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Bridesmaid trying to lose weight

knottief150c765316b96d0knottief150c765316b96d0 member
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in Attire & Accessories Forum
Help! I'm going to be a bridesmaid in June 2022 (next year) and need some help about a dress. The bride wants to order our dresses this June, a whole year before the wedding. This is because she wants to make some custom alterations to fit the theme of the wedding. This means that I need a dress that will mostly fit as soon as it arrives, as I'm sure I'll need to try it on multiple times this year. And of course, it needs to fit next June too.

Here's the problem: I'm trying to lose a significant amount of weight by then. I've already lost 14 lbs. My ultimate goal weight is another 80lbs lighter than I am. Ideally, I will have lost anywhere from 30-50lbs by then, and possibly more. I have heard I should buy the size I am now and get it taken in closer to the wedding, but will it look good taken in if I've lost THAT much weight?

What should I do to get a dress that fits this year (current weight) AND next year (possibly 30-80 lbs lighter)? Especially when we may be adding things on to it (not sure what yet?)
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Re: Bridesmaid trying to lose weight

  • MobKazMobKaz member
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    Are you paying for the dress?  I would not be happy to have someone demand I customize a dress I am paying for that would probably not lend itself to any wear beyond this wedding. 
    It is simply not reasonable to purchase a dress a year out from an event.  A BM could become pregnant, lose weight, gain weight, or drop out of the wedding party.  You are in a no-win situation.  Depending on the style of the dress, many are not amenable to alterations beyond a size or two at best.  Try to encourage this bride to be more reasonable in when to purchase these dresses.
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  • knottief150c765316b96d0knottief150c765316b96d0 member
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    Yup...paying for the dress. Not sure about the theme alterations though. And the other BM just gave birth to her 2nd baby. That's the only reason the bride even agreed to wait until June to order, so that the BM can recover and get an idea of what her body may look like (she lost the baby weight pretty fast with the first one).
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  • MobKazMobKaz member
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    I wish I could offer you some better insight.  Paying for a dress and having someone else alter it to their specifications is not cool, in my opinion.  Does she even know if the customization will work with that dress style?  Unless she can specify exactly what the customization will entail, there is no reason at all to order dresses this early.  If your weight loss results in dropping 2 or more dress sizes, odds are that the dress will not lend itself to being altered. 
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  • knottief150c765316b96d0knottief150c765316b96d0 member
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    We actually haven't decided on the dress yet although we know it will come from Azazie. Once we get to June, I plan to raise all these questions with the bride. Her theme is Legend of Zelda, which I think involves elves and magic? So we shall see what these dresses end up looking like! Maybe the additions will just be minor...
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  • CasadenaCasadena member
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    Azazie dresses typically take 6ish weeks to come in.  I would suggest that the bride order a few styles she likes as try-on dresses to get an idea of what will look ok with whatever alterations she wants to make, and then actually order the dresses at a much more reasonable time.  
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
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    edited April 2021
    Frankly, ordering a dress a year out is absurd. You can try to mitigate with choosing the size you think you'll be, but this whole this is a problem created by a bride who is being ridiculous. More likely than not, at least one of you is going to end up having to buy a second dress or spend a fortune on alterations. 

    My advice is to continue to push back on the bride. Bridesmaid dresses are normally ordered 3-4 months out to allow plenty of time for alterations. If her plan involves changing the dress so much that it would take longer than a month to alter, she needs to hire a seamstress to just make the dresses from scratch, and she needs to pay for it. Of course, you can't force her to pull her head out of her ass, but you can continue to push back that you don't know what size you will be and don't want to have to order a second dress. 
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  • short+sassyshort+sassy member
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    MobKaz said:
    I wish I could offer you some better insight.  Paying for a dress and having someone else alter it to their specifications is not cool, in my opinion.  Does she even know if the customization will work with that dress style?  Unless she can specify exactly what the customization will entail, there is no reason at all to order dresses this early.  If your weight loss results in dropping 2 or more dress sizes, odds are that the dress will not lend itself to being altered. 
    I've also heard this as a general rule of thumb.  That you can go up one size with alterations or down two sizes with alterations.

    From what I understand, going down more than two sizes usually changes the structure of the dress.  And, at that point, it would involve taking the whole dress apart.  Then re-cutting it and sewing it back together.

    I know it is easier said then done, but I would really push back on this.  Point out that it makes no sense to order the dress this early because your size will be totally different in a year anyway.  And you aren't going to spend money on a dress and alterations that you know will need to be re-purchased months from now, just to appease her.

