Dear Prudence,
I have been with my partner for 11 years, and for nine of those years, he has attended college full-time. He has two undergraduate degrees and a few different certifications, but nothing that has translated into gainful employment. One of my friends called him a “professional student,” and I felt this was an appropriate description. He is not working toward any particular goal beyond taking as many classes as he can, indefinitely. I’m getting tired of being the sole provider in our household. We barely have enough income to support the two of us and certainly nothing to put in savings. My partner takes out loans to pay for school, and he doesn’t want to discuss exactly how much he owes because “you can’t put a price on knowledge.” I have asked him to get a part-time job and scale back on the classes, but he says this would not be fulfilling and a life that is not fulfilling is not worth living. He has even told me that I am falling victim to “toxic rhetoric” that judges a man’s worth based on his ability to provide financially. Other than this conflict, we typically agree on most things and he is a loving and supportive partner. Am I in the wrong here? Is there any way we can argue more effectively about this? I suspect that deep down, the endless classes are his way of avoiding having to get a job and take on adult responsibilities, as he has made remarks before about “The Man” and not wanting to be a “drone.”
—Professional Student