Dear Prudence,
I should be optimistic about the pandemic slowly coming to an end, but now the topic fills me with dread. I still long for the camaraderie and creativity of the office, but I have terrible anxiety about how to appropriately answer the inevitable breakroom personal question: “So, are you seeing anyone?” The men I can handle with a flippant, “And give some rando the other half of my stuff?!” which is always good for a laugh between guys who remember Eddie Murphy. But in mixed company or from women? We’re one big family at work, and I’m a senior executive. Whether they’re interested in just making small talk with the boss or genuinely concerned for my well-being (or their own careers), I take no offense by their curiosity.
The thing is that my divorce was final a year before COVID. Before, I could easily brush off the question with a variation of “I’m focusing on my boys for now,” which was true. But that excuse won’t fly more than two years out. I’m definitely not interested in a pep-talk or further questions. I know I’m unattractive—I got that tragic wake-up call on my “honeymoon.” I thought my ex was asexual for most of our 16 years of marriage, but her affair at the end (presumably not the first) buried that self-deception. And while being celibate sucks, it’s incomparably easier alone than while sharing a bed. I’m definitely not up for doing that, nor the rare-yet-awful pity sex again, so I have absolutely no interest in “seeing anyone.” How do I politely brush off the question without sounding like an asshole?
—Dreading the Question