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Classic: DTMFA, like you should have years ago.

mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
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in Wedding Woes
I found out a few weeks ago that I’m expecting a child. My husband has two children from a previous marriage. About two years ago I got pregnant and my husband went into a violent depression. He didn’t speak to me for weeks except to tell me how I had ruined his life. Then, when I miscarried he celebrated. I started bleeding in the grocery store, and he fell to his knees and “praised God” for this wonderful blessing. After months of therapy, we decided to try to make the marriage work, under the agreement that we would never have a child together. However, I now find myself pregnant again. And, I want this baby as much as I wanted the last one. The trouble is, I decided back then that I would never want a child with my husband. There is a very good chance that my husband will divorce me and leave a man-shaped hole in the front door as he grabs his two kids and runs as far away as he can. I am not ready for the end of the marriage I have put so many years and so much work into. But, I’m even more not ready to hear my husband try to talk me into an abortion—which is not an option. And, I think it would be traumatic for my stepchildren to watch me carry a baby to term and then put it up for adoption. They are well old enough to know what’s happening. Plus, I could never part with my child. I have to tell him. But how?
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Re: Classic: DTMFA, like you should have years ago.

  • flantasticflantastic member
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    Why do you want this guy?
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  • STARMOON44STARMOON44 member
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    You need to make a plan to get out safely. Your marriage is over. 
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  • CharmedPamCharmedPam member
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    Leave him and get the child support.  Anyone who reacts that way is a huge red flag! 

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  • flantasticflantastic member
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    STARMOON44 said:
    You need to make a plan to get out safely. Your marriage is over. 
    Seriously. I don't understand why it wasn't over two years ago, but if you already know that you are having the baby and you don't want it with him - do you need to tell him anything more than "I'm leaving you (I've left you, actually)"?
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  • charlotte989875charlotte989875 member
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    It’s never too late to dump an asshole. 
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  • mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
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    This poor LW sounds abused as hell and I also wonder if they feel they need to stay married to protect the husband's kids from him.  I know this letter is centered around his behavior around LW's previous pregnancy and their fears about the current one, but you can't tell me he's a nice guy at all other times and this is his one 'trauma trigger'.

    Also, how the fuck can his current kids not be affected by this?  I mean, if he goes as dark as to celebrate a miscarriage for a baby he supposedly doesn't want, I can't imagine he's keeping his light under a bushel around his existing children.  I wonder if they have ever felt wanted by him.  

    LW can't do anything for their stepkids and needs to leave. LW deserves better.  This baby deserves better.  I'm not for this in most circumstances, but it's on the level of getting the hell out, not leaving a forwarding address, and never telling him when LW gives birth.  He will be abusive AF to this baby. 
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  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
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    I actually gasped while reading this. 
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  • short+sassyshort+sassy member
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    All of that is just horrifying.  Refusing to speak to me for weeks is a deal-breaker DTMFA.  Especially for something he was equally responsible for.  Joyously celebrating in public while I am going through a medical emergency is a deal-breaker DTMFA.  I realize each person has their own and different deal-breakers but, LW, seriously.  Please save yourself and your unborn child from years of emotional, if not physical abuse.  GTFO.

    Also, if he is so adamant about never having another child , then why didn't he get a vasectomy?  Especially after the first oopsie "ruined his life" and almost destroyed their marriage.  I'm guessing it's because he is a misogynistic monster who thinks BC is the woman's responsibility and he wouldn't be as much of a "man", if he were snipped.
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  • banana468banana468 member
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    CharmedPam said:
    short+sassy said:
    All of that is just horrifying.  Refusing to speak to me for weeks is a deal-breaker DTMFA.  Especially for something he was equally responsible for.  Joyously celebrating in public while I am going through a medical emergency is a deal-breaker DTMFA.  I realize each person has their own and different deal-breakers but, LW, seriously.  Please save yourself and your unborn child from years of emotional, if not physical abuse.  GTFO.

    Also, if he is so adamant about never having another child , then why didn't he get a vasectomy?  Especially after the first oopsie "ruined his life" and almost destroyed their marriage.  I'm guessing it's because he is a misogynistic monster who thinks BC is the woman's responsibility and he wouldn't be as much of a "man", if he were snipped.
    This.  Why leave it all up to her?
    Also true.  If he's refusing to have another child I am not understanding why he hasn't made this choice for himself unless there are so many deep issues he has. 
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  • mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
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    CharmedPam said:
    short+sassy said:
    All of that is just horrifying.  Refusing to speak to me for weeks is a deal-breaker DTMFA.  Especially for something he was equally responsible for.  Joyously celebrating in public while I am going through a medical emergency is a deal-breaker DTMFA.  I realize each person has their own and different deal-breakers but, LW, seriously.  Please save yourself and your unborn child from years of emotional, if not physical abuse.  GTFO.

    Also, if he is so adamant about never having another child , then why didn't he get a vasectomy?  Especially after the first oopsie "ruined his life" and almost destroyed their marriage.  I'm guessing it's because he is a misogynistic monster who thinks BC is the woman's responsibility and he wouldn't be as much of a "man", if he were snipped.
    This.  Why leave it all up to her?
    Because he's an abusive fuckface.  

    I will amend my 'leave and tell no one', if the mother of his kids is still around, LW should tell her to get the kids away from him.  
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