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Mother In Law Dress

knottie9223fd3c76d536f3knottie9223fd3c76d536f3 member
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in Moms and Maids
Hi! 
First post would love advice on this. My fiancé has a young mom she’s only 41 and he’s 25. She has size E fake boobs that she’s always showing off to the point where you can see the top of her nipples in tops. He’s told her all throughout his high school and college years how uncomfortable her cleavage makes him and she always saying she doesn’t know what he’s talking about and continues to dress as such. My fiancé told her he wants her to feel comfortable but politely requests for our wedding she dress more modest and conservative. He said for the sake of other family members and not wanting attention taken away from us or always seeing her cleavage in wedding photos. She didn’t react well and is upset. Please help! Was this wrong to ask this? 
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Re: Mother In Law Dress

  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 25000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Yes.   It was wrong.


    I can understand the intent, desire and what is considered appropriate for the occasion. 

    But what your FI did is tell his mother, a grown adult, start to wear.   And unfortunately even if she dresses inappropriate two wrongs don't make a right. 
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  • missJeanLouisemissJeanLouise member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    knottie9223fd3c76d536f3 said:
    Hi! 
    First post would love advice on this. My fiancé has a young mom she’s only 41 and he’s 25. She has size E fake boobs that she’s always showing off to the point where you can see the top of her nipples in tops. He’s told her all throughout his high school and college years how uncomfortable her cleavage makes him and she always saying she doesn’t know what he’s talking about and continues to dress as such. My fiancé told her he wants her to feel comfortable but politely requests for our wedding she dress more modest and conservative. He said for the sake of other family members and not wanting attention taken away from us or always seeing her cleavage in wedding photos. She didn’t react well and is upset. Please help! Was this wrong to ask this? 
    Ugh. That is so aggravating. I can understand why your FI did what he did but it isn't really appropriate to try to dictate what others wear. I think it also kind of depends on their relationship. I can definitely get away with saying things to my mom that my sister can't.

    I think that rather than focus on whether he was right or wrong in this situation, think about what you are going to do about this for the future. It sounds like this is who she is, this is how she feels comfortable, and she isn't going to change anytime soon. Try not to dwell on it too much. She won't take attention away from you, photos can be edited, it's not worth a fight imo.
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Your FI was really wrong to say this to his mother. He needs to apologize. 

    It's her body. She gets to modify and dress it any way she likes. If he doesn't like it, he needs to learn to look away. 
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  • MesmrEweMesmrEwe member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    This is one of those "He was wrong but he was so right.." times (the child disciplining the parent type thing)...  

    Here's the thing to say... "Mom - I'm sorry for what I said - instead I'd like to go shopping with you when you pick out your outfit for our wedding!  Would you like to go to Nordstrom's or Macy's first?"
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    MesmrEwe said:
    This is one of those "He was wrong but he was so right.." times (the child disciplining the parent type thing)...  

    Here's the thing to say... "Mom - I'm sorry for what I said - instead I'd like to go shopping with you when you pick out your outfit for our wedding!  Would you like to go to Nordstrom's or Macy's first?"
    No. He is not "right" to police his mother's attire in any way, shape or form. Trying to force himself and his opinions into dress shopping is still overbearing and inappropriate. 
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  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Your FI owes his mother an apology. Neither of you get to police her wardrobe, and that includes for your wedding too. She can wear whatever she wants. 
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  • CasadenaCasadena member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    I wouldn't want my mom or MIL dressing that way either at a formal event, but it's not my job or my right to police what they wear.  My MIL wore a fully beaded backless gown to our wedding that I thought was unflattering and far too formal for our casual wedding vibe.  But it's not my body and not my choice - she can wear whatever she wants and she was happy and comfortable in what she wore.  That's the important thing!
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  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 25000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    MesmrEwe said:
    This is one of those "He was wrong but he was so right.." times (the child disciplining the parent type thing)...  

    Here's the thing to say... "Mom - I'm sorry for what I said - instead I'd like to go shopping with you when you pick out your outfit for our wedding!  Would you like to go to Nordstrom's or Macy's first?"
    I don't think this is a good idea especially since the FI already has his foot in his mouth.  The intentions here are pretty clear that he intends to take mom shopping to get her to wear what he thinks she should and shows that he's not really sorry for what he's said- he'd just sorry she's mad. 
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  • ei34ei34 member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Your FI owes his mother an apology.  You don’t get to dictate what anyone wears to your wedding except for the bridal party (and even then you have to take their budgets and comfort levels into account). 
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  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    banana468 said:
    MesmrEwe said:
    This is one of those "He was wrong but he was so right.." times (the child disciplining the parent type thing)...  

    Here's the thing to say... "Mom - I'm sorry for what I said - instead I'd like to go shopping with you when you pick out your outfit for our wedding!  Would you like to go to Nordstrom's or Macy's first?"
    I don't think this is a good idea especially since the FI already has his foot in his mouth.  The intentions here are pretty clear that he intends to take mom shopping to get her to wear what he thinks she should and shows that he's not really sorry for what he's said- he'd just sorry she's mad. 
    Can you imagine your 25 year old kid telling you they're going to come dress shopping so they can supervise what you choose? LOLOLOLOL
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  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 25000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    climbingsingle said:
    banana468 said:
    MesmrEwe said:
    This is one of those "He was wrong but he was so right.." times (the child disciplining the parent type thing)...  

    Here's the thing to say... "Mom - I'm sorry for what I said - instead I'd like to go shopping with you when you pick out your outfit for our wedding!  Would you like to go to Nordstrom's or Macy's first?"
    I don't think this is a good idea especially since the FI already has his foot in his mouth.  The intentions here are pretty clear that he intends to take mom shopping to get her to wear what he thinks she should and shows that he's not really sorry for what he's said- he'd just sorry she's mad. 
    Can you imagine your 25 year old kid telling you they're going to come dress shopping so they can supervise what you choose? LOLOLOLOL
    I cannot imagine being my age (nearly 41) and then having a family member critiquing my clothing.  If I feel confident with what I'm wearing (I generally do) then I'm not going to listen to my child (or for me my younger cousin) telling me that they're supervising me. 

    Then again, my 10 year old told me the other day that I need to stop trying to act cool.  
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