Not Fair! VENT

tirathemrs · July 2012

So my FI mom is sick batteling cancer....needless to say she hasnt been the friendliest person since her illness, we had a little falling out and long story short she disrespected me in MY HOME and caused a lot of stress between he and i so no our relationship hasnt been the same since then.

I go over to her house (only because he is requesting me to) and she gives me a dry hi and bye (if she speaks at all, lol i mean hell his granny dont talk to me at all and she looks at me like im scum of the earth but thats another story), all she calls and asks about is her son and her grandson and what is he bringing her to eat and when is he coming over to help bathe her and sit with her! Now he told me its spreading and getting worse and she may not have long! Well needless to say i am truly sorry to hear that, he and his mom are super close but he comes off snippy with me only because im not all wanting to go over there and sit for hours on end only to be ignored and treated disrespectfully..I just dont know how to deal with this issue...any advice ladies!

Yolie1098 · July 2012

I say, let go of what happened in the past and support him in whatever way he needs you too. Be the bigger person, the more she ignores you, the more you pour on the honey. Some of it maybe because she is in pain and you may be the outlet (as unfair as that is). Be there for him like you would want him there for you..............pray, have faith that things will get better (your relationship) show him the true woman he wants to marry......sometimes we have to swallow our pride.

tirathemrs · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_not-fair-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:3b808d7c-e168-4ae6-ba47-517bef737d16Post:2524b613-abad-4ea5-b085-ab26ede5bd2f">Re: Not Fair! **VENT**</a>:
[QUOTE]I say, let go of what happened in the past and support him in whatever way he needs you too. Be the bigger person, the more she ignores you, the more you pour on the honey. Some of it maybe because she is in pain and you may be the outlet (as unfair as that is). Be there for him like you would want him there for you..............pray, have faith that things will get better (your relationship) show him the true woman he wants to marry......sometimes we have to swallow our pride.
Posted by Yolie1098[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Wow thanks i think thats what ive been trying to do but secretly not wanting to be bothered with the drama she has going on...i mean ive been over to her house and spent my entire holiday weekends there cleaning up for her because she really cant but i will definitely take you advice....

</div>

kthowell · July 2012

I say at the end of the day support your fi because he will end up resenting you. I would sit with his rude mother for hours if it made him feel better. I mean she is sick and all he will say is how you didnt visit his mother when she was dying etc

RealHappyGal · July 2012

GIRL movr over, we are in the SAME boat.....It is SO hard...I have come on here plenty of times talking about my FMIL and how difficult it is because not only does she not like me but she has stage 3 cancer. Its an unfair battle. You are in a place where you cant stand up for yourself because this person has cancer... Do I know all about it. If you want to talk about it with some1 who is really going through the same thing.... some 1 to vent to and will understand you arent a bad person for feeling that way, send me a PM, maybe we can talk

CreoleBride30 · July 2012

Pray about this situation. Let go of what has happened in the past. You need to be there for your future husband....he needs you right now. He will be short tempered and all that, but imagine what he is going through too. I will pray for all of you. Give me a moment...I'll have something good to say about this in a few...I need a few moments to think on it :-)

Love you MissTira

Cha

tirathemrs · July 2012

Thanks ladies for the advice and a listening ear...im gonna do my best to support him during this time especially since they arent sure whats gonna happen....YALL JUST PRAY FOR shes really not easy to deal with..and @ RealHappyGal girl so you know exactly what im going thru and i appreciate you being there for me ill be in touch!!

You ladies are a blessing and im so happy to have met you all thank God he proposed LOL

CreoleBride30 · July 2012

Misstira: How his mom treats you must be terrible and I know it's hard to just stand there and take the blatent disrespect. I can only imagine how hard this is...especially when you are grown. However, in this time, you Forgive all pass trangressions. Maybe you and his mom can have a heart to heart talk...not to stress you or her out, but just let her know you truly wish her well and want her to get better...you know the best way to deal with her. And you know what, if she can not accept you forgiving her and you forgiving yourself...then just move on. You have made peace in your heart with God...that is all that matters really. People will always do something to keep you down...but our trust isn't in people, right? So, with that being said, YOU forgive and move forward...regardless of what his mother does. Your FI needs to know you support him (although this is hard bc of his mother). Sometimes, we have to go through situations we don't like...but it only makes us stronger and a better person...ya know? If you need someone to talk to about this, PM me...I'm all ears :-)

I feel like I'm blabbering all over the place...hopefully, I'm explaining myself well enough..LOL

Cha

Keep ya head up girl...it's going to be okay

tirathemrs · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_not-fair-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:3b808d7c-e168-4ae6-ba47-517bef737d16Post:8d712a59-c74b-4407-bf77-091123a0354c">Re: Not Fair! **VENT**</a>:
[QUOTE]Misstira: How his mom treats you must be terrible and I know it's hard to just stand there and take the blatent disrespect. I can only imagine how hard this is...especially when you are grown. However, in this time, you Forgive all pass trangressions. Maybe you and his mom can have a heart to heart talk...not to stress you or her out, but just let her know you truly wish her well and want her to get better...you know the best way to deal with her. And you know what, if she can not accept you forgiving her and you forgiving yourself...then just move on. You have made peace in your heart with God...that is all that matters really. People will always do something to keep you down...but our trust isn't in people, right? So, with that being said, YOU forgive and move forward...regardless of what his mother does. Your FI needs to know you support him (although this is hard bc of his mother). Sometimes, we have to go through situations we don't like...but it only makes us stronger and a better person...ya know? If you need someone to talk to about this, PM me...I'm all ears :-) I feel like I'm blabbering all over the place...hopefully, I'm explaining myself well enough..LOL Cha Keep ya head up girl...it's going to be okay
Posted by CreoleBride30[/QUOTE]

LOL no your not blabbering i appreciate the love and support and believe it or not i called her some time back (being the bigger person) and i apologized for any misunderstanding not for anything i did because i didnt do anything however she said ok she accepted it but its still not the same...they (his mom annd granny) love his brothers gf/babymomma so they all call her and sit and talk to her for hours but not me but hey its cool im just gonna try and be there for him as much as possible and the hell with the rest...i gave my best but i guess my best wasnt good enough LOL

Not Fair! VENT

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