Just Engaged and Proposals

Underwhelming proposal stories only

Please share your underwhelming proposals if you have... I’ve been engaged for 3 months and am just beginning to accept how unromantic my proposal was (don’t get me wrong I’m so happy to finally be engaged but I was a little underwhelmed so I’m trying to get over it). I never asked for anything huge, just wanted it to come from the heart. To be fair, I knew about my proposal because we’ve been together for a while and have a child together. We also did decide for financial reasons that by my birthday this year (valentines day) we’d be engaged. Well obviously when he wanted to get away to the mountains for Valentine’s Day I kinda knew it was happening, but was still so excited to see what he had up his sleeve. He had me pick the hotel room and dinner reservations because he was unsure if I’d like anything he picked (which is frustrating cause I would have been happy with him just taking the time to plan something). He waited till the last possible minute to propose so I knew it had to be coming after dinner our last night there. He told me earlier that day that my friends were coming up for dinner that night (apparently that was supposed to be a surprise I later found out) so the whole time during dinner I felt like I was gonna vomit cause we all knew why we were there lol. I really don’t enjoy being the center of attention to be honest. Then he and one of my friends kept getting up from dinner (later I found out to look for a good spot to pop the question since my FI didn’t have any idea where to even do it) after dinner the two of them just walked off and me and my other friend followed behind.. the place was closing and some of the lights were getting turned off. He then stopped near a pond in the restaurant and got down on his knee. I don’t even remember him actually asking me cause it was still kind of loud in the restaurant and I was so nervous that he was asking in front of friends I could hardly hear him. My friends took a couple pictures and that was it basically. I’m happy we’re engaged and of course I said yes but I do sometimes wish it could have been just the two of us, more casual, and maybe then it would have felt less transactional and more genuine. He has also mentioned he wishes he didn’t invite our friends and wants to try and do it again in the future. I feel like that’s not possible or necessary although I wouldn’t be opposed if he did something with just the two of us, not anything flashy.. just something intimate and romantic. Just for the two of us. Thoughts? Anyone care to share their underwhelming proposals? I’m hoping I’m not the only one.. 

Re: Underwhelming proposal stories only

  • My H's proposal was a bit disappointing.  He didn't do anything special at all.  Proposed to me in our living room on a weekday night.  I knew the proposal was coming at some point in the near future, so it wasn't completely a surprise.  But didn't know it would be happening that day.  We decided to go out to dinner to celebrate.  That wasn't something he planned ahead of time.  It was spur of the moment, which I'm not complaining about that.  It was a fun and happy dinner.

    He even apologized a little over dinner that he'd been trying to think of something more romantic/creative, but just hadn't come up with anything.  And, ya know what?  I get it.  Sure, I wish he'd done something more special.  But that's also not his personality.  I consoled myself that it was a minor disappointment, at the time.  And, as time has passed, it's even more minor.  We were in love, we got engaged.  We're still in love and now we're married.  He's not very good at grand gestures, lol.  But, even better, he's one of those guys who shows his love and support every day in so many small ways.

    I have NEVER told him I wish his proposal had been "better".  And I never will. 

    Hopefully you haven't expressed your disappointment to your FI.  Because you're right.  By far, the most important thing is that you all are engaged and have the rest of your future to look forward to.

