My younger sister(20) and her fiancé (23) became engaged the end of January 2021. They decided that they were going to have a long engagement, and get married in July of 2022. My boyfriend (23)(who is friends with my sister's fiancé) proposed to me(24) in March 2021. We had discussed getting married for many months before and decided that we wouldn't want a very long engagement, so after he proposed, we discussed setting a date in the late fall or early winter.
When we announced our engagement to my sister and her fiancé, she was worried that we would have our wedding too close to hers (which is something we expected) so we told her that we were discussing this fall (Nov 2021) for our wedding - over 7 months before her wedding in 2022, but she still seems a bit upset that our date is before theirs.
Since setting our wedding date for this November and beginning the plans, there have been a couple bumps...
I didn't initially ask my younger sister to be a bridesmaid. She has been in choir since she was young, and I thought she might prefer to sing (apparently she hates singing in front of others, but I didn't know this until later). I asked my older sister (and best friend) to by my MOH and 2 college friends that I am close with to be my bridesmaids. My younger sister called my MOH and cried to her that I did not ask her to be a bridesmaid, so I called her and gave her a choice of being a bridesmaid or singing at the ceremony. She chose bridesmaid.
After I asked her to be a bridesmaid, I told her she might have to walk down with my fiancés cousin (her fiancé was being considered as the best man) and she said no, and that she would walk down with her fiancé and just stand in the second bridesmaid spot.
She also told my other BMs that they needed to wear sleeves to the wedding because showing your shoulders in a church is immodest. (I had told my BMs that I didn't care what they wore, as long as they had the same color- I just wanted them to be comfortable and happy with their dresses).
Every time I make a decision, she seems to be angry about it, but won't say anything to me. My mother said that she mentioned she was worried that her wedding would look too much like she was copying mine, because apparently the styles that I have been choosing are similar to what she was planning on having.
Does anyone have any advise on how to handle this situation going forward?
I want to keep the peace so that the planning and wedding aren't more stressful than they need to be, but I'm not sure how to placate my sister.