulfilled the role of bridesmaid.

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• MyNameIsNot member

  

  January 2021

  This is easy. Tell your mother no.

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• Jen4948 member

  

  January 2021

  You "include" anyone at your wedding by inviting them to be a guest.
  
  If you are inviting guests of the age of your cousin, then invite her as well.
  
  As for whether to include her in your wedding party, that's not up to your mother, so tell her to stop "insisting" on it if you really don't want to include her.
  
  If you do decide to include your cousin (entirely up to you), ask her to be a bridesmaid with no "junior" in front of it. She can't sign your marriage certificate as a witness or participate in anything that's legally adults only, but otherwise she can do everything an adult bridesmaid can do.

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• short+sassy member

  

  January 2021

  The people you ask to be in your WP is 100% your decision.  She might be your mom, but it isn't her business either.  Tell her "no" and that it isn't open for discussion.  Rinse and repeat, as needed, along with cutting the conversation short 
  
  However, if you want to include her in the ceremony, she could do a reading.  In addition, just because she isn't a BM, doesn't mean she can't be invited to some things.  For example, if you and some of your BMs are getting ready together on the morning of your wedding, you could invite her to come also.  For example, my sister only had a MOH who was her BFF.  But I shared a hotel room with them the night before and we all got ready together that morning.  It's also perfectly fine for her to just be a guest! I'm not sure why you think she might feel left out, but sometimes people aren't included when they want to be. 

  

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