Wedding Woes

Classic: LW, do what works for you.

I plan to be married soon. My fiancé and I don’t want a big to-do but would like to mark the occasion with a small ceremony and invite immediate family and a few close friends. This is a second marriage for both of us. My ex-husband and I remained civil to one another for the sake of our children. Once the hurt of our failed marriage had healed, we developed a friendship based on mutual interests and shared history. My fiancé and my ex get along well, and we occasionally socialize with him and his significant other. My ex is a judge and as such is able to perform weddings. My fiancé and I talked it over and would like to ask him to marry us. We haven’t asked him yet and aren’t sure he will agree, but we want to extend the invitation. Problem is when I mentioned our plan to my sisters, they had a fit. They said it would be tacky and would make other family members uncomfortable to have my ex marry us. I know it’s an unusual situation, but it is also something we’d really like to do. Are our plans just too “out there”?

Re: Classic: LW, do what works for you.

  • Who is performing the ceremony isn't for your sisters to decide. 
  • Stop telling people your plans and they’ll stop commenting on them. 
  • kerbohlkerbohl member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    How is it tacky?  I think it shows that love can ebb and flow but you can still be civil and respect the people that used to be a big part of your life (in some situations - some exes are just dicks and should disappear from your life).  And in fact, people can change roles in your life without you having to sever all ties.  

  • It wouldn't be my choice, but if you and your FI are both comfortable with your ex officiating at your wedding, then I think it's fine to ask (though do be gracious about it if he declines). Wedding ceremonies are very personal, and the only people who should be deciding it are you and FI. I get why your family may feel awkward about your ex officiating, but your feelings are more important here in the end.
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  • kerbohl said:
    How is it tacky?  I think it shows that love can ebb and flow but you can still be civil and respect the people that used to be a big part of your life (in some situations - some exes are just dicks and should disappear from your life).  And in fact, people can change roles in your life without you having to sever all ties.  
    The only thing I can think of is that the sisters are a bit more "scorched earth" when it comes to exes and they just don't get how this can be possible. 


  • My 90 Day peeps will say this:

    It worked for Michael and Juliana when his ex married them...

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