    It sounds like your FI tried to do something special and just didn't execute it well.  It's okay to have a little bit of a pity party, just for yourself.  I get that we can't always control our emotions even when we know they are not "logical".  But try to focus more on what did go right and that the two of you love each other.  And the main thing...you're engaged!  Congrats!
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Armsesor2 said:
    Please share your underwhelming proposals if you have... I’ve been engaged for 3 months and am just beginning to accept how unromantic my proposal was (don’t get me wrong I’m so happy to finally be engaged but I was a little underwhelmed so I’m trying to get over it). I never asked for anything huge, just wanted it to come from the heart. To be fair, I knew about my proposal because we’ve been together for a while and have a child together. We also did decide for financial reasons that by my birthday this year (valentines day) we’d be engaged. Well obviously when he wanted to get away to the mountains for Valentine’s Day I kinda knew it was happening, but was still so excited to see what he had up his sleeve. He had me pick the hotel room and dinner reservations because he was unsure if I’d like anything he picked (which is frustrating cause I would have been happy with him just taking the time to plan something). He waited till the last possible minute to propose so I knew it had to be coming after dinner our last night there. He told me earlier that day that my friends were coming up for dinner that night (apparently that was supposed to be a surprise I later found out) so the whole time during dinner I felt like I was gonna vomit cause we all knew why we were there lol. I really don’t enjoy being the center of attention to be honest. Then he and one of my friends kept getting up from dinner (later I found out to look for a good spot to pop the question since my FI didn’t have any idea where to even do it) after dinner the two of them just walked off and me and my other friend followed behind.. the place was closing and some of the lights were getting turned off. He then stopped near a pond in the restaurant and got down on his knee. I don’t even remember him actually asking me cause it was still kind of loud in the restaurant and I was so nervous that he was asking in front of friends I could hardly hear him. My friends took a couple pictures and that was it basically. I’m happy we’re engaged and of course I said yes but I do sometimes wish it could have been just the two of us, more casual, and maybe then it would have felt less transactional and more genuine. He has also mentioned he wishes he didn’t invite our friends and wants to try and do it again in the future. I feel like that’s not possible or necessary although I wouldn’t be opposed if he did something with just the two of us, not anything flashy.. just something intimate and romantic. Just for the two of us. Thoughts? Anyone care to share their underwhelming proposals? I’m hoping I’m not the only one.. 
    I'm going to be really honest here. I don't think you'd be happy with any proposal. You went away for the weekend, he took you to dinner and them proposed in front of a pond, down on one knee. That's pretty special and romantic. But you teeter back and forth between calling it underwhelming and calling it too flashy. Movies, tv, social media, etc have built up this notion that a proposal is supposed to be this super amazing most perfect romantic thing ever, and that's just not how life works most of the time. If you can separate yourself from this fairy tale notion, it will help you come to terms with your expectations. (And will probably help in the future. Weddings are rarely as magical in real life as they are in the movies.)

    FWIW, we got engaged in our bedroom. H had had a ring for about 2 months, but he didn't know I knew. (His sister told me.) We had been talking about marriage for a while and were on the same page that we wanted to get engaged. One random Friday we were hanging out at our neighborhood pub and got on the topic of planning for the future, including engagement. We went home and were tipsy getting ready for bed, when he got out the ring and asked me. We're still happily married years later.
    charlotte989875climbingsinglelevioosa
  • Armsesor2 said:
    Please share your underwhelming proposals if you have... I’ve been engaged for 3 months and am just beginning to accept how unromantic my proposal was (don’t get me wrong I’m so happy to finally be engaged but I was a little underwhelmed so I’m trying to get over it). I never asked for anything huge, just wanted it to come from the heart. To be fair, I knew about my proposal because we’ve been together for a while and have a child together. We also did decide for financial reasons that by my birthday this year (valentines day) we’d be engaged. Well obviously when he wanted to get away to the mountains for Valentine’s Day I kinda knew it was happening, but was still so excited to see what he had up his sleeve. He had me pick the hotel room and dinner reservations because he was unsure if I’d like anything he picked (which is frustrating cause I would have been happy with him just taking the time to plan something). He waited till the last possible minute to propose so I knew it had to be coming after dinner our last night there. He told me earlier that day that my friends were coming up for dinner that night (apparently that was supposed to be a surprise I later found out) so the whole time during dinner I felt like I was gonna vomit cause we all knew why we were there lol. I really don’t enjoy being the center of attention to be honest. Then he and one of my friends kept getting up from dinner (later I found out to look for a good spot to pop the question since my FI didn’t have any idea where to even do it) after dinner the two of them just walked off and me and my other friend followed behind.. the place was closing and some of the lights were getting turned off. He then stopped near a pond in the restaurant and got down on his knee. I don’t even remember him actually asking me cause it was still kind of loud in the restaurant and I was so nervous that he was asking in front of friends I could hardly hear him. My friends took a couple pictures and that was it basically. I’m happy we’re engaged and of course I said yes but I do sometimes wish it could have been just the two of us, more casual, and maybe then it would have felt less transactional and more genuine. He has also mentioned he wishes he didn’t invite our friends and wants to try and do it again in the future. I feel like that’s not possible or necessary although I wouldn’t be opposed if he did something with just the two of us, not anything flashy.. just something intimate and romantic. Just for the two of us. Thoughts? Anyone care to share their underwhelming proposals? I’m hoping I’m not the only one.. 
    I'm going to be really honest here. I don't think you'd be happy with any proposal. You went away for the weekend, he took you to dinner and them proposed in front of a pond, down on one knee. That's pretty special and romantic. But you teeter back and forth between calling it underwhelming and calling it too flashy. Movies, tv, social media, etc have built up this notion that a proposal is supposed to be this super amazing most perfect romantic thing ever, and that's just not how life works most of the time. If you can separate yourself from this fairy tale notion, it will help you come to terms with your expectations. (And will probably help in the future. Weddings are rarely as magical in real life as they are in the movies.)

