Dear Prudence,
My husband’s childhood was mostly spent at his grandparents’ home, where they raised him and made him into the great man he is today. As great as my husband is, his mother is not. She tends to be selfish, self-centered, and makes very bad decisions. Whenever my husband tells me of his childhood spent with his mother, it breaks my heart. He and his sister were constantly moving, living in one-bedroom apartments, while his mother brought in man after man into their lives. It scarred him so much that he had to go to therapy.
If I’m being honest, once my husband told me about his childhood I instantly did not like his mother. Now that we are married, we’re facing an issue that I have never dealt with before: his mother’s finances. She texts and calls my husband for money every couple of months and guilt trips him about how his “poor mother” can’t make rent or doesn’t have enough money for food. However, when we go to her $2,600-a-month condo, she seems to be doing fine. I know my sister-in-law and her husband give her money and it’s what is expected, since we’re family. But I don’t want to! I believe she is a grown adult and can support herself. My husband agrees with me, but he won’t speak up. He hates confrontation and just gives into whatever she says. He tells me that it’s his mother and he has to be there for her. I don’t know what to do. Should I speak up and tell her to leave us alone? We are trying to start our lives—buying a home, having children, etc. I know she already doesn’t like me because I’ve “changed” her son and I “control” so much of his life. (Those are just some of the rumors she spread around the family about me.)
—Mother-in-Law Only Wants Money