Broke Bridesmaid

Re: Broke Bridesmaid

• ILoveBeachMusic member

  

  January 2021

  Be honest with her. If she is close enough that you are a bridesmaid she should understand your situation. This has been a rough year on everyone but some more than others. I'm very sorry about your husband's job and your pay reduction. You need to take care of you and your family first (which it sounds like you know). Explain all that to your friend just like you did in your post. Do it sooner rather than later telling her that if the situation changes you will be more than happy to attend as a guest. I think it would be worse to wait and drop out at the last minute. Good luck to your husband in his job search.

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• MyNameIsNot member

  

  January 2021

  Knottie1437063378 said:

  I need some honest advice. One of my close friends asked me to be a bridesmaid in her upcoming wedding. I am so happy for her and honored that she’s asked me to join her side on her big day. However, I’m in a tough spot, and I don’t know how to approach the situation. 

  
  

  My husband was just let go from his company due to Covid layoffs, and my salary was cut for the same reason. It’s been really difficult for him to find a new position, despite countless applications and phone calls - it just seems like no one is hiring. Things are very, very tight for us financially right now. We also have a 9-month old daughter, so our priority is making sure her needs are met and the mortgage and other “big” bills are paid; we don’t have extra income at the moment for weddings or even the upcoming holidays, really. 

  
  

  My friend is planning to have her wedding be a “destination” wedding, out of state in the Smoky Mountains (we live in Texas). The wedding is only a few months away, and the way it is looking right now, I don’t think I am going to be able to afford travel, accommodations, etc. to participate in her wedding. 

  
  

  I don’t know how to tell her this or even approach the subject at all. I don’t want her to feel like I’m not happy for her or hurt her feelings in any way. I would love to be by her side to celebrate with her, but I just don’t think it would be financially feasible at this point in time. Knowing that we are struggling to pay our mortgage, I wouldn’t feel comfortable spending money on a plane ticket/bridesmaid dress. I’m worried that I will have to drop out last minute (which I would HATE if someone did that to me), so I’m debating if the best option would be to decline her offer now while it is still early in the planning process? And hope that she isn’t offended? I don’t know what to do. 

  
  

  Any advice is welcome.

  The best thing you can do right now is talk to her. She's your friend, she should be supportive of you while you're going through a difficult time. 
  
  If you can't spend the money to travel, there's not much to do, but she may help you come up with alternatives. She should be willing to work with you on a bridesmaid dress that fits your budget, and she may even have ideas for how you can make the trip on a shoestring. (Maybe someone is driving or someone can offer a cheap place to stay.) But really, if you can't make the trip, you can't make the trip. She should understand that, too.
  
  Also, she may be dealing with her own set of pandemic troubles. Travel is still ill-advised and many venues are limiting and restricting events. It's entirely possible that they're not going to be able to have a destination wedding in a few months. If they have to change the location or the date, you may have new options. 

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• Jen4948 member

  

  January 2021

  I would tell your friend, "I'm very happy for you and greatly honored to be asked to be your bridesmaid. Unfortunately, as you may be aware, my husband and I are severely pinched financially. We can't currently budget more than $X for the wedding. In order for me to participate, can you help me fit my wedding costs within this budget? Otherwise, it won't be possible for me to come."

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• maine7mob member

  

  January 2021

  I would decline ASAP. According to your post, you have no budget for extras like attending a wedding. There is no shame in this, even during normal times. Just tell her that Covid hit your family finances particularly hard and you cannot afford to attend. She will understand.

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• short+sassy member

  

  January 2021

  Explain to your friend, sooner rather than later, about how tough things are right now and you cannot be a BM and possibly won't be able to come to the wedding either.  Emphasize how much you wish you could be in the WP, but it just isn't feasible anymore.  If she is a true friend, she will understand.
  
  Good luck to you and your H.  I hope your all's finances get back to normal soon.
  
  In the meantime, if you haven't already, speak to your bank about mortgage forbearance.  That could be the stop-gap you all need for right now until your H is working again.  One warning, though.  While a mortgage forbearance won't affect your credit score, it will show up on your credit report.  I'm not sure when it drops off, but probably not at least until the forbearance has stopped and the dollar value of the payments that were postponed are paid off.

  

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• climbingsingle member

  

  January 2021

  Agreed that you just need to have an honest conversation with her. And do it soon. Tell her that you're so happy for her, but because of your current financial situation, you just can't make it happen. 

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• MesmrEwe member

  

  January 2021

  If she's that close with you to ask you to be a BM in her wedding - you're close enough to have the tough conversation that needs to be had...  And as others have recommended - sooner rather than later!  With an obvious - "if the financial situation changes by then, I'll be there in a heartbeat, and if there's any way to zoom/facetime in I want to be there, but right now we're struggling to pay just our mortgage and must cut any extras out as much as possible!"...
  
  ALSO - Have this conversation LIVE, do not text or email this!

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• knottie68e99af41e198492 member

  

  April 2021

  Such a dilemma! That must be really had since you want to honor your friend but you also must honor your family’s budget.  Like everyone else said, I’d explain your situation that your finances don’t allow you to participate since it’s so far away. Who knows, maybe she was planning on covering your expenses for going? I’m covering the cost of airfare and providing a guest bedroom for my bridesmaids as well as the buying their dress because I didn’t want money to be a hindrance for them to participate in our special day.  Maybe your friend was planning something similar. I totally get your situation though, I once participated in a wedding that ended up costing me over $1,000 plus I had to take unpaid vacation days to get time off to participate in the festivities. I knew I never wanted any of my bridesmaids to feel that way, so we cut the budget in some ways to be able to accommodate for them. 

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