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  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    How strange! I've not heard of the requirement that your honor attendant has to be a woman. I personally think two ceremonies like you are proposing is too much. You need to decide (with your FH) what is important for the two of you. I understand you want to make your mother happy, but if having a Catholic ceremony isn't important to you all then you shouldn't have a Catholic ceremony. It is disrespectful to both you and the Catholic faith to have it just for your mother. If you decide it is something you both think is important, I would clarify with the priest at your church about your attendant (your brother isn't a maid of honor BTW). Perhaps the deacon is mistaken. 
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    yiangelica1 said:
    Hello, all! I could really use some advice. 

    So, my wedding is in October and was set to have a Catholic ceremony and reception at a nearby golf club. I started my wedding prep with the church deacon and was shocked to hear that my maid of honor (my brother) will not be allowed to stand by my side during the ceremony because this role has to be filled by a woman. While I know I could place someone else for ceremonial purposes, this is really difficult for both myself and my brother. He is my best friend and I couldn't think of anyone else that I would want by my side during this important time. One of my bridesmaids also does not want to wear a dress, which is totally fine by me, but I have a feeling that will also be frowned upon in the wedding ceremony. 

    My brother proposed that I have a small catholic ceremony on Friday (just close family and me wearing not my wedding dress but maybe my cultural traditional dress, a filipino baro't says) and have the reception dinner that evening for the big wedding on Saturday. I was going to have another ceremony at the actual reception place for my 120 guests, where I will be able to wear the wedding dress I bought. 

    Does this sound like way too much? Has anyone heard of something like this done before?

    The catholic ceremony is super important for my mom. Making her happy is so important to me, which is why I cannot completely write off a catholic ceremony.

    Thank you!
    You shouldn't have a catholic ceremony for your mother. Getting married in the catholic church is a sacrament. It also means embracing the catholic faith and vowing to raise your children in the church. If you are a practicing catholic, you should be married there and embrace all of those things, but you shouldn't do it because of your mother. 

    That said, there is no catholic doctrine that requires attendants be a particular gender or sex. If this particular priest doesn't like it, choose a different priest. If you're practicing, you should know the attitudes and values of the priests at your home parish, and you should be able to discuss with them. 

    Having a fake ceremony makes no sense and doesn't solve anything. 
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  • maine7mobmaine7mob member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    I know the deacon told you this, but have you actually asked the priest who will be marrying you? I would start there. And if that's a rule the church has, I'd find a different Catholic church. Different priests have different preferences that don't have anything to do with doctrine. That's their prerogative.
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  • banana468banana468 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    I do not think this is a Catholic requirement at all.   I'm not sure why OP DD'd but I'd actually look into it and would consider going up the food chain.   Witnesses don't even need to be Catholic! 
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Wondering about the DD. I'm not Catholic myself, but I've read a lot about Catholic weddings and I've never heard or seen anywhere that the Catholic Church requires that honor attendants be the same sex as the principals. I'd check that out and find out if that is genuine Church doctrine or simply your officiating priest's personal preference. If it's the latter, he should not be your officiant. 

    And if you're marrying in a Catholic ceremony because it's important to your mother, then I'd want to know whether you plan to live as a devout Catholic in accordance with the Church's teachings. If you don't, then it's actually not respectful to the Church or your mother to have that kind of ceremony, where you have to swear not only to live and believe according to Catholic doctrine but to raise any future children that way as well. Don't do that in order to make your mother happy.
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  • geebee908geebee908 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    There is nothing in the Rite of Marriage in the Roman Catholic Church that states anything about the sex of the witnesses, in part because the officiant is the witness for the Church and the other witnesses are there ceremonially or as civil witnesses to the union.
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  • flantasticflantastic member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    My sister was the witness for my brother in a Catholic wedding. This is not a real (Church) requirement.

    And I echo others that marriage in the Catholic Church requires that you intend and promise to live out your marriage in a certain way. Don't fake that if you don't believe it, for your own integrity and out of respect for the Church.
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