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Do we still invite? XP

summer2020summer2020 member
First Anniversary Name Dropper 5 Love Its First Comment
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Hi all!

Quick question! My fiancé and I were planning on getting married last June, and had to postpone to this June due to Covid. We are starting to put our invites together to send out for June. We had previously sent out invites last year, and then sent out postponement notices to everyone about a month before our wedding. We are not having kids at our wedding. And we put a "# of seats reserved in your honor" on our RSVP cards, just to make sure there was no confusion. 

I received a text from a couple we had invited (who has 6 kids, who I cannot even name) and the wife texted me saying "I noticed the invite was only addressed to Joe and I... seriously no kids??". I sent a polite response saying that since we are having a formal wedding, we decided not to invite kids, and that we hoped she could still come and enjoy the night.  Not that it really matters, but her and her husband regularly go out without the kids, and I know they have no issue hiring a sitter.

She then responded "We won't be going. Sorry. We'd love to but we just want out kids to be involved so since they can't be we will have to pass". 

So now my question is do we send them another invite for our new date? If they had been unable to find a sitter, couldn't afford it, etc. I would absolutely be sending them another invite. But I feel as if the wife was taking a stand and just trying to show me up since her kids would not be able to attend. I would rather not invite them again, but I know that etiquette wise, technically they should be receiving an invite. Honestly, I am not too worried about if they are upset about not getting any invite as we are not super close (it's my step dads nephew and wife). I just can't believe the response she gave me, and it really rubbed me the wrong way and sort of stung.

Any advice would be appreciated! 
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Re: Do we still invite? XP

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    ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Yes you should still send them an invitation. The only reason you wouldn't is if you have had to limit the size of your guest list. They probably still won't come, but that is their choice. Don't let this bother you. Enjoy your wedding.
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    MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    I wouldn't invite them and I don't think etiquette requires you to. You cancelled the wedding last year and are now planning a new event. That means you get to create a new guest list. 

    If it were a cousin or something, I'd probably suck it up, but this is a distant relation that you don't have much of a relationship with who has already told you that they're not interested. 
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    Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Well, that "seriously?" comment was rude. Since they already told you they won't attend without their kids, and you aren't inviting their kids, I think they won't miss an actual invitation, but if you want to be totally polite, I'd still send one.

    That said, it is possible to have a formal event while inviting kids. You don't have to do it for your wedding, but "formal" in and of itself <> "no kids." That could be part of what set things off.
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    short+sassyshort+sassy member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Since the original event was totally cancelled and postponed to a year later, I don't feel there is any obligation to invite them again.  I suppose it could be awkward if everyone else from the original guest list is being invited but then, which they may not even realize.  But, even if they did, they probably would chalk it up to it's because they declined the previous invitation.  I agree with you.  That decline wasn't tied to circumstances that would have changed over the past year.  They don't want to go without their kids.
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    MesmrEweMesmrEwe member
    First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    Yes, invite them knowing since the kids aren't invited and that part hasn't changed, after a year with the kids everywhere in tow they may decide they need an evening out without them and decide to come instead.  Worst case scenario you can copy/paste if she contacts you again on it to make your life easier.  And yes, you just learned WHY you phrase it that way on the RSVP to avoid an RSVP for 8 instead of 2...  It's better to deal with a disappointed "really?!?!" than a "Hey you're a schmuck for not understanding the invite was only addressed to the two of you with a RSVP FOR TWO ONLY and now I've got to call YOU on it!"..  
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    ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    short+sassy said:
    Since the original event was totally cancelled and postponed to a year later, I don't feel there is any obligation to invite them again.  I suppose it could be awkward if everyone else from the original guest list is being invited but then, which they may not even realize.  But, even if they did, they probably would chalk it up to it's because they declined the previous invitation.  I agree with you.  That decline wasn't tied to circumstances that would have changed over the past year.  They don't want to go without their kids.
    I think it depends on how it was postponed. We were invited to a wedding last May. It has been postponed to this May. The bride and groom communicated the new date to everyone (I assume) when they learned it needed to be postponed. If they sent notes saying we are postponing the wedding and the guests will be getting more information in the future, I think an invite should be sent.
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