    FWIW, we got engaged in our bedroom. H had had a ring for about 2 months, but he didn't know I knew. (His sister told me.) We had been talking about marriage for a while and were on the same page that we wanted to get engaged. One random Friday we were hanging out at our neighborhood pub and got on the topic of planning for the future, including engagement. We went home and were tipsy getting ready for bed, when he got out the ring and asked me. We're still happily married years later.
    I agree with all of this! I think movies/TV/the internet makes people think they need a big, over the top proposals but ask yourself are you two really big, over the top people? If so would that really fee like it fit who you are? 

    My now-H proposed on a Sunday afternoon I had just gotten back from a weekend out of town; we went to our favorite park and he asked me to marry him. No big speech, no people hiding in the bushes to take pictures; it was just us and it was lovely. We walked to our favorite bar and drank crappy champagne then ordered pizza in our apartment. 

    Probably sounds underwhelming if you’re comparing it a flash mob but he’s a quiet private person and that never would have been something he would be comfortable with. 
  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle NYC 'burbs member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Honestly, I think you need to get over it. Like a PP said, he took you away, let you pick whatever restaurant you wanted, and proposed to you by a pond. I think it's great your friends were there to capture the moment for you. 

    My H proposed to me while we were on a hiking trial. Granted, that hike was in Gibraltar. But you're talking about a trail that was covered in monkey poop, and other not so great things. He proposed with a family ring - an opal. Not a diamond. He just got down on one knee and asked. And guess what? It was romantic in every way because it was him asking me to spend my life with him. 

    My first husband proposed to me on the side of a highway. I thought we were going to get hit by a car. 

    So. Let this idea go of a perfect proposal. Do you actually want to marry him? Because if you need grand gestures from him, and he's just not the type to do it? Well, I see some issues. 
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I’m pretty sure you would have been unhappy regardless of the proposal. 

    I guess you could say my proposal was “underwhelming.” FI told me to go find a ring I liked. So I did. Then we had drinks, went and purchased it together, then went and had some more celebratory drinks, and then he proposed to me in the back yard. It might have been nice if he had said some extra romantic words, but I wouldn’t change it. Hollywood/the wedding industry makes it seem like the proposal should be enormous and over the top magical. That’s just not how life works. A proposal, wedding, and marriage are about two people who love each other and who are committed to spending the rest of their lives together. The rest doesn’t matter. 


    image
    MyNameIsNotcharlotte989875
  • A few months into dating my fiance fake proposed in front of a historic church in the middle of a bustling shopping/dining area... yes, I said fake proposed. Pulled my hand back and started to say "Will you..." as he got down on one knee... to tie his shoe. 2.5 years later, we're in the same area checking out an old restaurant we'd gone to (that's now a different fancy place). It was cold and windy and I kept walking when I heard him list of some of the menu items, things I knew he wouldn't eat. He called me back and reached into his jacket, and I yelled "NO don't fake propose again!" and started walking away, again. He wasn't faking and was relieved he didn't have to do his speech or get down on one knee (in a puddle). He loves telling everyone I ruined my own proposal.  :D
  • aisfora86aisfora86 Philadelphia member
    Second Anniversary 10 Comments 25 Love Its
    I mean, if you found your proposal underwhelming you would have hated mine, but it was exactly what I wanted.

    From the time we started talking about getting married I told my fiance that if he did anything publicly I would not like it, and that the more low-key the better. When he bought the ring, I knew, because we talked about it and I chose some styles that I liked. But I didn't know when exactly he would propose. I'm a college professor and have a Monday evening class until 8pm, so on Monday's he's in charge of dinner as I don't get home until 8:30 or 8:45pm. On this particular day, which happened to be April Fools Day, I had asked him to reheat leftover pork chops and veggies and put in some baked potatoes.

    When I walked in the door, with all our mail and packages that were in our mail room, he met me at the door. The first thing I noticed was that it smelled like fresh herbs and garlic and I think I made a comment like, "it smells really good in here. Is that the leftovers?" he ignored this question and asked me if I heard any good April Fools jokes at work that day. He's like the king of the dad jokes, so not an unusual question for him. I said no, and he placed a ring pop on top of the mail I was carrying and said, "how about this?" and I laughed and started to put the mail down. When I turned around, he was on his knee with an actual ring, and I have zero recollection of what he said. I dropped the mail and said yes. 

