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Wedding Woes

I want to read it now.

Dear Prudence, 

I’m a writer in my early 20s who grew up on the internet. This means that I’ve been posting my thoughts online ever since I was a tween (yikes!). My career is now starting to take off, and I’m gaining recognition for my work. I thought getting here would feel good, but it’s terrifying. I can’t stop imagining the worst-case scenario of getting “cancelled” or having people turn against me for things I thoughtlessly posted when I was younger. It’s not that I’ve ever posted anything egregious—I don’t think I have—but my stomach drops whenever I think about my 13-year-old self’s thoughts, especially being taken out of context. This fear is amplified by the knowledge that even the stuff I’ve deleted from Facebook, Twitter, or wherever else technically still exists on some web archive somewhere. I’ve built up an unreasonable amount of fear around this. The thought makes me nauseated. I’ve always dreamt of gaining recognition for my work, but now that it’s happening, I kind of just want to disappear from the internet (which I know isn’t an option in my field). How do I work through this?

—Dreading Cancellation

Re: I want to read it now.

  • If you're getting recognition can you talk to an editor and ask what the protocol is, find out what's checked and what is usually seen? 


  • banana468 said:
    If you're getting recognition can you talk to an editor and ask what the protocol is, find out what's checked and what is usually seen? 
    I think there are also companies that can be hired to scrub all/part of someone's online presence.

    But I also think the LW might need some therapy sessions to find coping mechanisms for this kind of extreme anxiety.  Their reaction is out of the norm for something that might and probably won't happen.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • I second S+S. If you are making enough money that people are scouring your jr. high yearbook to contact acquaintances for 30year old screen shots, hire a company to scrub that shit.

    But don't worry about shit that hasn't happened yet. As my MIL told me "worry is like a rocking chair, it will give you something to do but won't get you any where."
  • banana468 said:
    If you're getting recognition can you talk to an editor and ask what the protocol is, find out what's checked and what is usually seen? 
    I think there are also companies that can be hired to scrub all/part of someone's online presence.

    But I also think the LW might need some therapy sessions to find coping mechanisms for this kind of extreme anxiety.  Their reaction is out of the norm for something that might and probably won't happen.
    Right.   My question is more for the LW that she's one of MANY in her generation.  So how much is on the internet, and is really all that bad?   An editor can probably point her in the right direction so she can dig in a bit more and help feel at ease. 
  • I know when I realized I wasn't using other platforms anymore, I would start to heavily privatize them.

    Like my myspace - when I realized I wasn't using it much, I started to privatize a bunch of stuff.

    Could LW potentially find these old places they posted and go find and privatize them?

    If not, yeh 100% talk to editor. They probably have protocol about this
  • Talk to an editor or search engine expert. 

    But also, maybe go back over what they’ve written. What is there that is a problem? How would they want to address it if it went viral? Sometimes just thinking through what could happen would give them enough piece of mind that they could handle the eventual fall out and have a plan for managing it. 
  • Therapy for your anxiety. 
  • The mere fact someone is experiencing anxiety over something they wrote when they were 13 says more about where things are at in society/culture.  Time to pay the price and have the history scrubbed...
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