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Engagement Etiquette

knottiedaa176cd64c47683knottiedaa176cd64c47683 member
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edited February 2021 in Just Engaged and Proposals
I have a friend who claims to be a "wedding expert". She has told me that if we get engaged, the mother of the groom contacts the mother of the bride. Is this true? 
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Re: Engagement Etiquette

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    short+sassyshort+sassy member
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    knottiedaa176cd64c47683 said:
    I have a friend who claims to be a "wedding expert". She has told me that if we get engaged, the mother of the groom contacts the mother of the bride. Is this true? 
    No, that sounds weird and silly.  Maybe it's some old-timey tradition, though I have never heard of it.  Especially since it is very gendered.

    Of course, the MOG could contact the MOB if they want to.  Or vice-versa.  But it's not an etiquette thing.
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    knottiedaa176cd64c47683knottiedaa176cd64c47683 member
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    Thanks-that's what I thought. Here is what I held back-my parents are both deceased.  This "friend" has also said to me "what will your wedding invitation say?".  Yeah-it bit-a lot.  As if I'm not upset enough that my parents aren't here.  I'm in my 30s and have aunts, uncles and a sister who is also married so it's not like I'm an "orphan" with no one. 
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    banana468banana468 member
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    So, there's some old-timey etiquette about the MOG contacting the MOB about attire to ensure that there is no desire or upstaging looks.  

    But at this point, so much of that is going away because grown adults are capable of dressing themselves and it's NOW the height of rudeness to insinuate that giving birth to a person with a penis somehow means that you don't get to pick out your own clothes. 

    As far as invitations go, sure there are some etiquette rules to follow.  That said, ALL of that takes place once the wedding itself is planned.     You don't go with formal invitations for a backyard BBQ and wouldn't go with something casual if your guests will have white gloved butler passed food, a 5 piece band and wear formal attire. 


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    knottiedaa176cd64c47683knottiedaa176cd64c47683 member
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    lolololololol- you made my day!!! :)  a
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    Jen4948Jen4948 member
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    I think all it means is that there needs to be some contact between the two families - and even then, that's entirely between the family members. There's no wedding police that would arrest the MOB for contacting the MOG first or the MOG for not contacting the MOB. It's not an enforceable "rule," shall we say.
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    maine7mobmaine7mob member
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    It's ideal when the parents can connect in some way and have a cordial relationship, but it's not required at all. (My parents and my husband's parents could not stand one another.) It used to be the custom that the bride's mother got to pick her dress first, and then the groom's mother had to choose a different color, but this is no longer a thing. And it also used to be that the bride's parents would host (and pay for) the wedding, so their names were at the top of the invitation, but again, this is not a "rule." Your friend might be an expert in 1960s wedding etiquette, but her knowledge needs updating.
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    ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic member
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    LOL this is an extremely old "rule" that the grooms parents would contact the brides parents so that the families could meet. As others have said, it is nice if the families can meet but there are no rules about it any longer. We met DS1's in laws the night before the wedding. Yes, I would've liked to have met them earlier but it just didn't happen. Don't worry about your "friend's" rules. Enjoy your engagement.
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