    Turns out he had made an herb butter for some steaks he was going to cook up, as well as roasted potatoes and a nice salad and opened a bottle of wine, and the plan was to ask me over a romantic dinner at home. But when I mentioned that it smelled good, he panicked and thought I would figure it out and asked me in the doorway instead. 

    We called our families and best friends and didn't end up eating until about 10:30 that night. But I wouldn't change it. It was exactly what I wanted, corny April Fools reference and all.

    The important part isn't the proposal, it's that you're getting married to a person you love and want to spend your life with.
    knottie385f125b5a03bd9dsapphire0120
  • I’m in the same boat, I don’t wanna be underwhelmed but I am. We‘ve been talking about getting married since last October and just got engaged on April 15. I knew he had the ring because he had it shipped to our apt. And missed the delivery so I found the attempted delivery slip in the mail box. I found out before Valentine’s Day so I figured he might do it then, Valentine’s Day past, nothing. The weekend after we were going on a weekend trip to San Luis Obispo, we had plans to go to Hearst castle and have a romantic getaway before he went on a month long work trip. STILL NOTHING. I’m thinking he changed his mind, there’s no other explanation?! We didn’t have Any other plans and he was gonna be gone for a month. Well, his work trip got cut short due to covid and a month into it we start talking about rings and things again, I make a hint about knowing that he bought one. I was frustrated, why buy a ring if you’re not gonna propose? He had so many opportunities. The next day, he proposed in our bedroom. I was wearing sweats and I had a video call in 10 min! I try to tell myself that I still got my “garden” proposal due to all of my houseplants around but I’m really upset about the whole thing because he told me he planned on proposing at Hearst castle but forgot the ring. I’m still very happy we’re engaged and yeah, the proposal isn’t the most important thing but I feel like it should be a little more special.... this is someone asking you to spend the rest of your life with them. I would feel a little better if he at least did it in a less rushed setting and not right before my video call. I was flustered and wanted to enjoy just getting engaged. 
  • edited October 2020
    My proposal story is very underwhelming. I wanted something low key though and it never bothered me until we started telling friends and family. I never realized that EVERYONE will ask you the story. 
  • I personally think that while he did try to do something for you, it's understandable that he didn't get it right. It wasn't tailored to who you were as person, ie not liking to be the center of attention, and it's reasonable to take that personally for someone that's professing to you that they think they know you well enough to spend their life with you. It's like he isn't even trying and yet at the same time still tried too hard. The effort was nice but misplaced.

    I do have to say, appreciate the effort though, because I got absolutely none. 

    Mine didn't plan it out even five minutes in advance. Didn't wait to have a ring to propose with. Didn't get down on one knee. Didn't even get fully dressed after deciding in the shower that he wanted to ask me. 

    I literally came upstairs with a plate of dinner for the each of us, sat down on the bed while he sat 3/4 undressed in his gaming chair, handed him the plate, and then he asked. "Jess, could you would like to marry me?"......what?

    He didn't plan a thing in advance to try to make the moment special for me, didn't even talk right away about how he was going to get me such a good ring or anything (I actually had to go out and find a believable costume jewelry ring for $20 at TJMaxx so that I wouldn't have to tell people that he asked me empty handed the next day at work or to my family. To anyone who isn't extremely close to me, aka coming to the wedding, I lie about how it happened to make it sound better. He really can never make it up to me, it was devastatingly underwhelming, and almost makes me question if I'm ready to have a future with a man that can't even make one of the biggest moments of our lives a half ounce special. 
  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I personally think that while he did try to do something for you, it's understandable that he didn't get it right. It wasn't tailored to who you were as person, ie not liking to be the center of attention, and it's reasonable to take that personally for someone that's professing to you that they think they know you well enough to spend their life with you. It's like he isn't even trying and yet at the same time still tried too hard. The effort was nice but misplaced.

    I do have to say, appreciate the effort though, because I got absolutely none. 

    Mine didn't plan it out even five minutes in advance. Didn't wait to have a ring to propose with. Didn't get down on one knee. Didn't even get fully dressed after deciding in the shower that he wanted to ask me. 

    I literally came upstairs with a plate of dinner for the each of us, sat down on the bed while he sat 3/4 undressed in his gaming chair, handed him the plate, and then he asked. "Jess, could you would like to marry me?"......what?

