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Oh HELL no.

mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
in Wedding Woes

Dear Prudence,

My 47-year-old stepson has been unemployed for more than five years and has burned through most of his savings and 401(k). Being unable to afford to keep living in California, he moved in with me and my wife on her urging. In three months all he has done is play video games, emerging only to eat. When approached about finding a job, he says, “When COVID is gone.” I feel we are enabling him. My wife doesn’t want to talk about it. I feel alone in my thoughts.

—Endless Vacation

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Re: Oh HELL no.

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    charlotte989875charlotte989875 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Your stepson is 47 not 17; if all he’s doing is playing video games it’s time to put your foot down. He’s not a child but if someone is paying for him to do whatever he wants he’s going to keep acting like one. 

    Your wife can’t keep burying her head in the sand and refusing to talk about it. Tell her you need to discuss this with her and ask her to propose a time when she feels comfortable doing so. 
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    mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    charlotte989875 said:
    Your stepson is 47 not 17; if all he’s doing is playing video games it’s time to put your foot down. He’s not a child but if someone is paying for him to do whatever he wants he’s going to keep acting like one. 

    Your wife can’t keep burying her head in the sand and refusing to talk about it. Tell her you need to discuss this with her and ask her to propose a time when she feels comfortable doing so. 
    I feel like that will be the 12th of Never. LOL  
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    banana468banana468 member
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    mrsconn23 said:
    charlotte989875 said:
    Your stepson is 47 not 17; if all he’s doing is playing video games it’s time to put your foot down. He’s not a child but if someone is paying for him to do whatever he wants he’s going to keep acting like one. 

    Your wife can’t keep burying her head in the sand and refusing to talk about it. Tell her you need to discuss this with her and ask her to propose a time when she feels comfortable doing so. 
    I feel like that will be the 12th of Never. LOL  
    Also - mapping out finances.  

    I assume that the LW's wife is at least in her late 60s at the youngest and they are retired.  LW may also need to talk finances, look at keeping things separate and talk about who pays what. 

    I know if DH suddenly started throwing money towards a family member I'd find myself talking about separate checking accounts to ensure that monthly expenses were deducted from each of ours. 
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    short+sassyshort+sassy member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Think I'm seeing a "hint" of why he couldn't find a job in 5 years, lol.  Yes, COVID might make getting a job harder.  But jobs are still out there, except he isn't even looking.  That's all the LW needs to know to start setting rules.  They can still give the son a break by allowing him to stay there, as long as he pays something toward room and board.

    Unfortunately, you can't make someone leave who won't.  Worse case scenario would be going through the eviction process, but I don't see his wife agreeing to that.  

    The next best step to at least underline the point is to put locks on the fridge and pantry.  Like, "I may not be able to get your freeloading ass out of my house because of your mom.  But we're not feeding you from our retirement money either."  Hopefully he can at least talk his wife into that.
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