    I agree with the others that, if her alterations involve changing the dress to fit her theme as opposed to typical alterations, then she absolutely needs to pay for that.

    I have to admit, I'm picturing the end result being more like a Halloween costume then a nice dress that you could potentially wear again.  For your sake OP, I hope I'm wrong!
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  • maine7mobmaine7mob member
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    knottief150c765316b96d0 said:
     Her theme is Legend of Zelda, which I think involves elves and magic? 
    short+sassy said:

    I have to admit, I'm picturing the end result being more like a Halloween costume then a nice dress that you could potentially wear again.  For your sake OP, I hope I'm wrong!
    knottief150c765316b96d0 you must be an extraordinarily patient and kind person! I agree with the others that your best bet is to try to talk the bride out of ordering these dresses so early, but if you can't, I wish you the best of luck. 

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  • STARMOON44STARMOON44 member
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    I would very firmly tell her no, you are not willing to purchase a dress a year in advance. Just don’t. 
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  • MesmrEweMesmrEwe member
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    There's an old saying "Bridal Blinders" and the unfortunate part is that the industry would lead people to believe "do this stuff early" when BM dresses really are something that should be saved for closer to 3-4 months out max as BM get pregnant, change sizes, relationship woes, life changes (Covid anyone?  Basically made it impossible to even have BM show up in some areas and they're out the $$$), etc.  I also agree with others that this would be one thing if they're being custom sewn and paid for by the bride, but that's not the case, and another thing too many brides don't realize is they need to be asking you what your budget is in regard to all these modifications she's asking to be done on the dresses.  Another designer may have an option that's exactly what she wants without having to spend the extra on something that may or may not work for the present design of the dress.

    Order for the size you are now in June as a worst case scenario without doing any drastic super cuts to the process that you're doing (i.e. water cut, starvation type unhealthy stuff).  It's always easier to go down than it is to go up when it comes to clothing.  While I agree with others that ordering a year out is a PITA because like you said you're in the process of making a lifestyle overhaul.  That said, that much weight loss comes with some ups and downs that no one talks about in regard to figuring out things like undergarments (Corset/busk/shapewear, etc.), where the weight drops from (has happened where it comes off where one least expects it), etc.  isn't going to fully materialize until you're closer to next June but it's easier to work with more fabric than not enough.  
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  • maine7mobmaine7mob member
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    knottief150c765316b96d0 said:
     Her theme is Legend of Zelda, which I think involves elves and magic? 
    short+sassy said:

    I have to admit, I'm picturing the end result being more like a Halloween costume then a nice dress that you could potentially wear again.  For your sake OP, I hope I'm wrong!
    knottief150c765316b96d0 you must be an extraordinarily patient and kind person! I agree with the others that your best bet is to try to talk the bride out of ordering these dresses so early, but if you can't, I wish you the best of luck. You're obviously a good friend.

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  • banana468banana468 member
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    Honestly, I just wouldn't do it.  I'm not pregnant or planning to be or trying to lose weight but at one year out there's so much that can happen including another pandemic that postpones a wedding.  There is NO NEED to buy right now and sometimes you need to pump the brakes.
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  • salvadorsaunderssalvadorsaunders member
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    edited June 2023
    One option you mentioned is purchasing the dress in your current size and getting it altered closer to the wedding. That's a good strategy as alterations can often accommodate weight loss.

    To ensure the dress will still look good after losing a substantial amount of weight, it would be helpful to consult with a professional seamstress or tailor who can guide you through the alteration process. They can give you advice on how much can be taken in without compromising the overall appearance of the dress.

    While you're working towards your weight loss goals, you might also consider checking out Reverse Health, the women's only 12-week weight loss program you mentioned. Since it focuses on female physiology to avoid metabolic rate dropping and weight gain, it could be a valuable resource for you.

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  • MobKazMobKaz member
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    salvadorsaunders said:
    One option you mentioned is purchasing the dress in your current size and getting it altered closer to the wedding. That's a good strategy as alterations can often accommodate weight loss.

    To ensure the dress will still look good after losing a substantial amount of weight, it would be helpful to consult with a professional seamstress or tailor who can guide you through the alteration process. They can give you advice on how much can be taken in without compromising the overall appearance of the dress.

    Welcome to The Knot.  Please check dates on posts before commenting.  This is a dead/zombie post as it is over a year old.
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