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Help! How do I tell my close friends that they aren't invited, without hurting their feelings?

knottie22dfce47b242a1d8knottie22dfce47b242a1d8 member
in Wedding Party
We got engaged this past summer, and because of Covid, we have been planning a small, intimate, immediate-family-only wedding for this May. I was devastated about not being able to have my two best friends there. I also have quite a few close friends that would have been bridesmaids if we had been able to have more guests. I let all of my friends know that we were planning a family only wedding for safety purposes, and they were all understanding. Fast forward to today. Because of the vaccine, we have decided to each choose our two best friends to join us for the wedding. I have two clear best friends (one from high school, and one from college), so it was an easy decision to make. However, I am worried that it will hurt the feelings of the other girls who won't be invited. I asked one of my bridesmaids today, and will be asking the other soon, so I know eventually the other girls will see via social media posts (one of my bridesmaids is in the same "friend group" as the the others who won't be invited). How do I let them know that I decided to invite the two other girls, without making it seem like they are less important? I do plan on having a bachelorette party, and a big vow renewal once things are safer, and they know they will be included in those! I just don't want to hurt their feelings now.
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Re: Help! How do I tell my close friends that they aren't invited, without hurting their feelings?

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    maine7mobmaine7mob member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    You're not having an "immediate family only" wedding if you are including your two best friends. The ones who aren't invited will be hurt, but there isn't much you can do except to set your own social media posts so that only those who were present can see them. And you can hope the two invited friends exercise the same tact.

    However, one thing you should not do is to invite people to a bachelorette party if you're not inviting them to the wedding. This is both rude and cruel, as if you're giving them a consolation prize.

    I know Covid makes things tricky, so go ahead and have your smaller wedding, and then, once this is over, have a big "no gifts" party and invite all of your friends. 


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    ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    You really can't have a bachelorette party after a wedding because you won't be a bachelorette. You can have a girls' night out but don't call it anything wedding related. I'm assuming you will be doing this once Covid is under control because it certainly doesn't make sense to do it during the pandemic. I agree with @maine7mob, your friends will probably be hurt but hopefully will understand. Just don't talk about it with them. Personally, I would've stayed with your original plan of immediate family only.
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    downtondivadowntondiva member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    To be honest, I think the only way you could have avoided friends' feelings being hurt is sticking to your original plan of a family only wedding. Since you can't take back your invitations to your two best friends now, though, I think the only thing you can do is be discreet about your social media posts regarding the wedding and be careful about how you discuss the wedding afterward with anyone who wasn't invited. I'm not sure whether it's a good idea to go to these friends ahead of time and tell them they are still not invited; wouldn't that only add to any hurt feelings?
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    ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    knottie22dfce47b242a1d8 said:
    We got engaged this past summer, and because of Covid, we have been planning a small, intimate, immediate-family-only wedding for this May. I was devastated about not being able to have my two best friends there. I also have quite a few close friends that would have been bridesmaids if we had been able to have more guests. I let all of my friends know that we were planning a family only wedding for safety purposes, and they were all understanding. Fast forward to today. Because of the vaccine, we have decided to each choose our two best friends to join us for the wedding. I have two clear best friends (one from high school, and one from college), so it was an easy decision to make. However, I am worried that it will hurt the feelings of the other girls who won't be invited. I asked one of my bridesmaids today, and will be asking the other soon, so I know eventually the other girls will see via social media posts (one of my bridesmaids is in the same "friend group" as the the others who won't be invited). How do I let them know that I decided to invite the two other girls, without making it seem like they are less important? I do plan on having a bachelorette party, and a big vow renewal once things are safer, and they know they will be included in those! I just don't want to hurt their feelings now.
    JIC
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    MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    I would specifically ask the two best friends to keep all mention of the wedding off social media. While it doesn't need to be a secret, blasting about the wedding to people who aren't invited is rude and can be hurtful. 

    Agree that you shouldn't have a bachelorette party. You shouldn't invite anyone that isn't invited to the wedding to a wedding related party. It's quite rude and will just rub salt in the wound. 
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