    He didn't plan a thing in advance to try to make the moment special for me, didn't even talk right away about how he was going to get me such a good ring or anything (I actually had to go out and find a believable costume jewelry ring for $20 at TJMaxx so that I wouldn't have to tell people that he asked me empty handed the next day at work or to my family. To anyone who isn't extremely close to me, aka coming to the wedding, I lie about how it happened to make it sound better. He really can never make it up to me, it was devastatingly underwhelming, and almost makes me question if I'm ready to have a future with a man that can't even make one of the biggest moments of our lives a half ounce special. 
    I can definitely understand being disappointed by that. But... is it a pattern of not caring about your needs? Have you tried talking to him about it?

    Maybe his reason for proposing that way is a sweet thing where he really just needed to know if you would marry him right then because he was so in love with you.

    And honestly, not focusing on "the ring" right away in your discussion makes sense enough to me - it shows he was focused more on the "spending your lives together" aspect than the jewelry aspect. Plenty of people ask without a ring - you can either wait to spread the news of your engagement until you get one, if it's really that important to you to have it as part of the story, or say, "We're picking out a ring together" which is sensible and common enough.

    I'd ask him for his perspective on it, then decide if you want to question your future. But while I understand wanting this moment to be more special, I'd focus on seeing the good that may be there. And you won't know what good is there unless you drop the resentment for a bit and talk in good faith about what on earth he was thinking.
  • Hello!

    I have been married for almost a year now to my wonderful husband. He is the love of my life and while sometimes we do bicker, I could not imagine my life without him. When I wrote my vows, I cried continuously about how much I loved this man.
    However, the proposal sucked. 

    To begin, I was getting my bachelors when I met my husband. I immediately told him that my life long goal was to go to medical school and become a doctor-nothing was going to change that. My plan was to graduate and get into medical school a couple months later. I was pretty certain I would not get into the medical school in my state since it's highly competitive, so if we were going to stay together, we HAD to get married; excuse the controversial statement, but I dont believe in cohabitation prior to marriage - but he did. He kept trying to push cohabitation on me, but I wasnt budging, so we started talked about getting married. 
    A few weeks before our 1 year anniversary, he surprised me with a helicopter ride across the mountains. My immediate thought 
    "I'm getting engaged"
    When we got on the plane, no ring. When we arrived, no ring. When we came back, no ring. When we went to the lake late at night to go swimming, no ring. 
    Then a week later on my 20th birthday, weeks after we started talking about MARRIAGE, he gave me a promise ring.... he followed all of the little hints I gave about what I preferred, like no hearts, no halos, side stones, silver, etc, but we had been together for a year at that point and he completely had dodged giving me one after I basically begged for one. Then a few weeks before he gave the ring to me, I had mentioned about how it was very naive of me to ask for one, since it's not really necessary for anything. It just seemed heartless. I cried nonstop about the gesture and the ring; I felt like I was 16 again wearing this clunky infinity ring on my right hand. It also was bought from a supermaret jewelry store, so the box just had a big FRED MEYER on it. Twas romantic I guess.

    Fast forward a couple of weeks, we talked and he ended up exchanging for a ring that looked more like a stacking ring. At this point, I already applied to medical schools and I know that I will be leaving within a year, so I tell him that we have to get married or I'm literally leaving by myself. I'm looking nonstop at rings trying to find what I like, and I sent him a CHEAT SHEET on what to get with his budget in mind (Which wasn't small btw. He made quite a bit of money, so there weren't financial issues).
    I waited a month. Nothing. I waited for another month. Nothing. I panic, because I got accepted to start a program in August and its JANUARY. So whenever we go out, I am always seeking out some jewelry store to look at rings. I couldn't find a radiant diamond shape to look at in person, so we kept looking. We finally went to another Fred Meyer and the lady was super helpful and ended up ordering a diamond. She seemed helpful, but her help fell short. 
    I found the ring box in his car and I told him. Instead of him trying to collect himself and keep a plan, he goes up to my parents, asks for their permission, goes downstairs where I fell asleep on the couch, goes down on one knee, and proceeds to propose to me while I'm laying down on the couch. 


    Ouch.

    Even worse, the ring I had "designed" was nothing like I asked. The diamond was fine, but the band was too thick, there were no side stones, and the setting wasnt a tiffany setting, so no wedding band fit with it, unless it was custom. 


    So yeah, we're married now but I despise my proposal everyday. We returned the ring and got one that was cheaper AND was everything I was looking for, but he didnt choose it either. 

    In conclusion, I forced my husband to propose, I picked out the ring, and he proposed in my parents house on the couch. Fun.
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards