I need some honest advice. One of my close friends asked me to be a bridesmaid in her upcoming wedding. I am so happy for her and honored that she’s asked me to join her side on her big day. However, I’m in a tough spot, and I don’t know how to approach the situation.
My husband was just let go from his company due to Covid layoffs, and my salary was cut for the same reason. It’s been really difficult for him to find a new position, despite countless applications and phone calls - it just seems like no one is hiring. Things are very, very tight for us financially right now. We also have a 9-month old daughter, so our priority is making sure her needs are met and the mortgage and other “big” bills are paid; we don’t have extra income at the moment for weddings or even the upcoming holidays, really.
My friend is planning to have her wedding be a “destination” wedding, out of state in the Smoky Mountains (we live in Texas). The wedding is only a few months away, and the way it is looking right now, I don’t think I am going to be able to afford travel, accommodations, etc. to participate in her wedding.
I don’t know how to tell her this or even approach the subject at all. I don’t want her to feel like I’m not happy for her or hurt her feelings in any way. I would love to be by her side to celebrate with her, but I just don’t think it would be financially feasible at this point in time. Knowing that we are struggling to pay our mortgage, I wouldn’t feel comfortable spending money on a plane ticket/bridesmaid dress. I’m worried that I will have to drop out last minute (which I would HATE if someone did that to me), so I’m debating if the best option would be to decline her offer now while it is still early in the planning process? And hope that she isn’t offended? I don’t know what to do.
Any advice is welcome.
Re: Broke Bridesmaid
If you can't spend the money to travel, there's not much to do, but she may help you come up with alternatives. She should be willing to work with you on a bridesmaid dress that fits your budget, and she may even have ideas for how you can make the trip on a shoestring. (Maybe someone is driving or someone can offer a cheap place to stay.) But really, if you can't make the trip, you can't make the trip. She should understand that, too.
Also, she may be dealing with her own set of pandemic troubles. Travel is still ill-advised and many venues are limiting and restricting events. It's entirely possible that they're not going to be able to have a destination wedding in a few months. If they have to change the location or the date, you may have new options.
Good luck to you and your H. I hope your all's finances get back to normal soon.
In the meantime, if you haven't already, speak to your bank about mortgage forbearance. That could be the stop-gap you all need for right now until your H is working again. One warning, though. While a mortgage forbearance won't affect your credit score, it will show up on your credit report. I'm not sure when it drops off, but probably not at least until the forbearance has stopped and the dollar value of the payments that were postponed are paid off.
ALSO - Have this conversation LIVE, do not text or email this!