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Wedding Speeches - My father in law dislikes me

who_moiwho_moi newb
edited February 2021 in Wedding Reception Forum
Looking for some advice/input on wedding speeches. Long story short, my father in law does not care for me. I also don't care for him (this is putting it lightly). My soon-to-be FIL has a very bold personality (also putting it lightly) and is quite outspoken and often times inappropriate/crude with sexual innuendos (in reference to myself and my fiance) and I am really concerned about him making a speech at our wedding. Even if we didn't invite him to make a speech or told him we were not having speeches, he would still make one. He's the kind of guy who does whatever tf he wants and doesn't care who gets hurt along the way. I am worried that he will say something that paints me in a bad light, which happens just in everyday conversation as it is. My fiance is great about coming to my defense and has tried so hard to diffuse the situation, but it is what it is. So how do I sensor, or preferably keep him from making a speech? Do I tell the DJ not to let him have the mic if he goes for it? I also thought about inviting him to make a speech during the small rehearsal dinner, that might work... but I don't want to open up pandora's box, because that might cause him to go ape sh*t about making a speech at the wedding and then snowball from there. 

Advice/help please!      
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Re: Wedding Speeches - My father in law dislikes me

  • banana468banana468 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    I would just tell both your venue and whomever controls the microphone system that your FIL is not to be allowed to make a speech.   Your situation there is hardly unique. 

    The night before if there's an RD and he tries to speak there, can you ask your FI to step in should there be a speech that gets out of hand?  
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    I would just let the DJ know who should be speaking, when they'll be speaking, and make sure they understand that no one else should be permitted to take the mic. 

    I probably wouldn't ask him to speak at the RD, but if he did in the more intimate gathering, I'd let him go and just have your FI be ready to cut him off if needed. 
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  • maine7mobmaine7mob member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    I agree with the above suggestions to make it clear to your DJ or band that only x, y, and z will be allowed to speak. But if your FIL does manage to get in a rude speech, it will reflect on him, not you. 
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    I agree with PPs as well that the wedding venue staff and your vendors need to be warned that only authorized persons (if any) are allowed to speak at the wedding. You might need security if your FIL tries to grab the mike.

    But I would talk to your FI about cutting his father off at the rehearsal dinner if he says anything inappropriate. You might warn anyone else at the rehearsal dinner that your FIL might try to make such a speech. The surprise and shock element that his behavior has is probably a big part of your FIL's motivation for doing it, and taking that out of the equation might dampen the effect.
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  • ei34ei34 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited January 2021
    Your MC, band/DJ and DoC should be instructed on who to give the mic to at your reception.  My MC/band actually asked for a list of approved people as well as a list of people they should particularly make sure didn’t get near the mic. The only person on that list was a cousin of H’s I can’t stand who’s a loose canon and who tried to grab the mic from H’s BIL after his best man toast...thankfully the MC wrestled it away from him.

    The RD is only tricky if your future ILs are hosting- if they are than FFIL technically can make a toast.  If they aren’t I’d have your FI ready to go in case FFiL attempts anything.  Good luck!

    edit- I keep saying “toast” instead of speech bc no one should be making lengthy speeches, it’s kind of rude to your guests when someone holds court and goes on and on, even the nicest speaker.  A toast (aka a minute or two, tops) is really more appropriate. 
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